The biggest problem I had with this story was the tense it was written in. Some lines are present tense and others are past tense (even though the situation is occurring in the present). Then there are the missue of words - ark instead of arc (in describing the shape of her back). The story is good if you can overlook the other problems. Make sure to reread what you write to ensure it makes sense.
You had me from the start with this book! I was reading it right before going to bed and ended up purchasing the entire series, which kept me awake until 5 am (and I had class at 9). There were some grammatical errors and points where the flow of conversation was stilted. Besides that - great job!!