Ian Martin

Biography

At the age of 50 Ian Martin gave up his regular job and moved to a remote coastal village near the southern tip of Africa. Drawing on his experiences as an insurance clerk, naval store man, lavatory attendant, assistant farm foreman,temporary school teacher, hospital orderly, weather station medic and house builder, he began the next phase of his life. Now, after more than a decade, he has produced three novels, a fictionalized autobiography and many short articles and stories, and he is still writing. When asked how he has been able to survive for so long without having written a bestseller, he says he is entirely dependent on his wife, who goes out to work. Otherwise he would have died from starvation.

Where to find Ian Martin online


Where to buy in print


Books

Why I Haven't Killed Myself, Yet
By
You set the price! Words: 4,570. Language: English. Published: May 21, 2014. Category: Essay » Author profile
At 63, Ian Martin takes a critical look at himself and his achievements. He is unimpressed. Next, he turns his gaze on his fellow human beings and feels no sense of pride at being a member of the species. As an atheist he can't find a reason for his existence. Why doesn’t he throw in the towel and commit suicide? He offers an honest idiot’s reply to the question at the end of this essay.
Sell Me a Gun
By
Price: Free! Words: 6,030. Language: English. Published: May 13, 2014. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Black comedy
A young man walks into a gun store, curious to learn how easy or difficult it is to buy a firearm. The experience turns out to be very different to what he was expecting. Set in apartheid South Africa in the 1970s, this darkly humorous short story will entertain both the gun enthusiast and the anti-gun lobbyist alike.
Shark Alley Shootout
By
Price: Free! Words: 47,540. Language: English. Published: March 18, 2014. Category: Fiction » Adventure » Action
When civil servant Sedrick Williams arrives in sleepy Gansbaai he expects his two-week assignment investigating abalone poachers’ tax records to be like a vacation from his boring job in Cape Town. But he soon learns that abalone poaching is not the only criminal activity that needs investigating, and that the great white sharks are not the only predators lurking beneath the surface.
The Farmer from Paypalia
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 1,760. Language: English. Published: March 15, 2012. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
The filthy farmer from Paypalia is rudely interrupted by a visit from the morality police... This story was written in response to the aborted attempt by PayPal to censor the work of writers of erotica.
Henry Fuckit's First Expedition
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 30,900. Language: English. Published: January 19, 2012. Category: Fiction » Literature » Biographical
Henry embarks on his first expedition, to Namibia, in search of Oxyaston. There he find inept doctors, Swapo sympathisers, a black cook named Angus, drunk policemen and a beautiful women behind a keyhole.
Gotcha!
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 3,470. Language: English. Published: July 5, 2011. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
(3.00 from 5 reviews)
It’s another suffocating day in hell and Lady isn’t wearing much. When she surprises a peeping Tom at her bedroom window she is consumed with furious indignation. The unfortunate gardener is subjected to a lesson so sadistic and humiliating that he will wish his testicles had never descended, let alone instruct him to play the voyeur. It’s rough justice for this dirty little pig.
Henry Fuckit Kills Time
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 25,940. Language: English. Published: April 19, 2011. Category: Nonfiction » Biography » Autobiographies & Memoirs
When Henry blunders into the job of storeman in the Simonstown naval dockyard, he has no intention of doing any work. But he finds no one expects him to lift a finger. To alleviate the boredom of a futile existence Henry and his indolent colleagues while away the hours by drinking Vrotters, engaging in pseudophilosophical discussion and quasi scientific research using misappropriated naval stores.
Henry Fuckit Goes South
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 35,750. Language: English. Published: March 16, 2011. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
(5.00 from 1 review)
Young Henry Fuckit has moved to Cape Town after leaving the private lunatic asylum where he grew up. He soon discovers he has entered a world as crazy as the madhouse he just left. In part two of The Life Of Henry Fuckit, Ian Martin continues the ridiculous saga that describes his alter ego’s journey from the cradle to the grave. This is pseudo-philosophical comedy at its very best.
Henry Fuckit Leaves the Womb
By
Price: Free! Words: 11,530. Language: English. Published: January 18, 2011. Category: Fiction » Literature » Literary
(5.00 from 1 review)
Raised by three of the brightest minds of the century (only a little deranged), Henry O'Riley grows up at a private lunatic asylum in the African bush. Deciding that life is merely a pastime and not worthy of serious commitment, Henry decides to become a dabbler, and changes his surname to Fuckit. Henry Leaves the Womb deals with Henry's first 18 years, and is part one of The Life of Henry Fuckit.
Kikaffir - a Black Comedy
By
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 59,810. Language: English. Published: December 23, 2010. Category: Fiction » Horror » General
(4.44 from 9 reviews)
The human race is all but extinct, having dwindled to a few bands of warring desperadoes. On his way back from a foraging trip to the abandoned city of Joburg, Mike Mbethi encounters a hermit living in a cave. The old visionary is persuaded to look into the future, and he reveals that Mike is soon to become leader of the Kikaffir crew. Unimpressed, Mike dismisses the hermit as an old fraud. But..
Henry's Nursing Notes
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 18,290. Language: English. Published: May 16, 2010. Category: Nonfiction » Biography » Autobiographies & Memoirs
(5.00 from 1 review)
Ian Martin spent three years as a hospital orderly and kept a ward diary chronicling the sights, sounds and smells that assailed him. Based on this record, "Henry Fuckit's Nursing Notes" is an unflinching account of nursing the sick and dying. Looking through the eyes of his disreputable hero, Martin uses a brutal blend of cynicism and dark humour to describe a world of suffering and pathos.
POP-splat
By
Price: $2.99 USD. Words: 48,370. Language: English. Published: April 24, 2010. Category: Fiction » Thriller & suspense » General
(4.25 from 4 reviews)
A prominent businessman is murdered in an apparent hijacking. For Matt Dreyer the death of his father seems like murder most foul. This disturbed Hamlet of the 21st century sets off on a tortuous and bloody hell ride to track down his father’s killers. Ian Martin's POP-Splat looks at today’s South Africa through cynical eyes and uses his unique brand of sick humor to satirize a sick society.

Ian Martin’s tag cloud

abalone    absurd    action    action thriller    africa    ak47    apartheid    apocalypse    armscor    assault rifles    autobiography    aw whitehead    bestiality    biography    black comedy    boarding house    boredom    camus    cannibalism    cape town    colt    colt special    comedy    coprophilia    corpse    corruption    crime    crime thriller    cruelty    death    despair    diary    disease    dockyard    doctor    drama    dystopian    einstein    erotica    existential    existential angst    existentialism    explicit sex    femdom    fiction    firearms    first fuck    florence nightingale    gansbaai    great white shark    guns    henry bergson    henry fuckit    hippocratic oath    hospital    humour    ian martin    illness    incest    inspirational    journal    latin tag    literature    magnum    medical    murder    namibia    necrophilia    niebelungenlied    nurse    nursing    patient    philosophical    philosophy    poaching    pornography    porter    postapocalyptic    proust    psycho    psychopath    racism    rape    rifles    sadism    satire    sea    sex    shark cage diving    shark diving    sharks    short story    sick humor    sick humour    sickness    smith wesson    snuff    social satire    south africa    suicide    transgressive    transgressive fiction    university    university student    uzi    violence    violent    vrotters    weapons    whales   

Ian Martin's favorite authors on Smashwords


Smashwords book reviews by Ian Martin

  • Followers of the Dead Man on Sep. 07, 2011

    “Still, if one walks two steps forward, then two steps back, the more tiring of the two is the reverse.” This is just one of a multitude of Haritharan-amoks. G Haritharan runs amok with the English language, and it’s incredibly entertaining. Even though the subject matter seems ridiculous to the point of total rubbish, it’s so fresh, funny and inventive you can’t stop reading. This guy’s got STYLE!