Frankie Lassut

Biography

Against all the odds, Frankie manages to write books and remain sane (ish) while working with two women, which is probably why they call themselves Wonky Books. The reason why they do this is fairly simple. Firstly, Frankie can't help writing books, as the process feels very good indeed. Secondly, if the reader gets as much fun from reading the titles as the team has during the writing process (proofing, formatting etc), then that's another person smiling ... mission accomplished.

Where to find Frankie Lassut online


Books

Top Dollar Zombies
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Price: Free! Words: 10,280. Language: English. Published: July 26, 2014. Category: Fiction » Horror » Undead
These three stories have some awful bits in them. The first one about the zombies has some good parts too, meaning good in the sense of ‘nice’, which is a bit of a change for zombies which tend to go around eating people alive. The second story which features cuckoos is what people might call human nature amplified, so is pretty horrible. The third is the dark the darker side of human nature.
Dead End
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Price: Free! Words: 7,000. Language: English. Published: July 20, 2014. Category: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction
The North West of England, off the main tourist trail of the Lake District, is a fairly quiet place, which is why some city people go there for weekends, to chill out. But, go to a country pub and if you can get talking to the locals, or a local who has stories to tell, you may be surprised at what you hear. I’m not talking stuff from the world’s biggest liar competition, this is more intimate.
Marvo The Magical Plumber
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Series: Wellbeing, Book 9. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 12,570. Language: English. Published: July 12, 2014. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » General
This short story, Marvo the magical plumber, inspired by Woody Allen, was written for an adult audience, (not that it contains anything sexual or violent), but it may also make a good children’s story. The problem could be and, it’s worse than those specific content problems ... if the child asks the adult to explain the word (words actually) ‘.
P.o.r.e 4: Shopping for Mumbo Jumbo
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Series: Wellbeing, Book 8. Price: Free! Words: 8,820. Language: English. Published: July 10, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Health, wellbeing, & medicine » Healing
Shopping for Mumbo Jumbo? What that really means is, having an interesting time and even an amusing time shopping. That’s because wellbeing, or ‘mumbo jumbo’ really means, feeling good. That’s your purpose on earth, to come here on ‘holiday’ and have a good time. When we feel good, it’s called wellbeing (mumbo jumbo). So, come hear some shopping stories. It’s ok, they’re free.
The Story of The Black Grouse
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Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 8,920. Language: English. Published: July 9, 2014. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » General
The Black Grouse is an English hero in Scotland, helping out where the Scottish can’t, mainly due to their love of barley based refreshments. With his team, not only does the Grouse perform well at the Highland games, but also in his mission. The villains are English too, a right mad duo, but are sorted out by the grouse and his friends. The real villain is a Scot,
Shelley and Stoker
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Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 18,230. Language: English. Published: July 8, 2014. Category: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction
Mary Shelly and Bram Stoker, two great icons who had the human ability ‘afforded’ to some ... the ability to love what they did. Writing though, to both of them was a beloved hobby. Mary Shelley was a maker of things such as tissue boxes, from seashells, so she was self employed and wasn’t normal because she didn’t have a proper job. Her seafront shop was called Shelly’s Shelly Stuff.
England's Ultimate Goal
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Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 12,050. Language: English. Published: July 8, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Health, wellbeing, & medicine » Mental health
England win the World Cup at long last and also at long last, the fans are happy as are most of England. In wellbeing terms though, happiness begins within. That’s always a bitter pill to swallow for people unfamiliar with wellbeing, ‘like attracts like’, and so one must feel good in order to get good. What about when one feels bad to get good, as football fans usually do?
P.o.r.e. 2 & 3
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Series: Wellbeing, Book 7. Price: Free! Words: 16,680. Language: English. Published: July 4, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Health, wellbeing, & medicine » Mental health
PORE 2 looks at those annoying people, you know, those who are lucky.Everyone I’ve asked ‘believes’ in luck, but that’s the only word they have to describe that state of being. Luck must work a bit like gravity, PORE 3 looks at a couple of ideas regarding deforestation i.e. how to feel good and appreciate it, and more importantly ‘why’.
Skid Marks
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 24,640. Language: English. Published: June 29, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Biography » Autobiographies & Memoirs
The three stars lined up vertically and to the naked eye, looked like lights in a block of flats. The vertical celestial line up was directly above Coventry bus station and was an indication from the Lyra Constellation several light years away. This special line up was telling the people of the West Midlands (and England, probably the world) that the greatest bus driver was to start his training.
The Wing
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Price: Free! Words: 18,870. Language: English. Published: June 27, 2014. Category: Fiction » Adventure » Action
It’s about this woman who does something really clever which goes a little awry, which is a good job, because if it didn’t there would be no story. I’m not one for giving plots out, so just read the thing. I see actors on TV from soaps and new films who aren’t allowed to say anything, so I’ll keep my mouth shut.
P.o.r.e. 1
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Series: Wellbeing, Book 6. Price: Free! Words: 9,450. Language: English. Published: June 5, 2014. Category: Fiction » Inspirational
This is a little handbook on life, which isn’t packed with mumbo jumbo stuff. It won’t make you thin or rich or stop you a smoking, which is good because hospitals need patients, they’re their life’s blood (especially in haematology). The little widgy book logically supposes a few weirdo things and, contains some hyperbolic humour. The main logical question isn’t one that is usually asked in pubs.
Smiles
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Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 30,640. Language: English. Published: May 24, 2014. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
We know smiles are hard to come by and we could easily say ‘well, yes, it’s hard to smile because of what’s going on in the world ... but, people have been saying that for a very long time. The way we figure is, if you can smile in the times when it seems to be a difficult face contortion and an even more difficult image for the mind to play host to; your amusement is our intention.
Please Pray for Me
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Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 11,980. Language: English. Published: May 20, 2014. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
One man was brave enough to take a look at his last forty years of life, decided that it was riddled with sin ... and decided to do something about it. Unable to join the church because of past ‘sin’ thoughts (over 500!), he nevertheless chose to become Christian in his morals and values (and thoughts).
The Secret Life of Hospital Food
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Series: Wellbeing, Book 5. Price: $1.99 USD. Words: 19,270. Language: English. Published: April 27, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Health, wellbeing, & medicine » Diseases / heart
Have a stroke, it’s easy when you know how. Sit in a bed on a hospital ward and decide whether you should be angry or downhearted or feel blessed. Sit there for hours on end with only a wall and other almost completely stroke-disabled patients to look at. s it a good thing? Is it a bad thing? How is your perspective controlled?
Dragons’ ‘DEN’
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Price: $2.50 USD. Words: 13,850. Language: English. Published: February 22, 2014. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Dennis Brown is man whose mind’s connection to the Universe is a bit too good for this world. He’s a fish out of water. He’s lovely and helpful and wants a good life for himself and those close to him and the only way he sees of producing that personal scenario
Housework’s Invisible Gold
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Price: $3.50 USD. Words: 25,940. Language: English. Published: February 19, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Self-improvement » Personal Growth / General
like having babies, housework is really for women only; blokes won't do it. i'm, not saying that's right or wrong. what i'm saying is that women take the attitude they take because of a lack of understanding. this book is therefore, for women only.
Cheermotherapy
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Series: Wellbeing, Book 4. Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 26,340. Language: English. Published: February 10, 2014. Category: Nonfiction » Health, wellbeing, & medicine » Healthcare issues
People are so scared by this cancer ‘condition’ they get angry and offended at its very mention. People who hate their lives and there are many walking amongst the crowds of happy people in towns and cities, do not help themselves by additionally fearing this dark cloud. Our plague, cancer, we are told is very ‘evil’ ...
Sharpo's Town
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Price: $2.10 USD. Words: 46,340. Language: English. Published: January 16, 2014. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Urban
This is a true story, except for the bit’s that aren’t. Don’t be fooled. The bits that you think ‘are’ true, probably aren’t and the bits that you think aren’t true ... probably ‘are’ (probably). Anyway, saying that ... here is a recipe for your enjoyment. For your very own amusement fiasco stew.
An Egyptian Farewell
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Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 19,440. Language: English. Published: January 1, 2014. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
This we hope is an entertaining mix of short stories you can use to get yourself smiling at home, or, on a journey (if you’re driving, try reading them on traffic lights, not when you’re driving, duuuh). If you have as much fun reading them as we had writing and producing them, that will be our mission accomplished.
Mr Paganini
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 21,620. Language: English. Published: December 23, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Parody
Part 1. It’s the author’s birthday! Time for blank chequebook celebration which include, hog roast, champagne and fireworks ... ‘not’. Someone feels sorry for him and leaves a gift on his step, which will be nice to open at his solo party. The gift though is mega and changes his life. Part 2 tells of the darker, sinister side of the guitar. You probably won’t believe it.
Close Encounters in Cannington
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 21,660. Language: English. Published: December 7, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Starting in 1976, until its end in 1993, an event which took place in the agricultural college in Cannington, near Bridgewater, Somerset, stopped ‘local’ aliens from landing there and having a good time ‘researching’, which they had previously enjoyed. This true story is suitable for musicians and music lovers. It isn’t suitable for classical guitarists at all.
The Atomic Shepherd
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 8,820. Language: English. Published: December 5, 2013. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories
Each year, the World’s Biggest Liar competition is held at the Bridge Inn at Santon Bridge, way up there in the wilds of the Cumbrian North West of England. Whoever tells the most convincing lie gets the trophy.The book is also filled out with several other stories all suitable for the competition ... the 2013 winner is shown, but not his story of course.
Bed, Knobs and Groom Tricks 2, Sleeping On the Job.
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Series: Erotic Distractions. Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 11,780. Language: English. Published: November 17, 2013. Category: Fiction » Erotica » Couples Erotica
Learning the lesson from the first book, Dubai, I left the toilet door ajar this time and a draught closed it. The last book (Dubai ... well, did you? Dubai it? LOL!) is out there doing its thing, so now, locked in the loo again, I may as well start part 2.
A Little book of Mumagination
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Series: Wellbeing, Book 3. Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 4,090. Language: English. Published: November 13, 2013. Category: Fiction » Holiday » Family
This small book is designed to be read by mums. Hopefully if they like the short imaginative stories, they can then adapt the stories and tell them, in their own words to their child/children using the pictures.Goes hand in hand with Super Nature Imagination and Imagination City, Broken Toy and Thing hospital. Imagination is a powerful tool, nowadays used by sports and businesses alike. Introduci
Imagination City
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Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 2,710. Language: English. Published: November 9, 2013. Category: Fiction » Children’s books » Imagination & Play
I happen to enjoy finding broken and abandoned toys and things on the floor, picking them up, and giving them some time in my hospital before finding them somthing to do ... something which they enjoy. It’s a nice hospital. Very friendly, full of smiles when the patients feel a little better after they have had a rest after being rescued. It’s nice to go for a walk, find a sad face and know that
Bed, Knobs and Groom Tricks, Dubai
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Series: Erotic Distractions. Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 6,040. Language: English. Published: November 7, 2013. Category: Fiction » Erotica » Couples Erotica
You wouldn’t believe it, the toilet door is jammed again. I have nothing to do but wait until the locksmith arrives. Saying that, and idea comes to mind, so I take my notebook from the rear pocket of my diamond and ruby studded jeans and emerald encrusted belt ... and begin to write some erotica. This though is erotica with a difference, so avant garde you will need binoculars to see that garde.
Super Nature Imagination
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 2,360. Language: English. Published: October 24, 2013. Category: Fiction » Children’s books » Nature & the Natural World / Environment
Three stories based on a super style of nature from the imagination of the author, which is very child like and so, able to see the beauty of the world in easy to follow ‘short tale form’. The stories have a wellbeing flavour, and Frankie talks about the soul of the tree, and the friendly vibration of the pot figurine. He does all the photography too.
Pineapple Pleasure 2 - Sleeping on The Job
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Series: Erotic Distractions. Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 11,610. Language: English. Published: July 28, 2013. Category: Fiction » Erotica » Gay Erotica
Carl, Tony and their little winged friend Super Fly get together again. This time they travel to lands far and distant in a flying ‘rig’ designed by Super Fly, to a secret lab where a fantastic scientific/electronics expert genius (you wouldn’t believe how he achieved that position) in a secret lab, helps them design the world’s greatest, revolutionary, ‘probably’ sex toy.
An Amusing Imagination No1
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 31,170. Language: English. Published: July 18, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Here you go reader, two cupped handfuls of amusement. We hope you enjoy the stories. What else can we say? Enjoy, enjoy, be amused, smile ... get more amused, smile a bit more. Erm, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy ... be amused, be very amused, have a laugh. Erm, enjoy, enjoy, enjoy and we hope you will be amused., amused, amused, amused.
Four Tales of Awful Horror
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Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 15,390. Language: English. Published: June 16, 2013. Category: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction
This is a respectful tribute to the recently passed British horror author, the great, the well loved James Herbert. The four short stories have been written down by Frankie who channels the souls of who were great unknown British horror writers, James Turbot and Stephen Cling. October-Aurora-Sunrise
Hickory Dickory's Mouse Diner
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,910. Language: English. Published: May 27, 2013. Category: Fiction » Children’s books » Animals
If you have mice that are socially more refined than where you actually live, you may, if you don’t like killing mice with traps (it isn’t very nice, is it), take care of their culinary habits. We’re guessing 8-10 years with the reader age range. Maybe younger might enjoy it (if read with an adult). Adults may like to ‘borrow it and read it’?
The Legend of Billy Big Eyes
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Series: Erotic Distractions. Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 7,230. Language: English. Published: May 15, 2013. Category: Fiction » Erotica » Gay Erotica
One morning, quite a while after his operation, Billy wakes up to find his life has to change. Things change again after his boyfriend has an argument with some fish. A little different from the normal erotica, but less boring (so to speak).
The Fairies of Burpy Glade
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,260. Language: English. Published: March 6, 2013. Category: Nonfiction » Children's Books » Curiosities & Wonders
A story about some cheeky fairies that have quite an unpopular talent. Perfect for naughty children 'and' cheeky adults. We had to click the fiction button, but, is the story actually 'fiction'?
Jeremy Kyle - King of the Chavs
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Series: Fun and Fantasy, Book 22. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 20,640. Language: English. Published: January 29, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Jeremy Kyle (famous British broadcasting personality) becomes King of the Chavs (the underprivileged) through his morning TV show, and sets about matching chav babies with fathers (God even stresses over the thought of that one), and achieving 100% proper job rate amongst the same fathers (God? Don’t even go there). As good a Monarch as he is, Jeremy forgets one vital need of his people.
The Tipsy Trip
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 21,290. Language: English. Published: January 11, 2013. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Frankie has quite a good sense of humour, which on occasion, can raise a smile on people's faces. Since writing a book about his old home town, Millom's strange history, he decided to extend the view to include the rest of Cumbria.
SPC Jones & The Plobster
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 11,330. Language: English. Published: December 31, 2012. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Looking back, Frankie seems to remember that this funky little piece was a present for Jenny. She seemed like an interesting lady, and he thought he would record a snippet of her life as a Frie-Ography, a friend biography. At the time, she ‘was’ a Special PC, a lady of money making ideas, a supermarket worker, and a keen weekend fell walker and climber in Wales and the English Lake District.
The Gift of Dementia
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 26,230. Language: English. Published: August 16, 2012. Category: Nonfiction » Health, wellbeing, & medicine » Mental health
The people of the world plod along ... and plod along.People are conditioned into ways of life that don’t ‘work’, yet they keep on doing them and keep on doing them, but they don’t work, so they just keep on repeating them, but they don’t work so ... try again. And the same things happen, but we can’t fix them and neither can the people who we give our trust and hope to in order to fix them.
Pineapple Pleasure
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Series: Erotic Distractions. Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 4,920. Language: English. Published: August 6, 2012. Category: Fiction » Erotica » Gay Erotica
(4.00 from 1 review)
Carl and Tony are two gay guys living together in a Civil Partnership.Carl’s dream is to go to Dubai for the holiday of a lifetime, but they have little money, with the only compensation being a good sex life.Is this to be it? A life where they are sexually fulfilled, but broke. It could be worse, but it could be a hell of a lot better too. October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s PA).
Wonderful Irreverence
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 40,990. Language: English. Published: July 23, 2012. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
Irreverence just means a lack of respect. Frankie says this was fun to write. Distractions are short stories to take your mind off the awfulness that is your day. The never ending brain pounding of your work (?), the Olympics, Recessions, unemployment, crime, and a million other things. Have fun. Laugh ... and then try to laugh at your day. October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s trauma buddy, PA.
The Even Thinner Collection
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 12,530. Language: Commonwealth English. Published: July 9, 2012. Category: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction
This is the first collection from Stephen Cling’s Chizzel House of Horror, the superior cousin to Hammer. In his last book, which he shared with James Turbot, Cling gave such delights as Coo Joe, and Miserly ...written to help Stephen King improve, get richer, and build a bigger fan base. This time he gives you Even Thinner and Firestarter Meets ... can’t tell you yet.
The Music of Your Life
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 18,110. Language: English. Published: June 30, 2012. Category: Nonfiction » Self-improvement » Confidence and self-esteem
For women only (men just don’t get it ... it isn’t soccer or baseball), Do you like your life? Do you know that everything in the Universe vibrates? Did you know that this means you live in an active musical symphony? Did you know that you are a musician in this symphony? Did you know that the music you produce attracts your reality (part of the symphony)?.Read all about it!(I shouted that).
The bLAUGHSphemic Double Dare
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 24,670. Language: English. Published: May 30, 2012. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
Once upon a time, the word blasphsphemy must have been spelt blaughsphemy, until the inventors of wonderful religion removed a few of the letters, and with it the fun aspect of the word. They then made ‘you know who’ an angry entity, out to get us for eating fruit one fateful day; a terrible, terrible, sin. Sin ... don’t you just ‘love it’...
Irreverent Distraction No.6, Beware of the Scientists
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 6,910. Language: English. Published: April 3, 2012. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
You read in the paper; ‘drinking red wine may cause cancer, say scientists’ ... so you analyse your red wine intake (and cut down). One month later, you read; ‘red wine may not be a cause of cancer, say scientists’ ... so you up your red wine intake, because you’re ok to do so now ... you’ve been given the all clear by the ‘experts’. But wait! Your ‘red wine soup’ causes cancer ... again
A Hand in Horror
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 9,100. Language: English. Published: March 24, 2012. Category: Fiction » Horror » Weird fiction
Strangely enough, this could almost be looked at as a love story, between men, but certainly not gay (not that there is anything at all wrong with gay). It is not written as a love story, but the writings contained are from two would be teachers, to their undisputed ‘heroes’, written in an attempt to make their heroes even greater. Can a teacher love a pupil?
The Parallelogames
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Series: Fun and Fantasy, Book 17. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 10,600. Language: English. Published: March 10, 2012. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » General
It’s 2012! It’s time for the Olympics! Ah but! On an earth ‘twin’ planet, in a parallel Universe, they have a little extra. Someone came up with the bright idea of having Fringe Olympics i.e. various sports here and there which do not, for one reason or another, get to be part of the main events. What the Olympics do for seriousness, the Fringe Games do for ‘fun’. Enter the portal, and enjoy th
Wot's the Matter
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Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 10,310. Language: English. Published: February 15, 2012. Category: Nonfiction » Self-improvement » Personal Growth / Memory Improvement
When you look at the world, you could be excused for thinking, ‘what an awful place’, because of all the things that are happening both to you, and to other people ... few are going to explain that this is a trick, played by yourself, on yourself. Science will try and bamboozle you, religion will flummox you, and ,may even fill you with fear ... over ‘nothing’.
Erotic Distraction No 4; Agony Grant
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Series: Erotic Distractions. Price: $1.49 USD. Words: 19,940. Language: English. Published: February 12, 2012. Category: Fiction » Erotica » Comedy/Humor
Grant is a self styled Agony Uncle, the world’s greatest; 'probably' doesn’t come into it. Although he doesn’t have any proper customers, Grant (named Agony Grant by his mate Trev), for publicity, uses the work of another famous agony columnist, just to show potential customers what an expert he really is; he has tons of common sense and bucket loads of compassion.Plenty of 'dirty bits inside...
Absurd Tales from the NHS
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Price: $3.49 USD. Words: 20,720. Language: English. Published: January 18, 2012. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
The NHS in Britain is in crisis, so this should be an interesting read for those who like hospital dramas. I'm an outsider, but the people from the NHS who have read it have said ... "Too close for comfort." Some from other walks of life have said ... "Well that sounds about true."
The Little Pink Well Being Bible (For Women Only)
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Series: Wellbeing, Book 1. Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 11,450. Language: English. Published: January 14, 2012. Category: Nonfiction » Self-improvement » Confidence and self-esteem
This offering is ‘how to remember you’re a special woman’. All woman are special, they just don’t realise it. Women populate the earth. Men impregnate them, but, that isn’t necessary; the Bible tells us that, twice at least (if you choose to believe that). So, men are there to lift heavy weights and move stuff. This handbook is therefore for women and their children. It consists of some useful wisdom, and some great reasons why you should all have massive, female, self-appreciation.
Heart Beet
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Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 12,030. Language: English. Published: January 9, 2012. Category: Fiction » Romance » Adult
Love? What’s love? Something that makes you feel very good. Heart Beet? A woman finds the ‘perfect love’, or does she? Polystyrene. Is a mother’s love for her family maybe OTT? Or not? Selina? A bit controversial, but which love is the most important? (It’s the one most folk treat as the most unimportant).
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