R.D. Winfrey

Biography

About the Awfur:

R.D. Winfrey was born on the roof of a salami factory somewhere near Louisville, Kentucky. The last time we checked, that area was a part of the United States, although we don’t know for how much longer.

The circumstances leading to his birth are still shrouded in mystery and cheap vodka, but many believe it had something to do with a nearby livestock auction house. In any case, the young tike was dutifully raised by a flock of Canadian geese, who taught the little pug-nosed punk how to fly long distances and crap on people’s windshields. He was a quick learner and was found to have the intestinal fortitude needed for high-altitude bombing raids on such prized targets as rush-hour traffic jams and shopping mall parking lots.

Unfortunately, a mid-air collision with a cross-eyed duck ended his flying career.

He spent his remaining teenage years as a string-puppet in a traveling Creationist lecture series, where he played a brontosaurus that had converted to Mormonism while on Noah’s Ark. After a large tour of the southern states, he gave up being a puppet in order to study law, which he thought could best be accomplished by breaking into the U.S. Supreme Court building and stealing every book in the place. He almost succeeded in his plan, but was apprehended when he accidentally set-off his dump truck’s alarm system.

After his three years of imprisonment in Guantanamo Bay, and feeling exceptionally soggy, he decided to get a job as writer for the prestigious entertainment-news magazine: “Pornography Today”, where he basically wrote the same movie review over and over again. He later enrolled in a charter school for misguided badgers, eventually earning a Doctorate in Advanced Growling.

After a long sojourn to Tibet, Kashmir, and East St. Louis, he ultimately settled down and married outside the family.

Currently, he spends most of his days writing grocery lists and fictious bus schedules. Occasionally, he writes a book or a short story, but only if prodded with a stick or a large bowl of warm mildew.

He is the writer of “The Porridge King.”

If enough people buy it, his wife has promised to let him out of the shed.

Where to find R.D. Winfrey online

Twitter: rdwinfrey

Books

The Porridge King: Book Two
By
Price: $0.99 USD. Words: 170,440. Language: English. Published: November 24, 2010. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » Epic
The hysterical adventure continues in the strange land known as the Mea Culpa Valley. Magic, mystery, mayhem and intrigue abound as a powerful warlord’s plot to take over the entire region is slowly uncovered, also revealing the ancient secrets of a powerful stone that may or may not actually be a piece of petrified dragon excrement. Full of laughs, adventure, intrigue, romance and hedgehogs!
The Porridge King
By
You set the price! Words: 103,390. Language: English. Published: November 1, 2010. Category: Fiction » Fantasy » General
(4.00 from 2 reviews)
Take a journey into the strange and magical land known as the Mea Culpa Valley; an area with a long and proud history of profound weirdness and insanity. The residents of a small chunk of squalor known as Timbrook are visited by a quirky knight on a quest, and inadvertently become swept up in a hysterical adventure like none ever before witnessed. Excitement! Laughs! Mayhem! Romance! Intrigue!

R.D. Winfrey’s tag cloud

adventure    comedy    drama    fantasy    fiction    funny    hilarious    historical    history    humor    humorous    knights    medieval