Four Tales of Awful Horror
by Frankie Lassut
Price: Free! 15260 words.
Published on June 16, 2013. Fiction.
This is a respectful tribute to the recently passed British horror author, the great, the well loved James Herbert. The four short stories have been lovingly written by who was Herbert’s unofficial ‘make greater through example’ mentor, James Turbot and his contemporary, Stephen King’s unofficial ‘ditto’ mentor, the great British horror writer, Stephen Cling.
Location: United Kingdom
Member Since: Feb. 25, 2011
5 users have added this author as a favorite.
Frankie Lassut
Biography
Write a bio?
I don’t want to write a bio, I want someone else to write it for me. You see, someone told me that self praise is no recommendation, and I’m not going to say ... “Well, I’m ok, you know, quite a good writer.”
I’m the dude!
“Really? Who do you think YOU are, bighead!?”
See.
The ideal thing would be to get someone to write one for me, but, I live in Coventry, and immediately there are two barriers against me. The first one is, ‘find someone who picked that bit up at school’ (maybe I should go make a few friends in Birmingham?).
And 2. Actually get someone to actually do it.
I was stuck.
Then I had a great idea. Credit cards!
I get so many credit card applications through the door, I have had to move into a tent in the garden because the house is full of pens (it’s like one of those hoarder programmes). If someone rings, and asks me if I have a pen, it takes me five minutes to choose a suitable one (I’m not going to use one that doesn’t match my shirt, or eye shadow). So, in order to get this profile done, and maybe even the book write ups, I applied for several credit cards, received them, ‘maxed them out’, and said I couldn’t afford the repayments. That’s when the hostilities began i.e. letters, phone calls asking me why I couldn’t pay, and telling me how irresponsible I’d been, etc etc ..Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
I got that traumatised, I created my own trauma buddy to handle it for me.
Why though waste a trauma buddy just on credit card rubbish? Why not get ‘her’ to write a bio for me? Do the book write ups? Etc. Great idea.
October-Aurora-Sunrise agreed! Now we’re friends, but we’ve never met, because every time she turns up to use my body, I ‘zone’ out. I’m a bit like Esther Hicks with Abraham.
Abraham – Hicks? Sunrise – Lassut!
hang on ... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ...
Hello! October-Aurora-Sunrise here! I’m an upper class ‘chav’, and I have a good time in the ‘realm’ where I live. I’m in the country in a Gothic Castle. I was playing croquet the other day with friends, when I heard Frankie calling for some help with these people who run credit card companies and debt collection agencies ... they’re good sport as far as I’m concerned.
Frankie lives in Coventry, England. Originally he was from the English Lake District, where he lived in a little town called Millom. That's probably why there are a couple of books on Cumbria in his arsenal (Cumbria, the tourist Misguide, and Happy Juice). He's done loads of jobs from sweeping up to bus driving (that's driving a mobile lunatic asylum). He's really generous, and has a sweet tooth. He likes animals, and over the years has saved loads of hedgehogs by running out into busy roads to pick them up. He may write a book called 'The Hedgehogs I rescued 20 years on.' ... one is a lawyer now, and another a Lollipop Man.
Frankie as a writer? He’s the dude! Very refreshing, says it as it is. Covers seven genres, and has a good time as he does so. Read his books, you’ll have a ball. I do, and my friends do.
I call him a pen-tertainer.
The Wonky Books Team
Evo Nelliott ... Editor, proof reader, formatter, and art critic.
October-Aurora-Sunrise ... Frankie’s PR.
P. P. Kettlozonya ... Editor and proof reader.
Sahara-Goldings-Holding ... proof reader, literary bloodhound, computer advisor.
Frankie Lassut ... Writer, source of amusement.
I don’t want to write a bio, I want someone else to write it for me. You see, someone told me that self praise is no recommendation, and I’m not going to say ... “Well, I’m ok, you know, quite a good writer.”
I’m the dude!
“Really? Who do you think YOU are, bighead!?”
See.
The ideal thing would be to get someone to write one for me, but, I live in Coventry, and immediately there are two barriers against me. The first one is, ‘find someone who picked that bit up at school’ (maybe I should go make a few friends in Birmingham?).
And 2. Actually get someone to actually do it.
I was stuck.
Then I had a great idea. Credit cards!
I get so many credit card applications through the door, I have had to move into a tent in the garden because the house is full of pens (it’s like one of those hoarder programmes). If someone rings, and asks me if I have a pen, it takes me five minutes to choose a suitable one (I’m not going to use one that doesn’t match my shirt, or eye shadow). So, in order to get this profile done, and maybe even the book write ups, I applied for several credit cards, received them, ‘maxed them out’, and said I couldn’t afford the repayments. That’s when the hostilities began i.e. letters, phone calls asking me why I couldn’t pay, and telling me how irresponsible I’d been, etc etc ..Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz!
I got that traumatised, I created my own trauma buddy to handle it for me.
Why though waste a trauma buddy just on credit card rubbish? Why not get ‘her’ to write a bio for me? Do the book write ups? Etc. Great idea.
October-Aurora-Sunrise agreed! Now we’re friends, but we’ve never met, because every time she turns up to use my body, I ‘zone’ out. I’m a bit like Esther Hicks with Abraham.
Abraham – Hicks? Sunrise – Lassut!
hang on ... Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm ...
Hello! October-Aurora-Sunrise here! I’m an upper class ‘chav’, and I have a good time in the ‘realm’ where I live. I’m in the country in a Gothic Castle. I was playing croquet the other day with friends, when I heard Frankie calling for some help with these people who run credit card companies and debt collection agencies ... they’re good sport as far as I’m concerned.
Frankie lives in Coventry, England. Originally he was from the English Lake District, where he lived in a little town called Millom. That's probably why there are a couple of books on Cumbria in his arsenal (Cumbria, the tourist Misguide, and Happy Juice). He's done loads of jobs from sweeping up to bus driving (that's driving a mobile lunatic asylum). He's really generous, and has a sweet tooth. He likes animals, and over the years has saved loads of hedgehogs by running out into busy roads to pick them up. He may write a book called 'The Hedgehogs I rescued 20 years on.' ... one is a lawyer now, and another a Lollipop Man.
Frankie as a writer? He’s the dude! Very refreshing, says it as it is. Covers seven genres, and has a good time as he does so. Read his books, you’ll have a ball. I do, and my friends do.
I call him a pen-tertainer.
The Wonky Books Team
Evo Nelliott ... Editor, proof reader, formatter, and art critic.
October-Aurora-Sunrise ... Frankie’s PR.
P. P. Kettlozonya ... Editor and proof reader.
Sahara-Goldings-Holding ... proof reader, literary bloodhound, computer advisor.
Frankie Lassut ... Writer, source of amusement.
Where to find Frankie Lassut online
Website: http://www.frankie-lassut.com
Books
Hickory Dickory's Mouse Diner
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 3910 words. Published on May 27, 2013. Fiction.
If you have mice that are socially more refined than where you actually live, you may, if you don’t like killing mice with traps (it isn’t very nice, is it), take care of their culinary habits. We’re guessing 8-10 years with the reader age range. Maybe younger might enjoy it (if read with an adult). Adults may like to ‘borrow it and read it’?
Price: $0.99 USD. 3910 words. Published on May 27, 2013. Fiction.
If you have mice that are socially more refined than where you actually live, you may, if you don’t like killing mice with traps (it isn’t very nice, is it), take care of their culinary habits. We’re guessing 8-10 years with the reader age range. Maybe younger might enjoy it (if read with an adult). Adults may like to ‘borrow it and read it’?
The Legend of Billy Big Eyes
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 7230 words. Published on May 15, 2013. Fiction.
One morning, quite a while after his operation, Billy wakes up to find his life has to change. Things change again after his boyfriend has an argument with some fish. A little different from the normal erotica, but less boring (so to speak).
Price: $0.99 USD. 7230 words. Published on May 15, 2013. Fiction.
One morning, quite a while after his operation, Billy wakes up to find his life has to change. Things change again after his boyfriend has an argument with some fish. A little different from the normal erotica, but less boring (so to speak).
The Fairies of Burpy Glade
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 3260 words. Published on March 6, 2013. Nonfiction.
A story about some cheeky fairies that have quite an unpopular talent. Perfect for naughty children 'and' cheeky adults. We had to click the fiction button, but, is the story actually 'fiction'?
Price: $0.99 USD. 3260 words. Published on March 6, 2013. Nonfiction.
A story about some cheeky fairies that have quite an unpopular talent. Perfect for naughty children 'and' cheeky adults. We had to click the fiction button, but, is the story actually 'fiction'?
Jeremy Kyle - King of the Chavs
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 20640 words. Published on January 29, 2013. Fiction.
Jeremy Kyle (famous British broadcasting personality) becomes King of the Chavs (the underprivileged) through his morning TV show, and sets about matching chav babies with fathers (God even stresses over the thought of that one), and achieving 100% proper job rate amongst the same fathers (God? Don’t even go there). As good a Monarch as he is, Jeremy forgets one vital need of his people.
Price: $0.99 USD. 20640 words. Published on January 29, 2013. Fiction.
Jeremy Kyle (famous British broadcasting personality) becomes King of the Chavs (the underprivileged) through his morning TV show, and sets about matching chav babies with fathers (God even stresses over the thought of that one), and achieving 100% proper job rate amongst the same fathers (God? Don’t even go there). As good a Monarch as he is, Jeremy forgets one vital need of his people.
The Tipsy Trip
by Frankie Lassut
Price: Free! 21290 words. Published on January 11, 2013. Fiction.
Frankie has an ‘off the wall Soul’ which sees things in a different perspective to most other people. Since writing a book about his old home town, Millom, he decided to extend the view to include the rest of Zzzzzzzzz Cumbria.
Price: Free! 21290 words. Published on January 11, 2013. Fiction.
Frankie has an ‘off the wall Soul’ which sees things in a different perspective to most other people. Since writing a book about his old home town, Millom, he decided to extend the view to include the rest of Zzzzzzzzz Cumbria.
SPC Jones & The Plobster
by Frankie Lassut
Price: Free! 11330 words. Published on December 31, 2012. Fiction.
Looking back, Frankie seems to remember that this funky little piece was a present for Jenny. She seemed like an interesting lady, and he thought he would record a snippet of her life as a Frie-Ography, a friend biography. At the time, she ‘was’ a Special PC, a lady of money making ideas, a supermarket worker, and a keen weekend fell walker and climber in Wales and the English Lake District.
Price: Free! 11330 words. Published on December 31, 2012. Fiction.
Looking back, Frankie seems to remember that this funky little piece was a present for Jenny. She seemed like an interesting lady, and he thought he would record a snippet of her life as a Frie-Ography, a friend biography. At the time, she ‘was’ a Special PC, a lady of money making ideas, a supermarket worker, and a keen weekend fell walker and climber in Wales and the English Lake District.
Making Giggle Brew
by Frankie Lassut
Price: Free! 11460 words. Published on December 19, 2012. Fiction.
This is a business card/invite, and it’s a million times more superior to a paper business card ... because we haven’t used any paper, therefore no tree. Doing it as an e business card means we can do it as a book, full of laughs (we hope). How cool is that!? Enjoy! October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s friend and body building adviser).
Price: Free! 11460 words. Published on December 19, 2012. Fiction.
This is a business card/invite, and it’s a million times more superior to a paper business card ... because we haven’t used any paper, therefore no tree. Doing it as an e business card means we can do it as a book, full of laughs (we hope). How cool is that!? Enjoy! October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s friend and body building adviser).
Poet
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 25510 words. Published on December 4, 2012. Nonfiction.
The story of Coventry's 'Greatest' 'EVER' bus driver.The story of Coventry's 'Greatest' 'EVER' bus driver. The journey to Godlike status begins in the car park of a school where Frankie is teaching, where an inventoion is born. This leads to an inventions company where our not yet God-like hero puts his brain through a potato mincer, then finds out what failure tastes like. This ends in champagn
Price: $0.99 USD. 25510 words. Published on December 4, 2012. Nonfiction.
The story of Coventry's 'Greatest' 'EVER' bus driver.The story of Coventry's 'Greatest' 'EVER' bus driver. The journey to Godlike status begins in the car park of a school where Frankie is teaching, where an inventoion is born. This leads to an inventions company where our not yet God-like hero puts his brain through a potato mincer, then finds out what failure tastes like. This ends in champagn
Joss Naylor
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 8480 words. Published on November 27, 2012. Fiction.
Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond his control, Frankie couldn’t make the World’s Biggest Liar competition this year, 2012. So, he has decided to enter by writing it down so people can read it. Unfortunately, he is unable to lie, and so, has had to invent a Sister competition called, The World’s Biggest Truth Teller.
Price: $0.99 USD. 8480 words. Published on November 27, 2012. Fiction.
Unfortunately, due to circumstances beyond his control, Frankie couldn’t make the World’s Biggest Liar competition this year, 2012. So, he has decided to enter by writing it down so people can read it. Unfortunately, he is unable to lie, and so, has had to invent a Sister competition called, The World’s Biggest Truth Teller.
Nann Tognic 1985
by Frankie Lassut
Price: Free! 21600 words. Published on November 22, 2012. Fiction.
That’s an alien tongue for a Village, in England, which has no alien ‘ground’ intrusion. This happened because of a particular group of people, some of them instrumentalists, (I suppose you could say instru-MENTAL-ists).
Price: Free! 21600 words. Published on November 22, 2012. Fiction.
That’s an alien tongue for a Village, in England, which has no alien ‘ground’ intrusion. This happened because of a particular group of people, some of them instrumentalists, (I suppose you could say instru-MENTAL-ists).
The Christmas Concert
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 2650 words. Published on November 19, 2012. Fiction.
This began as a children’s story, but then Frankie put it aside for a couple of years because there was no ending coming. Recently Evo Nelliot said to him, “do a children’s story ... finish that fish one.” The ending then came, but not as expected. So, it’s a fantastical children’s story for adults, but, as it deals with normal human behaviour.
Price: $0.99 USD. 2650 words. Published on November 19, 2012. Fiction.
This began as a children’s story, but then Frankie put it aside for a couple of years because there was no ending coming. Recently Evo Nelliot said to him, “do a children’s story ... finish that fish one.” The ending then came, but not as expected. So, it’s a fantastical children’s story for adults, but, as it deals with normal human behaviour.
Oh God What Have You Done?
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $1.99 USD. 43490 words. Published on November 4, 2012. Fiction.
This is a humorous account of a small town, Millom, in Cumbria in the North West of England which once had a 'little' problem. See the longer explanation... This is S.A.H ... 'Scientist Approved' Humour.
Price: $1.99 USD. 43490 words. Published on November 4, 2012. Fiction.
This is a humorous account of a small town, Millom, in Cumbria in the North West of England which once had a 'little' problem. See the longer explanation... This is S.A.H ... 'Scientist Approved' Humour.
Fun Spots
by Frankie Lassut
Price: Free! 27600 words. Published on August 27, 2012. Fiction.
This is what my great buddy Frankie gets up to between writing ultra bestselling works of fact and fiction which are even popular on Mars and many other planets, some not even in this galaxy (Pay Pal struggle with the conversions sometimes). Fun Spots are literal Milky Ways (the chocolate bar) i.e. the ditties you can write between books without ruining you inspiration appetite. Enjoy! O-A-S
Price: Free! 27600 words. Published on August 27, 2012. Fiction.
This is what my great buddy Frankie gets up to between writing ultra bestselling works of fact and fiction which are even popular on Mars and many other planets, some not even in this galaxy (Pay Pal struggle with the conversions sometimes). Fun Spots are literal Milky Ways (the chocolate bar) i.e. the ditties you can write between books without ruining you inspiration appetite. Enjoy! O-A-S
The Gift of Dementia
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 26230 words. Published on August 16, 2012. Nonfiction.
The people of the world plod along ... and plod along.People are conditioned into ways of life that don’t ‘work’, yet they keep on doing them and keep on doing them, but they don’t work, so they just keep on repeating them, but they don’t work so ... try again. And the same things happen, but we can’t fix them and neither can the people who we give our trust and hope to in order to fix them.
Price: $0.99 USD. 26230 words. Published on August 16, 2012. Nonfiction.
The people of the world plod along ... and plod along.People are conditioned into ways of life that don’t ‘work’, yet they keep on doing them and keep on doing them, but they don’t work, so they just keep on repeating them, but they don’t work so ... try again. And the same things happen, but we can’t fix them and neither can the people who we give our trust and hope to in order to fix them.
Pineapple Pleasure
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 4920 words. Published on August 6, 2012. Fiction.
(4.00 from 1 review)
Carl and Tony are two gay guys living together in a Civil Partnership.Carl’s dream is to go to Dubai for the holiday of a lifetime, but they have little money, with the only compensation being a good sex life.Is this to be it? A life where they are sexually fulfilled, but broke. It could be worse, but it could be a hell of a lot better too. October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s PA).
Price: $0.99 USD. 4920 words. Published on August 6, 2012. Fiction.
(4.00 from 1 review) Carl and Tony are two gay guys living together in a Civil Partnership.Carl’s dream is to go to Dubai for the holiday of a lifetime, but they have little money, with the only compensation being a good sex life.Is this to be it? A life where they are sexually fulfilled, but broke. It could be worse, but it could be a hell of a lot better too. October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s PA).
Wonderful Irreverence
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 40990 words. Published on July 23, 2012. Fiction.
Irreverence just means a lack of respect. Frankie says this was fun to write. Distractions are short stories to take your mind off the awfulness that is your day. The never ending brain pounding of your work (?), the Olympics, Recessions, unemployment, crime, and a million other things. Have fun. Laugh ... and then try to laugh at your day. October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s trauma buddy, PA.
Price: $0.99 USD. 40990 words. Published on July 23, 2012. Fiction.
Irreverence just means a lack of respect. Frankie says this was fun to write. Distractions are short stories to take your mind off the awfulness that is your day. The never ending brain pounding of your work (?), the Olympics, Recessions, unemployment, crime, and a million other things. Have fun. Laugh ... and then try to laugh at your day. October-Aurora-Sunrise (Frankie’s trauma buddy, PA.
The Even Thinner Collection
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 12530 words. Published on July 9, 2012. Fiction.
This is the first collection from Stephen Cling’s Chizzel House of Horror, the superior cousin to Hammer. In his last book, which he shared with James Turbot, Cling gave such delights as Coo Joe, and Miserly ...written to help Stephen King improve, get richer, and build a bigger fan base. This time he gives you Even Thinner and Firestarter Meets ... can’t tell you yet.
Price: $0.99 USD. 12530 words. Published on July 9, 2012. Fiction.
This is the first collection from Stephen Cling’s Chizzel House of Horror, the superior cousin to Hammer. In his last book, which he shared with James Turbot, Cling gave such delights as Coo Joe, and Miserly ...written to help Stephen King improve, get richer, and build a bigger fan base. This time he gives you Even Thinner and Firestarter Meets ... can’t tell you yet.
The Music of Your Life
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 18110 words. Published on June 30, 2012. Nonfiction.
For women only (men just don’t get it ... it isn’t soccer or baseball), Do you like your life? Do you know that everything in the Universe vibrates? Did you know that this means you live in an active musical symphony? Did you know that you are a musician in this symphony? Did you know that the music you produce attracts your reality (part of the symphony)?.Read all about it!(I shouted that).
Price: $0.99 USD. 18110 words. Published on June 30, 2012. Nonfiction.
For women only (men just don’t get it ... it isn’t soccer or baseball), Do you like your life? Do you know that everything in the Universe vibrates? Did you know that this means you live in an active musical symphony? Did you know that you are a musician in this symphony? Did you know that the music you produce attracts your reality (part of the symphony)?.Read all about it!(I shouted that).
The bLAUGHSphemic Double Dare
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 24670 words. Published on May 30, 2012. Fiction.
Once upon a time, the word blasphsphemy must have been spelt blaughsphemy, until the inventors of wonderful religion removed a few of the letters, and with it the fun aspect of the word. They then made ‘you know who’ an angry entity, out to get us for eating fruit one fateful day; a terrible, terrible, sin. Sin ... don’t you just ‘love it’...
Price: $0.99 USD. 24670 words. Published on May 30, 2012. Fiction.
Once upon a time, the word blasphsphemy must have been spelt blaughsphemy, until the inventors of wonderful religion removed a few of the letters, and with it the fun aspect of the word. They then made ‘you know who’ an angry entity, out to get us for eating fruit one fateful day; a terrible, terrible, sin. Sin ... don’t you just ‘love it’...
The War of the Lucrative Words
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 19410 words. Published on April 14, 2012. Fiction.
The people of Alcester were complaining about money, tourism, and development. Along comes a creative writer who’s a bit tuned in, tapped in and turned on. They are offered, after a very short time, a gift horse ... they find it so unwelcome they don’t even bother to inspect the teeth. That howling dog just loves sitting on that thistle.
Price: $0.99 USD. 19410 words. Published on April 14, 2012. Fiction.
The people of Alcester were complaining about money, tourism, and development. Along comes a creative writer who’s a bit tuned in, tapped in and turned on. They are offered, after a very short time, a gift horse ... they find it so unwelcome they don’t even bother to inspect the teeth. That howling dog just loves sitting on that thistle.
Irreverent Distraction No.6, Beware of the Scientists
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 6910 words. Published on April 3, 2012. Fiction.
You read in the paper; ‘drinking red wine may cause cancer, say scientists’ ... so you analyse your red wine intake (and cut down). One month later, you read; ‘red wine may not be a cause of cancer, say scientists’ ... so you up your red wine intake, because you’re ok to do so now ... you’ve been given the all clear by the ‘experts’. But wait! Your ‘red wine soup’ causes cancer ... again
Price: $0.99 USD. 6910 words. Published on April 3, 2012. Fiction.
You read in the paper; ‘drinking red wine may cause cancer, say scientists’ ... so you analyse your red wine intake (and cut down). One month later, you read; ‘red wine may not be a cause of cancer, say scientists’ ... so you up your red wine intake, because you’re ok to do so now ... you’ve been given the all clear by the ‘experts’. But wait! Your ‘red wine soup’ causes cancer ... again
A Hand in Horror
by Frankie Lassut
Price: Free! 9100 words. Published on March 24, 2012. Fiction.
Strangely enough, this could almost be looked at as a love story, between men, but certainly not gay (not that there is anything at all wrong with gay). It is not written as a love story, but the writings contained are from two would be teachers, to their undisputed ‘heroes’, written in an attempt to make their heroes even greater. Can a teacher love a pupil?
Price: Free! 9100 words. Published on March 24, 2012. Fiction.
Strangely enough, this could almost be looked at as a love story, between men, but certainly not gay (not that there is anything at all wrong with gay). It is not written as a love story, but the writings contained are from two would be teachers, to their undisputed ‘heroes’, written in an attempt to make their heroes even greater. Can a teacher love a pupil?
The Musical Picture Tie
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 23810 words. Published on March 13, 2012. Fiction.
This book contains two ditties. The Musical Picture Tie. The author receives a gift, a musical picture tie (fanfare!). But, it is no ordinary tie, and the crazy adventure begins. The second ditty: The Open Mic Night Conspiracy tells of a sinister group whose members attend these evenings i.e open mic nights in pubs, and their ‘discoveries’ are used to do terrible things to people.
Price: $0.99 USD. 23810 words. Published on March 13, 2012. Fiction.
This book contains two ditties. The Musical Picture Tie. The author receives a gift, a musical picture tie (fanfare!). But, it is no ordinary tie, and the crazy adventure begins. The second ditty: The Open Mic Night Conspiracy tells of a sinister group whose members attend these evenings i.e open mic nights in pubs, and their ‘discoveries’ are used to do terrible things to people.
The Parallelogames
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 18400 words. Published on March 10, 2012. Fiction.
It’s 2012! It’s time for the Olympics! Ah but! On an earth ‘twin’ planet, in a parallel Universe, they have a little extra. Someone came up with the bright idea of having Fringe Olympics i.e. various sports here and there which do not, for one reason or another, get to be part of the main events. What the Olympics do for seriousness, the Fringe Games do for ‘fun’. Enter the portal, and enjoy th
Price: $0.99 USD. 18400 words. Published on March 10, 2012. Fiction.
It’s 2012! It’s time for the Olympics! Ah but! On an earth ‘twin’ planet, in a parallel Universe, they have a little extra. Someone came up with the bright idea of having Fringe Olympics i.e. various sports here and there which do not, for one reason or another, get to be part of the main events. What the Olympics do for seriousness, the Fringe Games do for ‘fun’. Enter the portal, and enjoy th
A Pie, a Pint and a Pee
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 8230 words. Published on March 3, 2012. Fiction.
I’m neither a football fan or a football writer. Actually, football, soccer, is all an awful lot of people have to make them happy, and that’s only if the team wins ... what a way to live. Do some people’s lives (an awful lot of them) really only have any quality meaning if their team wins?
Price: $0.99 USD. 8230 words. Published on March 3, 2012. Fiction.
I’m neither a football fan or a football writer. Actually, football, soccer, is all an awful lot of people have to make them happy, and that’s only if the team wins ... what a way to live. Do some people’s lives (an awful lot of them) really only have any quality meaning if their team wins?
The ‘Dry Stone Walled’ Pyramid
by Frankie Lassut
You set the price! 25560 words. Published on February 27, 2012. Fiction.
I would have said that the title story was based on the Staffordshire Stash, but I wrote this first (look the Staffordshire Stash up, very interesting). The Staffordshire Stash therefore is based on this story. The rest of the stories? Rats and lizards and things, plus other interesting stuff that pops up every now and then.
You set the price! 25560 words. Published on February 27, 2012. Fiction.
I would have said that the title story was based on the Staffordshire Stash, but I wrote this first (look the Staffordshire Stash up, very interesting). The Staffordshire Stash therefore is based on this story. The rest of the stories? Rats and lizards and things, plus other interesting stuff that pops up every now and then.
Wot's the Matter
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 10310 words. Published on February 15, 2012. Nonfiction.
When you look at the world, you could be excused for thinking, ‘what an awful place’, because of all the things that are happening both to you, and to other people ... few are going to explain that this is a trick, played by yourself, on yourself. Science will try and bamboozle you, religion will flummox you, and ,may even fill you with fear ... over ‘nothing’.
Price: $0.99 USD. 10310 words. Published on February 15, 2012. Nonfiction.
When you look at the world, you could be excused for thinking, ‘what an awful place’, because of all the things that are happening both to you, and to other people ... few are going to explain that this is a trick, played by yourself, on yourself. Science will try and bamboozle you, religion will flummox you, and ,may even fill you with fear ... over ‘nothing’.
Erotic Distraction No 4; Agony Grant
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 19940 words. Published on February 12, 2012. Fiction.
Grant is a self styled Agony Uncle, the world’s greatest; 'probably' doesn’t come into it. Although he doesn’t have any proper customers, Grant (named Agony Grant by his mate Trev), for publicity, uses the work of another famous agony columnist, just to show potential customers what an expert he really is; he has tons of common sense and bucket loads of compassion.Plenty of 'dirty bits inside...
Price: $0.99 USD. 19940 words. Published on February 12, 2012. Fiction.
Grant is a self styled Agony Uncle, the world’s greatest; 'probably' doesn’t come into it. Although he doesn’t have any proper customers, Grant (named Agony Grant by his mate Trev), for publicity, uses the work of another famous agony columnist, just to show potential customers what an expert he really is; he has tons of common sense and bucket loads of compassion.Plenty of 'dirty bits inside...
How I, One of Life's Star Members, Avoided the Jealous Wrath of My Social Class
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 22130 words. Published on January 26, 2012. Essay.
Are 'you' a star player? Are you a person who could shine in life if they wanted to? Do you know the consequences when the people find out you've made money? How could you avoid the jealous wrath? Here's how I managed it ... ahhh, it's good to be accepted by your creed.
Price: $0.99 USD. 22130 words. Published on January 26, 2012. Essay.
Are 'you' a star player? Are you a person who could shine in life if they wanted to? Do you know the consequences when the people find out you've made money? How could you avoid the jealous wrath? Here's how I managed it ... ahhh, it's good to be accepted by your creed.
Absurd Tales from the NHS
by Frankie Lassut
Price: Free! 20720 words. Published on January 18, 2012. Fiction.
The NHS in Britain is in crisis, so this should be an interesting read for those who like hospital dramas. I'm an outsider, but the people from the NHS who have read it have said ... "Too close for comfort." Some from other walks of life have said ... "Well that sounds about true."
Price: Free! 20720 words. Published on January 18, 2012. Fiction.
The NHS in Britain is in crisis, so this should be an interesting read for those who like hospital dramas. I'm an outsider, but the people from the NHS who have read it have said ... "Too close for comfort." Some from other walks of life have said ... "Well that sounds about true."
The Little Pink Well Being Bible (For Women Only)
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 11450 words. Published on January 14, 2012. Nonfiction.
This offering is ‘how to remember you’re a special woman’. All woman are special, they just don’t realise it. Women populate the earth. Men impregnate them, but, that isn’t necessary; the Bible tells us that, twice at least (if you choose to believe that). So, men are there to lift heavy weights and move stuff. This handbook is therefore for women and their children. It consists of some useful wisdom, and some great reasons why you should all have massive, female, self-appreciation.
Price: $0.99 USD. 11450 words. Published on January 14, 2012. Nonfiction.
This offering is ‘how to remember you’re a special woman’. All woman are special, they just don’t realise it. Women populate the earth. Men impregnate them, but, that isn’t necessary; the Bible tells us that, twice at least (if you choose to believe that). So, men are there to lift heavy weights and move stuff. This handbook is therefore for women and their children. It consists of some useful wisdom, and some great reasons why you should all have massive, female, self-appreciation.
Heart Beet
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 12030 words. Published on January 9, 2012. Fiction.
Love? What’s love? Something that makes you feel very good. Heart Beet? A woman finds the ‘perfect love’, or does she? Polystyrene. Is a mother’s love for her family maybe OTT? Or not? Selina? A bit controversial, but which love is the most important? (It’s the one most folk treat as the most unimportant).
Price: $0.99 USD. 12030 words. Published on January 9, 2012. Fiction.
Love? What’s love? Something that makes you feel very good. Heart Beet? A woman finds the ‘perfect love’, or does she? Polystyrene. Is a mother’s love for her family maybe OTT? Or not? Selina? A bit controversial, but which love is the most important? (It’s the one most folk treat as the most unimportant).
The Man with the World's Longest Single Eyebrow Hair
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 7490 words. Published on January 5, 2012. Fiction.
A selection of ditties to make you feel normal! This is a hilarious true account. Sometimes single eyebrow hairs can go mad. The cruel sub-conscious? This is a true story as well. It turns out the sat nav was set for 1676, and was fitted to horse and carts; maps then were very crude. Garra Rufa? You know, the fish that tickle your feet. All that and more.
Price: $0.99 USD. 7490 words. Published on January 5, 2012. Fiction.
A selection of ditties to make you feel normal! This is a hilarious true account. Sometimes single eyebrow hairs can go mad. The cruel sub-conscious? This is a true story as well. It turns out the sat nav was set for 1676, and was fitted to horse and carts; maps then were very crude. Garra Rufa? You know, the fish that tickle your feet. All that and more.
Eggbertina Presents: Roger, the Talking Vibrator
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 6160 words. Published on January 4, 2012. Fiction.
EggROTIC stories from my telepathic friend, Eggbertina, the ostrich love egg. Starts with her dictation from Roger, a talking vibrator, and finishes with Swiss watches, just after God tries to patent sex. There’s a great game too from Orgasmo-Corp (International DSS Jobseekers Newstart, Gateway, Global Multinational Corporation), which ladies might like to play at home?
Price: $0.99 USD. 6160 words. Published on January 4, 2012. Fiction.
EggROTIC stories from my telepathic friend, Eggbertina, the ostrich love egg. Starts with her dictation from Roger, a talking vibrator, and finishes with Swiss watches, just after God tries to patent sex. There’s a great game too from Orgasmo-Corp (International DSS Jobseekers Newstart, Gateway, Global Multinational Corporation), which ladies might like to play at home?
The Hidden History of Robin Hood and his Merrie Men
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 18560 words. Published on January 3, 2012. Fiction.
Blimey. And you thought they robbed the rich and gave it to the poor? Mind you, they didn’t actually get on very well with the sherriff, but still, they had a really good time when they pooled their various talents. Marian? She had a ‘really’ good time. Now has a new fun 'evil' section on witchcraft ...
Price: $0.99 USD. 18560 words. Published on January 3, 2012. Fiction.
Blimey. And you thought they robbed the rich and gave it to the poor? Mind you, they didn’t actually get on very well with the sherriff, but still, they had a really good time when they pooled their various talents. Marian? She had a ‘really’ good time. Now has a new fun 'evil' section on witchcraft ...
Where There's a Will...
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $1.49 USD. 12480 words. Published on December 30, 2011. Fiction.
This is the revised and updated version of A Flower in the Attic. It consists of two horror stories, and two sort of fantasy/mystery stories, both inspired by small events. I hope you enjoy them. Where there’s a will deals with a troublesome mother. Warm your cockles deals with growing cockles, and dangerous animals. A Nice Romantic Man? I hope you enjoy a good love story.
Price: $1.49 USD. 12480 words. Published on December 30, 2011. Fiction.
This is the revised and updated version of A Flower in the Attic. It consists of two horror stories, and two sort of fantasy/mystery stories, both inspired by small events. I hope you enjoy them. Where there’s a will deals with a troublesome mother. Warm your cockles deals with growing cockles, and dangerous animals. A Nice Romantic Man? I hope you enjoy a good love story.
Satan's Advocate
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 6840 words. Published on December 24, 2011. Fiction.
Satan’s not a bad guy, it’s what he feeds on that’s the problem for humans. Humans though are so entrenched with beliefs that have been fed to them (and boy do they believe ‘anything’), that Satan appears to be the ultimate bad guy. What though if Satan is neutral, and just likes eating? What if the food supply is a non phys ...
Price: $0.99 USD. 6840 words. Published on December 24, 2011. Fiction.
Satan’s not a bad guy, it’s what he feeds on that’s the problem for humans. Humans though are so entrenched with beliefs that have been fed to them (and boy do they believe ‘anything’), that Satan appears to be the ultimate bad guy. What though if Satan is neutral, and just likes eating? What if the food supply is a non phys ...
Tits Up
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $1.49 USD. 16430 words. Published on December 20, 2011. Nonfiction.
Quiet self time is liquid gold time, it is so very precious. No quiet time, and noise prevails inside the human, and that’s the invite to madness, and in many cases, the doorway to the world of therapy. It’s not enough for sleep to be the only escape from an increasingly insane world. Silence is golden. Silence is our true nature.
Price: $1.49 USD. 16430 words. Published on December 20, 2011. Nonfiction.
Quiet self time is liquid gold time, it is so very precious. No quiet time, and noise prevails inside the human, and that’s the invite to madness, and in many cases, the doorway to the world of therapy. It’s not enough for sleep to be the only escape from an increasingly insane world. Silence is golden. Silence is our true nature.
A Little Wonky Fun with Frankie. No1 Bartering with Fish
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 6070 words. Published on December 11, 2011. Fiction.
A bit of a laugh to cheer you up, but, if you're already cheered up, it's a bit of a laugh anyway. A pot pourri of stories, quips and a few mad thoughts that were flying around the universe doing nothing much in particular ... until now.
Price: $0.99 USD. 6070 words. Published on December 11, 2011. Fiction.
A bit of a laugh to cheer you up, but, if you're already cheered up, it's a bit of a laugh anyway. A pot pourri of stories, quips and a few mad thoughts that were flying around the universe doing nothing much in particular ... until now.
Of Cooouuurse! Make your Life Sparkle with Further Education
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $1.49 USD. 8160 words. Published on December 4, 2011. Fiction.
Three short ‘Wonky stories all about change, and/or improvement, bordering on the mad; but isn’t mad, wonderful?
Price: $1.49 USD. 8160 words. Published on December 4, 2011. Fiction.
Three short ‘Wonky stories all about change, and/or improvement, bordering on the mad; but isn’t mad, wonderful?
The Hell-Raising Rock and Roll Adventures of Alice Pooper and Iggy Popsicle
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $1.49 USD. 14590 words. Published on December 2, 2011. Fiction.
Can two rag dolls of rock gods Alice Pooper and Iggy Popsicle help save the world? Can the two of them persuade governments to stop the rot? We shall see. Rock On Man! Rather controvertial book! For some folk that is.
Price: $1.49 USD. 14590 words. Published on December 2, 2011. Fiction.
Can two rag dolls of rock gods Alice Pooper and Iggy Popsicle help save the world? Can the two of them persuade governments to stop the rot? We shall see. Rock On Man! Rather controvertial book! For some folk that is.
Mr Splish Splosh and the Silly People
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 3280 words. Published on November 28, 2011. Fiction.
Revenge is designed to make you feel better when you’re angry; it’s one of the rungs on the ladder back to feeling good when you find yourself emotionally somewhere where you don’t want to be. Feeling ‘better’ in a positive fashion is cool, better than being in a negative state, where relief is then necessary for you to get back to positive land.
Price: $0.99 USD. 3280 words. Published on November 28, 2011. Fiction.
Revenge is designed to make you feel better when you’re angry; it’s one of the rungs on the ladder back to feeling good when you find yourself emotionally somewhere where you don’t want to be. Feeling ‘better’ in a positive fashion is cool, better than being in a negative state, where relief is then necessary for you to get back to positive land.
The Cleaning Lady and The Crystal Bell
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 14940 words. Published on November 23, 2011. Fiction.
Most people work hard, which in most cases is an activity they don’t ‘choose’, to get money to do an activity they do choose, such as a holiday, or a Johnny Robinson Concert (Johnny Robinson Rocks!). Work is seen as a necessity, which most people do grudgingly, but they still do it to the best of their abilities if only to avoid a rollocking, or the sack?
Price: $0.99 USD. 14940 words. Published on November 23, 2011. Fiction.
Most people work hard, which in most cases is an activity they don’t ‘choose’, to get money to do an activity they do choose, such as a holiday, or a Johnny Robinson Concert (Johnny Robinson Rocks!). Work is seen as a necessity, which most people do grudgingly, but they still do it to the best of their abilities if only to avoid a rollocking, or the sack?
Can Penguin Soup Help Save the World?
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $1.49 USD. 27400 words. Published on November 16, 2011. Fiction.
Save the world? It’s a worn out idea, and nothing seems to work. Maybe the methods are not effective? There are other ways, the most effective is ‘make the mass of people value what you want to save’. Howzat?
Price: $1.49 USD. 27400 words. Published on November 16, 2011. Fiction.
Save the world? It’s a worn out idea, and nothing seems to work. Maybe the methods are not effective? There are other ways, the most effective is ‘make the mass of people value what you want to save’. Howzat?
The Return of the Pied Piper
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 33500 words. Published on November 6, 2011. Fiction.
I finish work for a few days, and get scared because I then didn’t have anyone to think for me. I go up North, but break down on the motorway. I am going to have to pay for a tow or a repair, but my credit card overhears and doesn’t like what it overhears. Why am I going anyway? My mother just spends a couple of days nagging me. Join me on my strange adventure.
Price: $0.99 USD. 33500 words. Published on November 6, 2011. Fiction.
I finish work for a few days, and get scared because I then didn’t have anyone to think for me. I go up North, but break down on the motorway. I am going to have to pay for a tow or a repair, but my credit card overhears and doesn’t like what it overhears. Why am I going anyway? My mother just spends a couple of days nagging me. Join me on my strange adventure.
One Year in Tibet
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $1.99 USD. 29930 words. Published on October 26, 2011. Fiction.
Fifteen minutes a day training the mind to work at optimum level? I fancy a bit of that. I thought, 'who are the Masters' at this? The Tibetan monks of course. I thought, I'll go there and do the job properly. Peace for twelve whole months! Just me, in a cave, no hassle! Perfect!
Price: $1.99 USD. 29930 words. Published on October 26, 2011. Fiction.
Fifteen minutes a day training the mind to work at optimum level? I fancy a bit of that. I thought, 'who are the Masters' at this? The Tibetan monks of course. I thought, I'll go there and do the job properly. Peace for twelve whole months! Just me, in a cave, no hassle! Perfect!
Oh, I do like to be beside the sea-side
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $1.49 USD. 9180 words. Published on October 4, 2011. Fiction.
A lot of people think that people in mental health asylums are there because they have gone mad for some reason, and are therefore locked up to keep them out of so called ‘normal society'. That isn’t quite right; they are there because normal society has driven them mad, and they are actually just downsizing.
Price: $1.49 USD. 9180 words. Published on October 4, 2011. Fiction.
A lot of people think that people in mental health asylums are there because they have gone mad for some reason, and are therefore locked up to keep them out of so called ‘normal society'. That isn’t quite right; they are there because normal society has driven them mad, and they are actually just downsizing.
Another Beautifully Krazee Kristmas
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 6140 words. Published on September 25, 2011. Fiction.
Christmas Some banter from the other side of the fence, and also from the side you prefer. Everyone is entitled to celebrate the ‘love’ of Christmas, but, it is little to do with love, and there again, it is. Love is the most natural thing, but it’s trained out of us. Goodwill is trained into us as a ‘season’ (personally, I can’t get my head around that one.)
Price: $0.99 USD. 6140 words. Published on September 25, 2011. Fiction.
Christmas Some banter from the other side of the fence, and also from the side you prefer. Everyone is entitled to celebrate the ‘love’ of Christmas, but, it is little to do with love, and there again, it is. Love is the most natural thing, but it’s trained out of us. Goodwill is trained into us as a ‘season’ (personally, I can’t get my head around that one.)
The Penis Monologues
by Frankie Lassut
Price: $0.99 USD. 6560 words. Published on September 22, 2011. Fiction.
The Vagina Monologues have been around now for a long time, so, it's time the lads had a shot. It's very difficult being a man, to gather research from men, for this topic i.e. "Hello mate, what does Your 'thingy' smell like?" It will be interesting to see what kind of an audience this gets.
Price: $0.99 USD. 6560 words. Published on September 22, 2011. Fiction.
The Vagina Monologues have been around now for a long time, so, it's time the lads had a shot. It's very difficult being a man, to gather research from men, for this topic i.e. "Hello mate, what does Your 'thingy' smell like?" It will be interesting to see what kind of an audience this gets.
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