Carla René


Biography

I am a professional stand-up comedienne, stage/tv/film actor and published author.

I write stuff. Some people think I'm funny.

I am on an eternal mission to prove to my parents that they should've used birth control.

I have two unruly, whiny, maniacal, co-dependent and I-swear-they-drop-acide-behind-my-back cats who treat me as if I'm the hired help.

I want to meet the guy who designed the little plastic thingy inside women's wallets so I can smoosh his head into one.

I ask for so little.

Where to find Carla René online


Where to buy in print


videos

A Most Devout Coward
When life-long Atheist and social anxiety sufferer Jack Ryan O'Hanlan witnesses a mob hit in a Manhattan diner and is forced to enter WITSEC as a Priest, he's certain his life can't get any worse. Oh, isn't life a kick in the crotch.

Books

To Keep Away The Chill (and other victorian stories)    by Carla René
Price: $1.99 USD. 18860 words. Published on April 30, 2011. Fiction.

A collection that ranges from ghosts on the open plains in the US, to High-Society London and back to mid-Western America, all during Queen Victoria's reign. Some are based on true stories and some are the way I wish things were, without all the rules and class distinctions.
Bitch    by Carla René
Price: $0.99 USD. 740 words. Published on February 17, 2011. Fiction.

Ever wish your obnoxious neighbours would just die already? In this flash fiction, watch as the old lady upstairs gets her delicious revenge.
Blood Alley    by Carla René
Price: $0.99 USD. 3330 words. Published on February 17, 2011. Nonfiction.

In 1949, the UK's most prolific serial killer was convinced he could get by with murder forever. No forensic evidence, no conviction. But he was wrong.
We All Need Traditions    by Carla René
Price: $0.99 USD. 1290 words. Published on January 5, 2011. Fiction.

Each year for Mother's Day, my mum would ask dad to buy her an azalea with beautiful pink buds. And each year, he would buy it for her. And then 6-hours later, would mow it over with the lawn mower. Why they never got hobbies, I'll never know. But you'll definitely recognise your own family in this all-out comedy.
A Sleep To Startle Us (A Christmas Tale of Charles Dickens)    by Carla René
Price: $0.99 USD. 2530 words. Published on January 5, 2011. Fiction.

After visiting the Field Lane ragged school in Saffron Hill, Charles Dickens is so despondent he decides to give up writing long before he pens his famous A Christmas Carol. Then one night while napping in his favourite armchair, his soon-to-be-written fictional ghost decides to visit and take him on a journey that not only changes his life, but inspires him to write his now-famous story.
The Gaslight Journal    by Carla René
Price: $2.99 USD. 81840 words. Published on December 7, 2010. Fiction.

A secret hidden in a dead man's journal will tear his family apart unless his widow and daughter learn how to overcome it.
Guns Don't Kill People...My Uncle Does    by Carla René
Price: $1.99 USD. 12410 words. Published on October 8, 2010. Fiction.

These short-stories vary from ghost, to horror, to military in nature, and are just perfect for the man with the short attention-span.
Zen In the Art of Absurdity    by Carla René
Price: $1.99 USD. 16550 words. Published on August 18, 2010. Fiction.

(5.00 from 1 review)
Bill can't get a writing space. While in Canada, Sam learns to "go convert" himself, mum and dad are playing hide the Azalea plant, Delores can't keep her father's arse covered, a pack of wild Kens are hurtling toward the atmosphere, and dad is sitting in his car picking his ears with his keys. Often compared to Sedaris (Mostly by herself), this collection will make you sick...with laughter.

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