Tom Lichtenberg


Biography

Short absurdist comic-surrealist nonsense with poly genre mashup. Sincerely weird.

Where to find Tom Lichtenberg online


Where to buy in print


Books

The New Guy In Moon Base Twelve    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 18830 words. Published on February 11, 2012. Fiction.

0.5 star(3.50 from 2 reviews)
They weren't exactly the crew the President had in mind when he announced his plan to build a permanent base on the moon so the Chinese wouldn't do it first, but there they were, a boring collection of peaceful, happy settlers who couldn't even get a decent reality TV show rating. Life was perfectly dull until the new guy arrived. Now if they could only find out who he was and where he'd come from
The Mortal Hole    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 32710 words. Published on January 19, 2012. Fiction.

A collection of short fictions, including the complete Sexy Teenage Vampires trilogy, The Futile Epikles and other characters, and several previously unpublished stories.
All Geeked Up    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 67390 words. Published on September 8, 2011. Fiction.

(3.00 from 2 reviews)
From their humble beginnings as inventors of a handheld device with basic mind control capabilities, the tech-folk behind World Weary Avengers, Incorporated moved on to develop such gadgets as one capable of recording an individual's very personality and replaying it back into another person. Only a small group of testers stand between these audacious inventors and your very soul.
In Constant Contact    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 22650 words. Published on July 31, 2011. Fiction.

(4.00 from 1 review)
The good folks at World Weary Avengers are at it again. They have a device that keeps you in continual contact with a "professional friend", guaranteed to always be there, whenever you need them, to be whatever you need them to be. Now it's up to Kandhi Clarke and her team to make sure if does what it's supposed to, and not what it's not, before this latest tech-astrophe is let loose on the world
Entropic Quest - An Epic Fantasy by Tom Lichtenberg and Johnny Lichtenberg    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 35380 words. Published on June 22, 2011. Fiction.

In this dystopian fantasy, certain people are stuck at binary ages (8, 16, 32 ...) due to an unknown cause. They cannot age, or change, or become sick or even injured. By turns experimented on, abused, tortured and scorned, they are eventually exiled into a strange prison, an infinite forest world from which there is no escape. There they seek a cure, an antidote, a solution to their problem.
Dragon Town    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 18040 words. Published on April 21, 2011. Fiction.

(3.00 from 1 review)
Argus Kirkham, now 39, is once again dragged unwillingly into an inexplicable situation. Sapphire Karadjian returns to the story as an investigate journalist assigned to a new mystery, a volcanic sinkhole which has swallowed an entire football stadium, and from which a very strange and nameless young girl has emerged, hair and clothes on fire, with a message for Argus.
Sexy Teenage Vampires    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 4980 words. Published on March 26, 2011. Fiction.

0.75 star(4.67 from 3 reviews)
Three short stories offering a novel twist on the 'paranormal' romance thing. These kids live underground, in train stations and subway stops, using modern techniques to extract what they need from packed and tired rush-hour commuters. Sometimes it pays to be more afraid of what you CAN see, what you want to look at, what you can't stop looking at.
Rainbow Country    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 9160 words. Published on March 2, 2011. Screenplays.

A stage play. When Thalia Jennings inherits a mountain resort from the father she never knew, she discovers it to be much less - and infinitely more - than she ever imagined.
Jimmyland    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 17100 words. Published on February 4, 2011. Screenplays.

The settlers were dispatched to a distant planet to build a colony to house the future of mankind. They had everything they needed, except a backup plan in case things went horribly wrong, and there was no way home.
Fixture    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 15640 words. Published on December 13, 2010. Fiction.

0.5 star(3.50 from 2 reviews)
When a city commissioned a famous artist to create a masterpiece for their newly refurbished downtown, they only forgot one thing: to tell him when to stop. Now his greatest work is threatening to take over everywhere. It's a race against time and space and dimensions nobody even knew were there!
Dawn Debris: A Comic Book Without Illustrations    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 4470 words. Published on September 25, 2010. Fiction.

(1.00 from 1 review)
When his new idea is stolen, Morris Bevelhead turns to the best finder of lost things in the business - Dawn Debris, Private Eye. After a hearty breakfast, Dawn finds herself trapped in a sinister conspiracy to save the world through orange juice. Can she pull the plug before it's too late, or will the mega company FedCorTron rule the day? (Extracted from the 'Cashier World' story collection)
Unwritten Rules of Impossible Things    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 15660 words. Published on September 13, 2010. Fiction.

0.5 star(4.50 from 2 reviews)
What if someone - or something - stole one of your days? Just one, and you didn't know why, or what they had done with your life in that time? Young Philip Galvez and his friend Marcus Holmes found out for themselves when they decided to discover why there was a giant stuffed moose in a house down the road.
Renegade Robot    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 16850 words. Published on July 31, 2010. Fiction.

(5.00 from 2 reviews)
It's the end of the world as we know it, when the dreaded Singularity finally occurs and happens to be captured, live on tape, by agents of the Frantic News Network, which freaks out, as usual, and causes a lot of trouble for the mild-mannered nanobot exterminator who happens to get caught in the crossfire.
Bookstore Lore: The Stupidest Questions Ever Asked in a Bookstore    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 4470 words. Published on June 22, 2010. Nonfiction.

(2.00 from 2 reviews)
The original collection of "Most Stupid Questions Ever" with an introduction by Chris Haight, and collected by generations of bookstore workers from downtown San Francisco, California. Now in its 4th edition, featuring brand new stupid questions submitted by our readers
Raisinheart    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 16640 words. Published on April 28, 2010. Fiction.

Three stories of a lonely youth. Jimmy Kruzel's bad luck is that his worst enemies are always his best friends, or is it the other way around, and that sometimes his darkest hours seem to come right after the dawn. In tales more bitter than sweet, Jimmy finds that you can attract more flies with honey than you can with vinegar, but really, who wants to attract flies anyway?
Death Ray Butterfly    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 19420 words. Published on April 10, 2010. Fiction.

(4.11 from 9 reviews)
Inspector Stanley Mole doesn't mind a hard case, but things have gotten out of hand. There's a killer who escapes to a parallel universe, a frozen caveman with a bullet in his skull, a woman who claims to have witnessed her own murder, a toddler assassin, time-traveling dictators, and subatomic-particle sniffing butterflies. For Mole, this time more than just his reputation is on the line.
Zombie Nights    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 17410 words. Published on March 11, 2010. Fiction.

0.5 star(3.56 from 18 reviews)
Being a zombie, not so easy. That could have been Dave Connor's six word memoir. "At first he couldn't remember how he'd ended up in that shallow grave; he just knew it was hell to claw his way out, and that the taste of its dirt would remain in his mouth for the rest of his time on this earth" ... Expect the unexpected in this existential resurrection thriller.
Tiddlywink the Mouse    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 5490 words. Published on January 26, 2010. Fiction.

(4.00 from 1 review)
A collection of oddly surreal stories for unusual children, featuring a mouse and his friends - a squirrel, an elephant, a limpet and a fish - along with an assortment of mischievous clouds and cowardly mushrooms.
Ledman Pickup    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 29900 words. Published on January 13, 2010. Fiction.

0.75 star(4.67 from 3 reviews)
If you were a sentient gadget, what would you do? Travel? See the world? After overhearing one warehouse worker tell another that 'Green Bay is better than San Francisco', a newly conscious handheld device decides to re-route its shipping destination. From there one hell of a wild goose chase is on as the gadget's designers' agents race to track it down and bring it in before it gets away for good
Phantom of the Mall    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 7250 words. Published on November 28, 2009. Fiction.

The settlers were dispatched to a distant world to prepare the way for the great migration. Everything went according to plan, a little too smoothly, perhaps. Now there's only one thing missing in New Town, just a minor detail. Dystopia in G Minor. The Phantom of the Mall.
Golden    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 21890 words. Published on November 28, 2009. Screenplays.

A man saved by accident from global human extinction is able to travel back in time within the previous century – the only problem is, he’s a black man in 20th century America. A screenplay based on characters from the novel Time Zone
The Part-Time People    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 16180 words. Published on November 25, 2009. Fiction.

0.5 star(3.50 from 2 reviews)
DeBarrie's Stationery Store needed help again. Somehow, the part-time people never worked out. It was a problem. One after another, the part-time people came and went, and sometimes, nobody ever found out what happened to them. The newest one seemed even more hopeless than usual. His job application announced "there's a man who follows me around and ruins everything I try to do".
Rampant Pheromonix    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 19380 words. Published on November 24, 2009. Fiction.

When an overpopulated city is exposed to an epidemic of clairvoyance, all hell breaks loose. It’s up to the ‘wuns above’ and Science to fend off the forces of both good and evil in a race against certain annihilation.
Fissure Monroe    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 24510 words. Published on November 24, 2009. Fiction.

(4.00 from 1 review)
Dawn Debris is hired to find a possibly-radiation-poisoned leg bone of a high society fashionette who only wants to fit in with the new craze of skeletal transplants that’s sweeping the nation. A store detective, a street musician, a tedious pundit and a suspicious beautician are all involved as market forces compete in a world where beauty is no longer skin deep.
Cashier World    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 39980 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

A collection of stories, including the Legend of the Wandering Cashier, the roadside diner Angel of Death, the classic tale of the Bathroom on the Bus, and featuring private eye Dawn Debris in the Land of Many Things
Hidden Highway    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 19730 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

Sharad LeMaster ran away from his own cult, and tried to hide from his followers by taking a desk job in a motel in the middle of nowhere, but when a certain lazy ghost from his past reappears, Sharad is lured into a haunted house and becomes the proud possession of the witch Eugenia, and gets caught between rival black-market magic-potion dealers in their fight over a girl.
World Weary Avengers    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 15880 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

(3.00 from 1 review)
The good folks at World Weary Avengers Incorporated had a simple idea - changing the world for the better by talking loudly in public. Seemed simple enough, but even with the help of the most sophisticated hand held device ever invented, some jobs are better not left to amateurs. You never know what kind of hell could break loose.
Time Zone    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 33650 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

(5.00 from 1 review)
This is not your father’s time travel. There’s no machine, no dial. There’s no telling where or when you’ll go. The only thing that can change is you. It will make you what it needs to make you. And if you come back, it won’t be the same you. You’re messing with the nature of things, and the nature of things does not like to be messed with. Welcome to a riddle of change and addiction.
Squatter with a Lexus    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 20360 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

(5.00 from 1 review)
Pearson Holmes disappeared a long time ago, leaving behind a potentially valuable safety deposit box. Freddy the Freegan is the first to stumble across the mystery, but soon a whole cast of characters are out to find the key and claim the treasure before time runs out and the contents are forfeit to the state. Who will solve the riddle of the Squatter with a Lexus?
Somebody Somewhere    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 24060 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

Some psycho kidnaps his would-be girlfiend, gets chased by the cops halfway across the state, runs out of gas right outside your house, where you and your spouse are enjoying a quiet evening at home, and now you’re held hostage at gunpoint and surrounded by police. It could happen.
Snapdragon Alley    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 43070 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

0.25 star(3.33 from 6 reviews)
Ten year old friends Alex and Sapphire discover something strange on the city bus map, a street that existed for only one year. As they set out to solve the mystery, they encounter the possibility of another world, another dimension perhaps, in a vacant lot, but they are not the only ones on the trail. Who will discover the truth, and who will pay the price? Book One of the Dragon City Trilogy.
Secret Sidewalk    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 19540 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

(4.00 from 2 reviews)
Beauregaard Sweet became invisible, but his troubles began when he suddenly reappeared. Now everybody wants something from him. Manny the mechanic wants his wife. Sharad LeMaster wants his secret. Emma Biggs wants another shot at the TV news, the Four Tribes want to send him back to wherever it was he’d gone, and all he wants to do is eat donuts and watch reality TV.
Orange Car with Stripes    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 19600 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

(5.00 from 1 review)
On a dare, Gian Carlo Spallanzini set out to discover the deepest darkest secret of a person picked at random. He had no idea what he was getting into. Even a fat, bearded know-it-all ought to know better than to leap before you look. Add a crystal ball, a foul-mouthed parrot, and a cranky atheist talk show host and you'll never guess the outrageous mystery behind the orange car with stripes.
Missy Tonight    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 26170 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

(5.00 from 1 review)
These days it seems like everyone is cashing in on the New Atheism craze, except for lifelong unbeliever Alan Musted. What’s a portable toilet dispatcher to do? Crash the party, that’s what! Join Alan and his friends and enemies in this ground-breaking work of “atheist pulp fiction”, the spellbinding sequel to 'Orange Car with Stripes'
Macedonia    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 24190 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

A gang of street kids, an anonymous radio announcer, a detective from the future, a presidential assassination attempt and a frequently mistaken narrator all play a part in this jumble of introductions to an open-source novel inspired by the works of Macedonio Fernandez. Cover painting by Delma Soult.
Freak City    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 24540 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

(4.11 from 9 reviews)
It’s hard to control your destiny while you’re waiting for the bus. The trouble for Argus Kirkham began when a stranger pushed his way through a crowd at a bus stop and pressed a package into his hands. Inside the package were various random items. As Argus and his friends unravel the clues, very strange things occur in this story of mystery and ghosts. Book Two of the Dragon City Trilogy.
Bobby and the Bedouins    by Tom Lichtenberg
Price: Free! 25350 words. Published on November 15, 2009. Fiction.

0.5 star(4.50 from 2 reviews)
Mario Flambeau was once a guitar god, a superstar in the psychedelic heyday. Now he's a burned-out wreck. When a desperate producer finds him in a church basement in a band with other derelicts, he has visions of a major comeback payday. Add a drummer with an anger management problem and a preening drifter diva lead singer, and you've got all the makings of a true rock and roll apocalypse

Tom Lichtenberg’s tag cloud

addiction    adolescence    adultery    adventure    african american    ai    alcohol    alien    aliens    ambition    angel of death    apocalypse    art    astrology    atheism    bank fraud    bank robbery    barbers    bass    bathroom    best friends    bisexuality    body snatchers    bookstores    bullies    bus    bus drivers    camaro    caper    cashier    cavemen    character sketches    chase    childhood    children    children adventure    childrens adventure    childrens fiction    clairvoyance    clerk    clouds    colony    comedy    comic book    comic science fiction    commuters    computers    corporation    crazy    crime    cult leaders    cults    dawn debris    detective    device    devices    dimensions    diner    divination    dowsing    dragon    drama    dreaming    dreams    dystopia    dystopia novels    dystopian    dystopian climate change romance genetic manipulation speculative post apocalyptic    dystopian fantasy    dystopias    election    epic    epidemic    esp    exile    existential    experimental    extraterrestrial    fantasy    fedcortron    fiction ghosts mystery    fiction music    fire    fishing    fortune tellers    freegan    friendship    futuristic    gadget    gadgets    game    gangs    geek fiction    genetic engineering    ghosts    gimm    gizmo    haunted house    heroes    hippie    hippies    homeless    horror    humor    humor and comedy    immortal    impossible things    inventions    kidnapping    la honda    latin america    lawyers    losers    lunar    macedonio fernandez    machines    madness    magic potions    magical realism    mechanics    metafiction    mice    mind control    missing persons    moon    motels    murder    mystery    nervous breakdown    newsstand    nightmare    obsession    old man    orange juice    overpopulation    panhandling    parallel universe    parallel universes    parallel worlds    paranoia    paranormal    parrots    pie    play    police    private detective    private eye    psycho thriller    pundits    quest    rainbows    redwood trees    republican    resurrection    retail    revolution    road trip    roadside diner    robots    robots ai aliens automaton    rock    rock and roll    rock fiction    rock lit    rock stars    rocknroll    romance    runaways    safety deposit box    satire    save the world    science    science fiction    sculpture    service    seti    settlers    sex addiction    shipping and receiving    shopping    short stories    singularity    sinkhole    small towns    social media    social network    socialism    software    space    space travel    spaceships    spies    spring hill lake    squirrels    storage    subatomic particles    surrealism    suspense    talk show    talk shows    tall tales    technology    teenagers    telepathy    television    test    the war on stuff    theater    time travel    tracking devices    train station    transit    treasure hunt    tv    ubik    unwritten rules    urban    urban fantasy    vampire    vegetarian    warehouse    waterfront    wetford    wikipedia    witchcraft    women    world domination    young adult    young love    youth    zen    zombies   

Tom Lichtenberg's favorite authors on Smashwords


Smashwords book reviews by Tom Lichtenberg

  • A Brief Conversation with My Hair on April 24, 2010
    star star star star star
    Like the hero of 'Diary of a Grocery Cart', this collection of deliciously absurd humor is 'overflowing with abundance'- in other words, it's got a lot of funny stuff. I especially enjoyed the proposed zombie movie plots, the interview with Count Chocula, and Calvin and Hobbes by Hemingway.
  • A Letter To Justin Bieber's Hair on July 10, 2010
    star star star star star
    i like it. I guarantee that "his a household name" will be!
  • We Don’t Plummet Out of the Sky Anymore on July 21, 2010
    star star star star
    Definitely worth reading. Although I got lost a bit in some of the comparison shopping, I enjoyed the humor and appreciated the novel approach to one of the more popular futuristic myths of our time.
  • 3 on Sep. 20, 2010
    star star star star star
    I especially enjoyed the first and last of the three stories. I found them thoroughly engrossing, suspenseful and surprising as you're led deeper and deeper into their mysteries, but never feel tricked or deceived. All three of the stories eventually go farther and deeper than you expect.
  • Broken Bulbs on Sep. 20, 2010
    star star star star star
    This is one of the best books I've found on Smashwords so far. The Moxie Mezcal review below sums it up pretty well. It's hysterical and wretched at the same time. I want to throw in a bunch of quotes here from the book but I wouldn't know when to stop. There's just so much good stuff.
  • Mr. Diddles, the Pit of Fire, and The Karate Guys on Dec. 15, 2010
    star star star star star
    This is really good comic science fiction! It's very funny, hysterical at times, and very inventive too, and takes so many unexpected twists and turns it makes you want to hang on to your seat. It has several characters so vivid it makes me wish I could draw - it would make a fantastic graphic novel. I would love to see a collection of readers' drawings of these guys.
  • Scribbling On Foucault's Walls on July 09, 2011
    star star star star star
    A fine feat of imagination, inserting a child into the life of a complex and interesting historical figure. Adding this perspective both brings out the human in that person and highlights his contradictions. I loved the boldness of this approach, and also the excellent writing I've come to take for granted from this very talented author.
  • Coastal on Oct. 07, 2011
    star star star star star
    horrifying, stunning, brutal, impressive, unforgettable.
  • Welcome to Mom's Diner on Oct. 29, 2011
    star star star star star
    What a wonderful story. I loved it. I'd give it ten stars if I could
  • Where The Sun Sets on Nov. 03, 2011
    star star star star
    Good story, well told.
  • The Fear of E on Nov. 19, 2011
    star star star star star
    Wonderful. Excellent. Hilarious.
  • Day Gazing: Weird Shorts on June 02, 2012
    star star star star star
    I loved these intense short stories. In several of them, beautifully sketched characters find themselves drawn, thrown, or simply awakened into inexplicably weird situations. I especially liked the pair called ‘Freedom/Stairs’, depicting protagonists choosing opposite coping strategies (‘Stairs’, especially, is a greatly empathic story). ‘The Protector’ is another sharp tale of unexpected and exciting new possibilities, while ‘Bunker Test’ and ‘White Room’ are in her wheelhouse of personal apocalypse. Highly recommended.
  • The Alien's Luggage on June 03, 2012
    star star star star star
    A fun little story, nice take on flying saucers
  • The Is Shop on June 03, 2012
    star star star star star
    Wonderful! A perfect story.
  • The Ad Agency on June 03, 2012
    star star star star star
    clever take on an original idea, well executed and funny too.
  • Taxbell on June 03, 2012
    star star star star star
    based on a great concept, the story is well told and well thought out.
  • Accident Man on June 03, 2012
    star star star star star
    excellent story, made me wonder what Lady SOL would look like!
  • Generation Next The Real Thing on June 03, 2012
    star star star star star
    nice take on the old alien invasion theme.