Derek Haines is an author of fiction, essays and poetry. His works range from historically based fiction with Louis and Eyes That Could Kill, to The Glothic Tales, a trilogy of alternative history farce, to dark contemporary romance, including One Last Love, Dead Men and For The Love Of Sam. His satirical essays and novellas such as My Take Away Vampire and And Uneducated View of Sex, Food and Politics then clearly fall into the tongue in cheek genre.
His passion for writing started with poetry before moving into essays and then later, fiction. Although his works cover a wide range of settings and genres, his writing style and voice communicate with, and engage readers through his characters, who are always less than perfect, yet have an endearing appeal.
Most of all, the stories told by Derek Haines are about people and their feelings, regrets, hopes and struggles with life, love and sometimes calamity. His characters never take the classic hero and heroine form. Just ordinary people, but with extraordinary qualities that makes their story worth telling. With splashes of black humour and satire, his stories can develop from the simplistic to the complex and back again, leaving the reader to decide if it is time to laugh or cry. Or both.
Born in Australia, but now living in Switzerland with his wife and a black cocker spaniel, his stories cross a wide geographical range but often draw from elements of his life and experiences in the two countries he calls home. From the rugged, dry and hot desert country of Australia and its crowded cities, to the cafés of Europe and the peaks of the Swiss Alps. The hustle and bustle of Sydney to the quiet life in the Swiss countryside.
When not writing, he is usually doing what he equally enjoys. Teaching English.
Where to find Derek Haines online
Where to buy in print
Pelf – Emily’s Men of Greed
Money, murder and greed make very good bedfellows, and as Emily Rhodes unwittingly discovers, the men in her life are also much closer to each other than she could ever have imagined. Until she can escape from the clutches and their deceit and lust for ill gotten gains, she will never be able to put the shattered pieces of her life back together.
Eyes That Could Kill
When being abducted once, is just not enough.
Find out more about Langley Garret's abductions and mysterious misfortunes, Greek mythology, gods and deities, secrets, and some more very nasty people, in Eyes That Could Kill.
The Few - The sequel to The Sons of Cleito.
Three months after his release, Langley Garret discovers that his abduction certainly hadn't been a mistake. He had only been extremely fortunate.
What happens when you put two vampire novellas in the same book? Twice Bitten is a collection of two charming novellas, both centered around a female vampire.
The Sons Of Cleito
Langley Garret's Sunday morning starts very badly after waking with a hangover and a depressed feeling of worthlessness, along with a foreboding sensation in his gut.
One Last Love
Life has the habit of delivering its perverse twists at the most unexpected times.
The Glothic Tales
Ever since that fateful decision was made to descend from the trees, stand on two legs and eat fewer bananas, humans have looked back on the decision with regret. It was at that very moment in time, when we began feeling that we were being controlled.
The one unsolvable conundrum though, has been who controls those who control us?
Camera Stellata - The Adventures Of Hal
Millions of years before February The Fifth, Gloth was making a nice little profit from the planet Erde with the help of some cunning Popes and the very, very secret Camera Stellata, sometimes better known as the Star Chamber.
Septimity - The Blood Brotherhood
Long after HAL and February The Fifth, the Gregorian Royal Family gene pool has degenerated so badly that the next Supreme Potentate of Gloth is destined to be be a boy idiot, whose father died racing him to the Palace garden. His father won the race by jumping from the Palace roof screaming, 'I win! I win!' just before meeting his death on a brick pathway alongside a beautiful bed of roses.
My Take Away Vampire
Although Agatha is over three hundred years old, it certainly doesn’t mean that she can’t adapt and fit into ugly post-industrial small town suburbia. Partial to the delights that an evening at McDonald’s often serve her, she waits at her favourite dimly lit corner table – for her kind of take away.
A story that may surprise, offend or shock, but will certainly not be forgotten.
February The Fifth
A young fool becomes king and quickly discovers he has some very nasty enemies. Particularly the ones who are shooting at him.
Vandalism Of Words
What Is This Book About Then?
Great question. The answer is so splendidly simple. This book is about anything, everything and nothing. It is an ideal companion on a bus or train where regular interruptions are guaranteed as every part of this book is very, very short. Ideal also for parents of young children who get interrupted a lot by screaming, crying and toilet training.
It all ended after World War Two. Or so it was thought. While medical and physiological experimentation on humans was repugnant and against all sensibilities, it remained valuable and above all highly profitable. Just simply believing something had gone away was good enough for most. But not for Milo Moon and Mary Seaton who became proof of an international conspiracy to hide the truth.
No one wants to be a spy. Circumstances create spies. For a young innocent boy, there was no choice. He was born to be a spy. This is the story of Teremun who begins life in Cairo and becomes my friend Louis in a small country town in Australia sixty years later. It is a story I have been wanting to tell for more than forty years. A story of a man who lived, and then disappeared from all memory.
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