Robert Jeschonek is an award-winning writer whose fiction, essays, articles, comic books, and podcasts have been published around the world. According to fantasy and science fiction luminary Mike Resnick, Robert "sees the world like no one else sees it, and makes incredibly witty, incisive stories out of that skewed worldview."
Robert's young adult urban fantasy novel, MY FAVORITE BAND DOES NOT EXIST, is due in 2011 from Clarion Books, a division of Houghton Mifflin Harcourt. A collection of his fantasy and science fiction stories, MAD SCIENTIST MEETS CANNIBAL, is available from PS Publishing in England. Robert has written for POSTSCRIPTS, ESCAPE POD, DRABBLECAST, SPACE AND TIME, PODCASTLE, DAW Books anthologies, and many other publications.
His credits include STAR TREK fiction published by Pocket Books. His work appeared in three volumes of STAR TREK: STRANGE NEW WORLDS, winning the grand prize in Volume VI. He was also nominated for the British Fantasy Award for his story, "Fear of Rain." His story "One Awake In All the World" was called out in a Publishers Weekly starred review of the anthology DESTINATION FUTURE in 2010.
His comic book work has appeared in JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA 80-PAGE GIANT 2010 #1 from DC Comics. He has also scripted stories for various indie comics, including WAR from Saddle Tramp Press and DEAD BY DAWN QUARTERLY and COMMERCIAL SUICIDE in the UK.
Jeschonek is based in Johnstown, Pennsylvania. His website, www.robertjeschonek.com, features fresh daily updates on the world of writing and other alternate realities.
Where to find Robert Jeschonek online
Where to buy in print
Kiss of the Acolyte
In a world where the art of seduction means everything, Tiki Jordan faces the ultimate test. As an acolyte in the Rites of Dawn, she must fulfill the desires of the man who holds the key to her future. But when strange visions of a mysterious woman threaten Tiki's quest, she unlocks the true meaning of passion and pain. Intended for mature audiences.
You have never met a serial killer like the Miraclemaker. The streets run red with the blood of his victims. He comes and goes like a ghost in the night. Only one man knows he exists, one man who is losing everyone he ever cared about, one by one, to the hands of the killer. But does he stand a chance against a murderer who has a connection to terrifyingly dark and powerful supernatural forces?
Death by Polka
Who killed Polish Lou, the Prince of Polka Music? His daughter, musicologist Lottie Kachowski, comes home to the polka heartland of New Krakow, Pennsylvania, to find the answer. She has a talent for using music to solve crimes, and she does just that on the trail of her father's killer. At the same time, she fights to keep from getting dragged back into the polka scene she left behind long ago.
Can hot space sex save planet Earth? With the world about to end, a desperate team of humans mounts a last-ditch effort to find alien help at the interplanetary Worlds' Fair. The crew offers up everything Earth has left, only to be rejected again and again. But the aliens have a craving for an unexpected treasure: human sex. The humans will do anything to save their world...or will they?
The Shrooms of Benares
Benares: planet of fungi on the far frontier. Mushrooms grow taller than trees, fungal creatures roam the landscape...and a terrible new spore turns humans into the walking dead. The only man left alive, a genetically modified super space priest named Father Obregon, sets out to confront this threat and save the woman he loves. But the deadly fungal spore has other plans in store for them both.
Joe the small-town pot dealer is down on his luck. Broke, evicted, and framed for a rip-off he didn't commit, he loses everything, from his precious stash to his jerk of a best friend. It's time to turn over a new leaf or get smoked. But can Joe clean up his act without falling back into his old habits? Can he replace getting high with getting a higher purpose in life?
Six Crime Stories Volume One
Witness 6 twisted crime stories for one low price. Meet Johnny Murder, the baddest guy ever to rise from the dead...Jean-Claude, a killer waiter...Buddy, home invader with a vengeance...Sister Mayhem, nun turned crimefighter...Mr. Mayflower, who trades a cancer cure for dirty deeds...and Eve, the first detective in history, on the trail of her son's killer.
The Other Waiter
Jean-Claude the waiter doesn't like it when a new guy horns in on his territory. Even when the new guy's a private waiter working for the meanest mob boss in town, Mr. Donzatto. Jean-Claude will stop at nothing to put the new guy in his place, from tripping him up to breaking him down with a series of violent "accidents." But playing hardball with a mob waiter can be very risky business...
The Foolproof Cure for Cancer
Tom's wife, Sydney, has terminal cancer. Mr. Mayflower, the Billionaire Samaritan, has a miracle cure...for a price. To save Sydney, Tom must cross a line he thought he'd never cross and commit a crime that goes against his deepest convictions. He does it all for Sydney, but Mayflower's deal has dark and terrible strings attached.
Who Unkilled Johnny Murder?
Johnny Murder, a dead man, shows up on the streets of New Orleans, terrorizing the eccentric members of the French Quarter Open Air Artists and Psychics 'Sociation. Has Johnny come back to life as a zombie? Po'Boy Boudreaux, sax-playing ex-constable of the 'Sociation, won't stop until he finds out.
Crimes in the Key of Murder
Nobody cares who killed a down-on-his-luck piano player...except his brother, who happens to work for the crimefighting detective Sister Mayhem. Tearing up the underworld with her network of operatives--the Order of No Mercy--Sister Mayhem pulls out all the stops to solve the case and catch the killer, unless she becomes the next victim first. Don't miss this thrill-a-minute pulp crime saga.
6 More Fantasy Stories
Don't miss these edgy, exciting, and surprising fantasy tales by Doctor Who author and British Fantasy Award nominee Robert T. Jeschonek. It’s the latest collection from this award-winning storyteller, a master of unique and unexpected fantasy that really packs a punch. This volume includes six fantasy e-book stories and novelettes for one low price.
Girl Meets Mind Reader
Virgil the mind reader discovers that he can see the world through Bridget's eyes, and the world she shows him is full of things that shouldn't be there: mermaids, elfin knights, and bloodthirsty monsters. Now that Virgil sees them, too, will he save Bridget or be destroyed in the process? If the world is as strange and terrifying as it looks through her eyes, does their love stand a chance?
The Sword That Spoke
Once upon a time, the sword Tizona helps the warrior knight El Cid cut a swath through the Moors invading Spain. But El Cid doesn't know the sword's secret: it has a mind of its own and talks only to his beautiful wife, Jimena. Together, Tizona and Jimena help El Cid wage his battles, then must fight a war of their own to free him from a demon of war who takes possession of his body and soul.
Six Scifi Stories Volume Two
Don't miss these edgy, exciting, and surprising science fiction tales by Star Trek and Doctor Who author Robert T. Jeschonek. It’s the latest collection from this award-winning storyteller, a master of unique and unexpected science fiction that really packs a punch. This volume includes six scifi e-book stories and novelettes for one low price.
Something Borrowed, Something Doomed
The Best Virginia wildshiners make bioengineering seem like magic, whipping up incredible hybrid creatures and exotic environments straight out of a fairy tale. But the prank-loving genebillies take it too far when they start out wrecking a wedding and end up triggering the apocalypse—unless the bride, Vicky Dozen, can use her wildshiner skills to weave together what the nuts have torn asunder.
Seven Comic Book Scripts Volume One
Comic book and super-hero fans, rejoice! This volume includes seven scripts—mostly super-hero tales, plus one war/horror story—from a writer whose work has been published by DC Comics, among others. Robert T. Jeschonek has written plenty of scripts in his career, and these seven shine a light on his writing process, his wild imagination, and some thrilling and thought-provoking adventures.
Pray you never see Walter Haskell’s headlights in your rear-view mirror. This road-raging vigilante roars up and down the highway, gunning for reckless drivers with his fast and furious moves. But one night, the highway strikes back. It's the ultimate case of road rage as the haunted pavement turns against Walter, racing him through a nightmare journey where the final exit is Hell itself.
Somewhere in the world, a genius builds a machine to get closer to God. Somewhere in time, another man builds a cathedral with a mind of its own. Somewhere on the road, three searchers race a killer to find the man with the key to salvation. Everything changes on Day 9, when a God’s-eye view of the world collides with the visions of a living cathedral in a war between yesterday and tomorrow.
Off The Face Of The Earth
Can a crackhead save his missing son from a twisted abductor? The outlook seems grim until a visitor from the future lends a hand. Armed with gadgets from beyond tomorrow, Mike the future man might just win the race against time to save the child. But even if father and son reunite, little Sean has a destiny that could take him away forever. To save the world, must he make the ultimate sacrifice?
The Return of Alice
Grown-up Alice has had a lousy life since she left Wonderland. But when she finally manages to leap back through the mirror, she gets one shock after another. Something has warped the magical realm, sending her reeling from one close shave to the next. And when she gets her day in the Queen of Hearts' court, the verdict could be even more awful than "Off with her head!"
Give The Hippo What He Wants
In the baseball league of the future, losing the World Series will get you the death penalty. Nobody cares if Thal Simoleon choked because of an opera-singing pink hippo that only he can see. Will the hippo's terrible secret lead to Thal's salvation? Or will he die in extra innings of the bloodiest high-tech basebrawl of all time? Only the hippo knows.
One Awake In All The World
Exterminators Pass Candle and Nona Stiletto keep space safe for humanity by mowing down hostile alien lifeforms. When a distress call lands them in the battle of a lifetime on a postapocalyptic planet, they must fight a war for survival against hordes of savage creatures. Their only hope: a solitary alien child who might be the only key to a terrible secret that could end the carnage.
Tommy Puke and the Boy with the Golden Barf
Who's the grossest kid in the world? Tommy Puke, that's who! He fights off bullies with his mighty loogies, gags jerks with his powerful farts, and saves his pet skunk by driving off wild dogs with his blistering bad breath. What happens when he takes his new friend, Josh, on a quest to find the fabled prince of vomit? One thing is for sure: the puke, boogers, loogies, poop, and goop will fly!
Teacher of the Century
Welcome to the school of tomorrow, a futuristic nightmare of high-tech savagery. Weaponized parental A.I. drones terrorize teachers. Tribes of genetically and cybernetically enhanced students rule the classroom. One teacher stands alone against the insanity, but her old-school ways might be the death of her. Will she discover too late that Armageddon is on the final exam?
Heroes of Global Warming
In an age of global warming, super-heated hero Skillet looks like a lukewarm loser. But when his teammates, the Castigators, turn their backs on him, he turns them into prey. Skillet becomes public enemy number one as he rounds up his former allies. But if Skillet can survive an out-for-blood super hit squad, the secret plan behind his hunt might just save the world by reversing global warming.
Diary of a Maggot
A murder victim makes a tasty feast for a swarm of maggots. But when the maggots become the murderer's next targets, their banquet turns into a killing field. Can a single courageous worm inspire the rest to fight back? A twisted trick could bring down the monster and serve up the meat for a new feast. And the worms' moment of glory might bring the fulfillment of their deepest, wildest secret.
A Matter of Size
Who is killing the world's smallest super-heroes? Down-on-his-luck masked avenger Man-Child takes the case, but can he save the remaining Small Wonders from a killer with a twisted crush fetish? Man-Child confronts the horrors of yesterday and today, learning a brutal lesson the hard way: even a size-changing super-hero can't afford to shrink from the darkness in the depths of his own heart.
A mistake by space linguist Jalila could cost an alien species their lives. The crew of the starship Ibn Battuta has 24 hours to prepare planet Vox to face an invasion fleet. But when Jalila mistakenly uses a forbidden slur, the locals attack their supposed saviors. As revolution and invasion collide, only Jalila can save her shipmates and the aliens by revealing the secret behind the killer slur.
Award-winning author Robert T. Jeschonek knows his Star Trek. Now he invites you to explore the vast realm of published and unpublished Trek. Can you guess which pitches or proposals deserved a FAIL? Which ones scored an UNFAIL? You be the judge in this book that's also a game. Compare your verdict to history's outcome as you voyage through one man's personal Trek universe.
Lump, A Christmas Tale
Meet a kid so bad, he gets a lump of coal every Christmas...and likes it! Neighborhood bully Buzz Scanlan takes pride in his annual lump, but when the coal stops coming, the ten-year-old holy terror confronts the victims of his mischief, digging for dirt on the one nice thing he must have done. The shocking secret behind his lumps of coal might just change his life forever.
Join award-winning Star Trek writer Robert T. Jeschonek on a journey through time and space in a search for the secrets of the Trek universe. This volume includes four star-spanning essays: "Lower Decks," "Past Tense," "Final Authority," and "To Boldly Go Where No Comic Book Has Gone Before: 10 Star Trek Comic Book Lost Treasures." These essays are collected here for the first time.
The Masked Family
Meet Cary Beacon, a super-hero in his own mind. Cary's mission to rescue his kidnapped step-kids leads him to Mexico, where he teams up with El Yucatango, a gonzo masked wrestler on a mission of vengeance. As Cary and El Yucatango fight the battle of their lives to save the kids, Cary's disappearance forces together his fractured family back home, torn apart by a fiery tragedy years ago.
6 Short Stories
6 stories for one low price: "Wave a White Flag": An old man throws everything out the window. "Day of the Mad Shitter": Hunting a workplace slob. "How to Get Lucky": A narcoleptic's nightmares. "A Wall of Lisas": A lonely woman goes mad. "The Day After They Rounded Up Everyone Who Could Love Unconditionally": A society sheds its weakest links. "The Walking Bomb": A minister becomes a human bomb.
Six Scifi Stories Volume One
Six amazing stories: "The Greatest Serial Killer in the Universe": Serial killer trains aliens. "The Love Quest of Smidgen the Snack Cake": Hellish pastry in love. "Playing Doctor": Lab assistant loves mad scientist. "Serial Killer vs. E-Merica": Murder in a virtual reality Congress. "My Cannibal Lover": Bounty hunter falls for an edible man. "Zinzizinzizinzic": Aliens invade our shadows.
Six Fantasy Stories Volume One
Welcome to six amazing stories: "Forced Retirement": Alzheimer's strikes the World's Mightiest Hero. "Blazing Bodices": Adventurer Sir Hogshead takes down badass steampunks. "Mr. Flood": A wizard drowns Johnstown, PA. "The Genie's Secret": A genie fights to escape a brutal master. "Rose Head": A rose-headed cop takes on a serial killer. "The Duck Lover": Can a duck save a broken-hearted man?
Jazz star Bobby Ball sees the future when he plays his sax. The music of his dying idol, Omar Wild, throws open the door to tomorrow, but Bobby doesn't like what he sees. A faded torch singer will die unless Bobby plays an impossible song, one that reveals the secrets of a terrible crime. One that will force him to go solo in a race against time and the fight of his life.
Sexy private eye Gaia Charmer brings new meaning to the words "Earth Angel." This mysterious bombshell has the power of the Earth itself at her fingertips, but the murder of her best friend knocks her world off its axis. Out for blood on the killer’s trail, Gaia must overcome Landkind--ancient beings with the hearts and minds of landforms--to reclaim the key to her earthshaking true identity.
Terpsichore the muse has a thing for musicians. Her passion breathes life into the careers of stars from the Pied Piper of Hamelin to a modern-day guitar hero. But when the latest in her long line of superstar finds flames out, Terpsichore must tap her own inner wild child for inspiration. Can she rock the spotlight on her own? Will the everlasting groupie step up to become America's next idol?
Jonah Ivory has a family tree crawling with vampires. Guided by the sexy paranormal genealogist Stanza, he must dig up his family's twisted roots to crack an ancient conspiracy and beat the forces of darkness to a lost paradise. Even with a vampiric Shakespeare and King Arthur as allies, can they defeat the evil vampire lords? Only forbidden love holds the power to keep the darkness at bay.
How can a teenage girl who’s afraid of the water become queen of a kingdom above and beneath the sea? Raised on savage Shark Island, Cryssa Seachild escapes to her true home, a tropical Camelot protected by talking dolphin knights in shining armor. A dolphin knight named Seek helps Cryssa overcome her fear of the water and forge a new destiny as queen of land and sea.
Seven stars of a science fiction universe warp through twisted changes on the final frontier. Driven by forces they can't understand, the magnificent Seven charge through bizarre transformations and battles beyond imagining. With no memories of the past, how can the Seven recall their true identities? Only a mischievous, all-powerful being from beyond the stars seems to hold the answers.
Hardcore adventurer Sir Algernon Hogshead takes down badass steampunks in Victorian London. But the case of a lifetime might just ruin his winning streak and his life. When his wife starts keeping mysterious secrets and bad company, Sir Hogshead craves a peek behind the velvet curtain. But he can't possibly break through the world of women...or can he?
The Genie's Secret
A sexy genie held captive by a brutal master has no choice: she must obey his twisted wishes at all costs. When a federal agent with a flair for the supernatural comes to the rescue, the genie must obey her master's orders to capture and torture him. But the agent knows the genie's deepest secret, a magic spell that will change everything for genie, master, and rescuer alike.
Dick By Law
What if you could have someone legally declared a dick? Simon Bellerophon does just that, in the craziest court case ever. But that's just the beginning of this in-your-face comedy! If you love FAMILY GUY and SOUTH PARK, you'll love DICK BY LAW. MONTY PYTHON'S Neil Innes says, "DICK BY LAW is fun. What's in a name? Ah, there's the rub..."
Serial Killer vs. E-Merica
Virtual reality e-representatives form a more perfect union in a future America of a hundred states. Until someone reaches into the computerized Congress and murders them one by one. Can Nevada, the e-rep sergeant-at-arms with a shadowy past, make America's high tech tomorrow safe for e-democracy? Or will a terrible secret pull the trigger on a nation's hopes and dreams?
Can a gnarly lab assistant find love with his smoking hot mad scientist boss? Faithful lab lackey Glugor lusts after sexy Dr. Medici, but Dr. M only cares about taking over the world. Poor Glugor takes the heat when her doomsday schemes blow up in his face...but can even the power of his secret passion stand between Dr. M and the deadliest doom of all?
What if Alzheimer's disease struck the World's Mightiest Hero? Gripped by dementia, godlike Epitome tears apart a city. Will his madness destroy the entire world? Not if his heroic daughter, Hericane, can recruit the one big gun who stands a chance in Hell of stopping him. But the battle of the century between the super-charged titans might just kick-start the Apocalypse instead of stopping it.
The Love Quest of Smidgen the Snack Cake
Beware the snack cake from Hell! Junk food genius Smidgen meets the woman of his dreams at a twisted supermarket of tomorrow. If only his sweet talk could get his lady-love to break her diet and eat him up. She refuses to go all the way, but this devilish pastry won't take no for an answer. He'll stop at nothing to become her dessert. Even if it means death will be the frosting on her cake.
The First Detect-Eve
Eve, the first woman in the world, wants one thing. To find who killed her son, Abel, and make them pay. Down on her luck since Eden, Eve combs a shadowy wasteland on the trail of a killer. When Eve becomes the first detective in history, she might end up dead before she can solve the first murder mystery of all time. And snakeskin might be the last thing that flashes before her eyes...
My Cannibal Lover
Lupe and her hired guns track a shapeshifting killer on a planet of pure Hell. Their only food in the wasteland: Manny, a human foodstuff. When the fugitive killer devours her men, Lupe teams with Manny for a hunt through an ever-changing wildnerness. In the heat of a race for their lives, Lupe finds herself falling in love with Manny. But what happens when Lupe must eat the edible man to survive?
In a world where everyone has a flower for a head, who can stop the serial killer called the Pruner? Enter Inspector Glisten, a hard-boiled, rose-headed cop who'll stop at nothing to cut down the Pruner. But when the trail leads to a seedy garden of horrors he never imagined, Glisten fights for his life against an explosion of deadly flower power that could uproot his world in a harvest of death.
Fear of Rain
The sorcerous Mr. Flood has drowned Johnstown, Pennsylvania three times. The fourth time will be the charm, and the city will vanish beneath the waves forever...unless his flood-making apprentice, Dee, has anything to say about it. Dee uses her own powers against her wicked mentor, setting off a cataclysmic battle of magic rainmakers in the heart of a raging storm to end all storms.
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