Location: United States
Member Since: Nov. 08, 2010
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C.D. Reimer


Biography

C.D. Reimer lives and works in Silicon Valley. His interests are ceramics, painting, tropical fish, and web programming. These keep him out of trouble when he’s not fixing broken users and consoling hurt computers.

After serving two tours through The Twilight Zone as a child and a young adult Christian, he writes about everyday reality that he often finds weird, twisted and absurd for being so normal.

He’s currently working on various short stories and his first novel, and blogs about writing and everything else when he's not busy writing fiction.

Where to find C.D. Reimer online

Website: http://www.cdreimer.com
Twitter: cdreimer
    Blog: http://blog.cdreimer.com

    Where to buy in print

    http://www.cdreimer.com/anthologies.html

    Books

    The Giggling Mongoose: Scarlet Hearts    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 6040 words. Published on April 30, 2013. Fiction.
    After confronting a prominent attorney with his three young things at his side for not leaving a tip, Charles Goodwin, the cannibalistic owner of The Giggling Mongoose, becomes frustrated that he can't teach the old goat a lesson in restaurant manners. When the scorned wife makes him an offer he can't refuse, he makes a special Valentine's Day dinner that leaves their hearts bleeding.
    The Apple Store Job Fair: Don't Drink The Water, Don't Use The Restroom    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 8910 words. Published on March 31, 2013. Nonfiction.
    (5.00 from 1 review)
    After being out of work for 18 months during the Great Recession, I attended the Apple Store job fair on a hot summer day in 2010. I didn’t think twice when the blue-shirted Apple Store employees insisted that I drank the cold bottles of water. After Mother Nature called and I took an unscheduled restroom break, I had pissed away my job interview. (A 8,300-word personal essay.)
    The Kitterun Five Tourist Trap    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2020 words. Published on March 2, 2013. Fiction.
    (4.00 from 1 review)
    Although Humans and Kitteruns—a feline-humanoid species—are the most physically compatible of all the sentient species to freely enjoy sex, Mr. Vayne becomes horrified to learn from the hotel manager, Ms. Pussey Galore, that seeing the long tail of a sexually aroused female Kitterun could cost him his life.
    A Silicon Valley Writer Volume 3 (2012)    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 17820 words. Published on February 8, 2013. Nonfiction.
    A collection of blog postings from C.D. Reimer: A Silicon Valley Writer about being a writer and ebook publisher. This third volume features 33 blog postings from 2012.
    As The Tequila Flies    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2530 words. Published on January 26, 2013. Fiction.
    A collection of four 500-word horror flash stories about a drunk husband killing flies, an older brother bargaining with his dead brother for a video game console, an old woman in post-9/11 purgatory for tipping with phony money, and a scorned wife pulled over for the truck nuts on her husband's truck.
    Godspeed With Minister Ruth    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2820 words. Published on January 12, 2013. Fiction.
    Minister Ruth wants to get to the church meeting in the City on time. John, being a safe-and-cautious driver and unemployed for the last three years, refuses her request to leave the slow lane for the fast lane, fearing a speeding ticket he can't afford. Stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic on the 280 in Silicon Valley, they argue about the spiritual consequences of driving in the fast lane.
    A Few Short Stories Omnibus Volume 3    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 29400 words. Published on December 21, 2012. Fiction.
    Read 18 flash and short stories in this third omnibus volume for one low price, featuring "The Devil's Advocates," "The Lunch Box," "Feast Of The Cockroaches" and "Tagging This Side Of Hell."
    Tagging This Side Of Hell    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2530 words. Published on December 9, 2012. Fiction.
    A collection of four 500-word flash stories about tagging a mural on the church wall, a purple coffin on top of an RV, a field protected by a crucified scarecrow, and vampires in a freight elevator, previously published in the 2012 Daily Frights anthology (Pill Hill Press / December 2011).
    A Silicon Valley Writer Volume 2 (2010-2011)    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 14780 words. Published on November 29, 2012. Nonfiction.
    A collection of blog postings about writing short stories, being a failed novelist, transitioning from snail mail to email submissions, and discovering ebook publishing from C.D. Reimer: A Silicon Valley Writer. This second volume features 22 blog postings from 2010 and 2011.
    Feast Of The Cockroaches    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2510 words. Published on November 11, 2012. Fiction.
    A collection of four 500-word flash stories about cockroaches after the fall of humanity, college students creating a computerized golem with demonology, a double-dipping assassin collecting on her boss, and a shopping mall Santa trying to get some sleep at his apartment, previously published in the 2012 Daily Flash anthology (Pill Hill Press / November 2011).
    Outlaws In The American Wasteland    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 3580 words. Published on September 15, 2012. Nonfiction.
    With a new introduction, the book reviews of “Death Masks (The Dresden Files, Book Five” By Jim Butcher, “Wolves Of The Calla (The Dark Tower, Volume 5)” by Stephen King, and “Damnation Alley” by Roger Zelazny, are gathered together into a new ebook. Previously published on C.D. Reimer’s personal blog, Once Upon An Albatross…, in early 2005.
    Once Upon An Albatross... Volume 1 (1999-2005)    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 7580 words. Published on September 8, 2012. Nonfiction.
    A collection of blog postings from the personal website of C.D. Reimer, Once Upon An Albatross..., which started life as a dial-up Wildcat! BBS in 1995 before something called the Internet became popular. This first volume features 20 blog postings from 1999 through 2005.
    The Lunch Box    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 4480 words. Published on September 1, 2012. Fiction.
    After her father opens the mysterious lunch box despite the warning from her late grandfather’s note and tosses out the rusted block of nails from inside, he is called away to leave Little Suzy and her dog, Spot, trapped inside the detached garage during a fierce thunderstorm. An unspeakable horror that haunted her family before she was born awakens with a hunger for revenge.
    Seven Minutes Late    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2760 words. Published on May 5, 2012. Fiction.
    A collection of five 500-word flash stories being published for the first time: "Seven Minutes Late," "The Gift Horse," "That Meaningless Blade," "Sweet Time" and "Walking The Talk."
    A Silicon Valley Writer Volume 1 (2008-2009)    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 12180 words. Published on April 4, 2012. Nonfiction.
    A collection of blog postings about writing and being a writer from C.D. Reimer: A Silicon Valley Writer. This first volume features 19 blog postings from 2008 through 2009, including "The Screen Writer's Question," "The Writer & The Bedbugs," "Then Suddenly The Book Is Done," "The Blackmail of David Letterman," and "Aiming For The Prairie Schooner Book Prize."
    Some Bad Decisions    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 4240 words. Published on April 1, 2012. Fiction.
    Claude brings Plain Jane, a petite albino prostitute, back to his motel room for some late night entertainment. Unnerved by her craving for alcohol, unexplainable incidents and her knowledge of the Las Vegas ripper, he has a deadly surprise waiting for her. Once they start rolling in bed, he discovers that she is no ordinary prostitute and finds himself in a world of hurt.
    A Misplaced Stick    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2990 words. Published on March 24, 2012. Fiction.
    After his uncle disappears into the forest with a bucket of lard, Little Billy and his grandfather track him down in the more treacherous and isolated areas of the family ranch. Along the way he learns about the birds and the bees, what being a girl crazy teenager meant to his father and uncle, and why putting his stick into a larded knothole can be a deadly experience.
    Let Me Be Your Spook    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2180 words. Published on March 11, 2012. Fiction.
    George and Gracie met the old fashioned way in the mid-1950’s, arriving in separate cars with their dates for a wedding reception at a community hall outside of Stockton. As their dates fetches refreshments and don't return, the low-level C.I.A. analyst and medieval history student trade notes on why their dates conspired against church rules to see each other in the manure capital of California.
    Essays From Silicon Valley Omnibus Volume 1    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 12160 words. Published on February 20, 2012. Essay.
    Four essays from Silicon Valley, including "The Cabbage Patch Doll Fight: A Christmas Shopping Tale," "Death At A Hell's Angels' Funeral: Driving Past The Memories," "Experiencing The Death of Elvis: Another Childhood Tragedy" and "KGO Radio Jumps The Shark: More News, Less Talk," for one low price in this first omnibus edition.
    The Devil's Advocates    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 5820 words. Published on February 10, 2012. Fiction.
    John Wormwood, the veteran news reporter for The Silicon Silicon Valley Gazette, witnesses a satanic human sacrifice that opens the bronze doors of the Rodin's The Gates of Hell statue at Stanford University, he runs for his life with biggest news story of his career—except no one believes him.
    KGO Radio Jumps The Shark: More News, Less Talk    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 4130 words. Published on February 3, 2012. Essay.
    KGO Radio (810AM) switched to an all-news format, and, in the process, letting go the best talk-radio talent in the San Francisco Bay Area. Cumulus Media, KGO Radio’s current corporate overlords, decided to jump the shark by throwing away 40 years of broadcasting history in a hasty bid to improve ratings.
    The Semper Fi Engagement    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 9430 words. Published on January 13, 2012. Fiction.
    After an retired U.S. Marine evicts a group of teenagers from their favorite after school hang out spot at the apartment complex, they come back later that night to seek revenge and haul his dead body out to the dumpster. All hell breaks loose when his fighting spirit hunts them down as a possessed shopping cart. This 9,000-word short story is being published for the first time.
    Experiencing The Death of Elvis: Another Childhood Tragedy    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 3720 words. Published on December 30, 2011. Essay.
    I read about the death of Steve Jobs five minutes before everyone else did at work on Wednesday, October 5, 2011. An immense feeling of sadness overcame me, but not that of mourning for a technology visionary. I felt like I was experiencing the death of Elvis Presley all over again, shuddering at the thought of another childhood tragedy in the making.
    Death At A Hell's Angels' Funeral: Driving Past The Memories    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 4230 words. Published on December 18, 2011. Nonfiction.
    With hundreds of police officers lining the street across from the cemetery on one side, and 3,000 Hell's Angels attending a funeral and a shooting at the same service inside the cemetery, the resulting traffic jam between the two sides made for an interesting Saturday afternoon as the author remembers the Hell's Angels of his 1970's childhood. A 3,729-word personal essay.
    A Few Short Stories Omnibus Volume 2    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 14460 words. Published on November 29, 2011. Fiction.
    Read 14 flash and short stories in this second omnibus volume for one low price, featuring: "Silent Observers," "A Leap of Faith," "Dead Enders," "Saved By The Bell," and "The Hungry Red Devil."
    How Not To Stake A Vampire    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 3090 words. Published on November 2, 2011. Fiction.
    A collection of five 500-word flash stories about vampires, werewolves, golem, and killer trout, previously published in three flash anthologies by Pill Hill Press and Wicked East Press.
    The Hungry Red Devil    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 1880 words. Published on October 1, 2011. Fiction.
    As Derek and April discuss their dire financial situation after being rejected for food stamps and told to have children by the county welfare office, their ten-inch long red devil cichlid fish paces the 50-gallon with an expression that every owner knows to well. When Derek gets the brilliant idea of serving up the red devil as fish filet, the red devil has other ideas about dinner.
    Saved By The Bell    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 1480 words. Published on September 24, 2011. Fiction.
    As a guardian angel working for God and collecting contributions for the poor, you get to know the regular customers coming out of the store. With a smile and blessing, the bell is rung each time. When a little girl runs pell mell from her harried mother towards the parking lot, the guardian angel rings his bell. This 1,000-word short story first appeared in Ink Bean ezine (28 May 2011).
    Dead Enders    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 5390 words. Published on September 3, 2011. Fiction.
    Claudia and her guy friends get more than they bargain for when they pick up the mysterious girl in white hitchhiking on the I-5 in Southern California to Mexico, who is neither human nor vampire and hates male vampires enough to hurt them where it hurts the most. (A 4,975-word short story.)
    A Leap of Faith    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 1420 words. Published on July 1, 2011. Fiction.
    A young man contemplates leaping before a speeding baby bullet train when an old bus driver shows him the everyday wonders of living that makes a meaningless life more meaningful.
    Silent Observers    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 1480 words. Published on July 1, 2011. Fiction.
    When a deaf person leaves behind a pen and card requesting a donation at a food court table, money wasn't the only thing being collected. A team of xenobiologist students from another planet are monitoring the eating habits of humans in their most natural environment at the shopping mall food court.
    A Few Short Stories Omnibus Volume 1    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 22490 words. Published on April 20, 2011. Fiction.
    Read 18 flash and short stories in this first omnibus volume for one low price, including "The World's Best Coffee," "The Uninvited Spook," "The Forgotten Sinner," "Pure Indulgence," and "The Unfaithful Camera."
    The Nowhere October Surprise    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 6040 words. Published on April 12, 2011. Fiction.
    A bored intern at the U.S. Department of State mail room takes home misrouted diplomatic letters to keep the colorful stamps for her collection, inadvertently starting a war with an obscure island in the South Pacific during the 2008 presidential election.
    The Bomb Hole Incident    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2530 words. Published on April 3, 2011. Fiction.
    On the last day of summer before their junior year in high school, two boys finish blasting off fireworks inside the bomb hole out in the front yard. Together they annoy the lady across the street and grinn at the police doing a slow drive by through the neighborhood.
    The Pot Washer's New Magic Trick    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2680 words. Published on April 2, 2011. Fiction.
    When Johnny the pot washer is humiliated in front of the whole kitchen by Alejandro the waiter performing a new magic trick, he comes up with his own new magic to serve up a dish of cold revenge.
    Paying Taxes, American Style    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 2320 words. Published on April 2, 2011. Fiction.
    With 15 minutes on the clock until the courthouse closes for the weekend, Leticia is all alone at the front desk and deep into her brodice-ripper paperback when an old man walks in to pay the taxes that he owe—in pennies, no less—and then some. A battle of wits unfolds between a love-starved government worker and a determined taxpayer.
    Marigolds For A Vampire    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 23140 words. Published on March 30, 2011. Fiction.
    Jeremiah Smithfield returns home after a long absence to attend a funeral. The widow attacks him with a machete, a serial killer is sucking the blood on unborn babies, and a mysterious girl in white shows him his worst fear. He confronts the consequences of his past that threatens to unravel a lifetime of hunting vampires to avenge for his twin brother's murder. (A 22,500-word novella.)
    The Devil Came A-Collecting    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 1730 words. Published on March 19, 2011. Fiction.
    A man wakes up at midnight to find the devil waiting to collect his little boy soul for a sin committed in kindergarten. A wild chase in a locked bedroom with no means of escape. Was it only a nightmare or all too real?
    Walking Into The Night    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 1710 words. Published on March 17, 2011. Fiction.
    A little boy watches the darkened street from behind the barbershop window after midnight, all alone until a passing streetwalker notices him. She looks past him to see the entwined legs of his mother and his barber sticking out from behind the cash register, understanding his situation too well.
    A Pumpkin's Life    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 880 words. Published on February 21, 2011. Fiction.
    A collection of one poem and nine unrelated haiku poems, featuring seven previously published and three original poems.
    An Ironic Flash of Life    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 4910 words. Published on February 9, 2011. Fiction.
    A collection of nine flash stories about the sacred and profane in an ironic kind of way, featuring two previously published and seven original flash stories.
    The Unfaithful Camera    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 1650 words. Published on January 16, 2011. Fiction.
    When Little Danny comes home angry that his Daddy didn't pick him up from school, he finds Daddy and his older sister Tammy doing the bouncy-bounce in bed. Turning away helpless, he noticed his sister's new cell phone with the built-in video camera on her bed. A smile blossoms on his sullen face.
    The Cabbage Patch Doll Fight: A Christmas Shopping Tale    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 1530 words. Published on December 19, 2010. Nonfiction.
    Have you ever wondered how far a grandmother would go to get the hottest Christmas toy for her baby granddaughter? I never did until I witnessed how desperate my mother was to get a Cabbage Patch doll for my baby niece in the early 1980s. A violent incident that would change my life forever. A 950-word personal essay.
    The Giggling Mongoose: Kitchen Elementals    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: Free! 2500 words. Published on November 20, 2010. Fiction.
    When the restaurant owner has high standards, expects perfection from the people around him, and has cannibalistic tendencies, it's best to stay on his good side to avoid becoming the main ingredient of a special dish. Four 500-word flash stories featuring Charles Goodwin of The Giggling Mongoose.
    The World's Best Coffee    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 1520 words. Published on November 11, 2010. Fiction.
    (5.00 from 1 review)
    Diving for the world's best coffee is a simple affair for Mark. When the store is crowded with people ordering and waiting for their coffee, he waits for the right order to be announce, steps forward to pick it up, and walks out the door to enjoy. That is until Georgia follows him all over the shopping center to get back what belongs to her.
    The Uninvited Spook    by C.D. Reimer
    Price: $0.99 USD. 1680 words. Published on November 9, 2010. Fiction.
    While 75-year-old George is late for his own surprise birthday party, and his wife Gracie is promising to kill him if he doesn't show up soon, three veteran spymasters step out on the balcony to discuss his future with the Agency. The uninvited spook across the street listens in and disagrees with every word.

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