on March 07, 2011
My impression based on the Desciption was that this was a story involving the FBI and perhaps some intrigue...it is not. On Kindle many of the words of are nearly illegible due to the lack of contrast. In color the pictures are very nice but I was sometimes unable to establish relevancy between the poetry and the images. The poetry would benefit from proofing with the goal of reducing some of the redundancy and selecting more appropriate words...tiring read with some nice words.
My compliments on an exquisite bit of writing. A wonderful description of an interesting event..."made more interesting in the telling". The pacing and excellent choice of words made this come to life which, by my perception, is essential to good work. You were right not to leave this scenario to fade into the dark...Bravo!
I read The Tent first, which set the bar fairly high in my mind. Timeline is an excellent premise but the story is compromised due to the over use of "Candidate". Replacing that proper noun in places with the appropriate pronoun and using compound sentences as a way to reduce the repetition will make for a better read. Telling the story from an inquiring perspective is a really neat touch that just needs a little "tweaking".