Gabriel Archer

Biography

Captain Gabriel Archer, IX, Ph. D., Esq. is a world-class lothario. There is a high probability that he slept with your wife or - if you are a beautiful woman - you. Mr. Archer is an expert marksman and can shoot an a amoeba off a fly's head. He practices law in NYC for fun. He is the first sword of the Empire. He endorses self-reliance over political candidates. His hobbies include your wife (or, quite possibly, you, Mrs. Dear Reader); writing realistic magicalism, a genre he single-handedly invented with co-author and sidekick, Jack Canaan; creating fictitious and utterly true autobiographies; and breathlessly staring at the mirror.  He has an advance doctorate in armchair philosophy and has spent years learning to make armchairs from Buddhist monks high in Himalayan mountains. He looks striking in a tuxedo.  Although warned many times not to,  he went there. He also discovered Martha's Vineyard in 1602. 

Sir Jack Canaan ibn Hatzel, Sr., M. D. is a world-class lotahrio.  There is a high probability that he slept with one of the women you know, or - if you are that woman  - you. He is so pleasant that imaginary friends invented him for company. Dr. Canaan has worked for every single intelligence agency in the world, often double- and triple-crossing himself to the point that he remained loyal. He is a veteran of the First Angelic War and the Second Lebanese War. His hobbies include pleasing dear readers; writing realistic magicalism, a genre he single-handedly invented with co-author and sidekick, Gabriel Archer;  ripping wings off angels; and unmasking hypocrisies. Ancient Canaan is named after him.  He once had a date with destiny, but stood her up in favor of ménage à trois with fate and karma. He does everything better naked.

Where to find Gabriel Archer online


Books

Unforgiven
By
Price: Free! Words: 5,970. Language: English. Published: November 18, 2012. Category: Fiction » Horror » General
A tale about redemption, forgiveness, unforgivness, the Guinness Book of World Records, the Bible, God, and sex.
Defeated Victory
By
Price: Free! Words: 6,100. Language: English. Published: November 13, 2012. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Short stories
How does a poor prince form a misbegotten kingdom get the Goddess of Victory to fall in love with him?
Divine Diagnosis
By
Price: Free! Words: 6,920. Language: English. Published: October 28, 2012. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
(4.00 from 1 review)
What if God had a psychiatrist? What would their sessions uncover? Megalomania? An inferiority complex? Voyeurism?
Angelica
By
Price: Free! Words: 5,500. Language: English. Published: October 15, 2012. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Paranormal
(4.50 from 2 reviews)
This is probably a short story you should skip, you'll sleep better... trust us.
Ellipses...
By
Price: Free! Words: 6,220. Language: English. Published: October 15, 2012. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
(3.00 from 2 reviews)
Lube up, dear reader, because this is the story that happens when the Muse starts talking dirty to you. This is a ten minute fellatio for your mind - sloppy and in your face. This is…
Angels Don't Cry
By
Price: Free! Words: 7,140. Language: English. Published: October 15, 2012. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Contemporary
(5.00 from 1 review)
This is a metafictional preview of a metaphorical tale of a metrosexual angel trying to stop a metaphysical apocalypse.
If
By
Price: Free! Words: 6,470. Language: English. Published: October 15, 2012. Category: Fiction » Humor & comedy » Satire
(5.00 from 3 reviews)
What if there was a microchip that could be implanted in your child's head which would generate an imaginary friend for them? What if the friends stayed after the chip was removed? What if you stopped denying that you're intrigued and download the story already?
The After-Hero
By
Price: Free! Words: 6,140. Language: English. Published: October 15, 2012. Category: Fiction » Science fiction » General
The After-Hero, the guy that's always in the heroes' shadow, twisted by existential woes and sexual perversions, wishing to be a protagonist himself... alas no one writes about him.
Ashes of Heroes
By
You set the price! Words: 107,750. Language: English. Published: October 14, 2012. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Epic
Everything was in place: a thousand years war waiting for a champion; a great evil was stirring in the Ash Lands; a wise priest kept an ancient prophecy; there was a reluctant hero fated to fall in love with the beautiful maiden. Then the hero readily slaughtered an innocent village and it all went to hell…

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