Good sentiments. Nice imagery. Some of the sentences ran on a little long (look at the second paragraph). Though, I think you have to use a lot of seeds to make ricin. I don't think a few beans will do it.
Well written, though I got a bit confused about the time flow from Harold's first trip to the trash pile to the conversation with his wife about the promotion. Good job getting us to dislike Alice. The 'milquetoast' husband a bit stereotypical, though it's hard to get that much character complexity in so short a piece.
I really loved this--I'm a big fan of Tarantino movies, and this one had a similar feel as From Dusk Til Dawn. Great dialogue in the middle, but I started wondering "where's the action" and then -bam!- there it is.
I want to see more out of this guy. Hope the other stories have the same kind of dialogue.
OK. A lot of stuff I've been reading on the site is obviously by amateurs. This guy is the real deal. I'm not saying I ever cried, but he hits all the emotions. I will admit to laughing a bunch. And getting pissed off. At the characters, not the writer! It reads pretty fast. Doesn't sag in the middle. I maybe would have liked for it to end a little differently, but that's my opinion, it was still a well-written ending.
Well written and copyedited. It's nice to read through a story without a bunch of glaring typos. I didn't really get a lot up front to care about with Dave. But later he kind of grew on me. Nothing to dislike about him, after all.
Like the portrayal of nerd culture and the message board, and the fact that it's the 'real' news.
The confrontation with the wife up front... I don't know, seemed a bit formulaic.
Still, well written. Wouldn't mind seeing where the story goes.
It's a good story, and there are a lot of neat and funny moments sprinkled throughout. It started a bit slow for me, with sentences longer than I prefer and a few repeat words. The slowest part was near the beginning when we meet the main character and prior to the discovery of the hidden world. still, once you get past that it moves pretty well. Good for young readers as well.
My kind of story. Excellent dialogue. Didn't think I'd be interested in the kid but he ended up being one of my favorites. He did the good guys pretty well, but really did a masterful job with the bad guys, especially the twins. Read it pretty quick, too.