The Dan Provocations

After a knock in the night, Dan is kidnapped to tackle a malicious galactic mail-order company. He discovers that sex makes a lot of the galaxy go wrong, and those bits that aren’t, are driven by ale. With a race of Viking rejects, a gorgeous woman who isn’t anything she seems, a trip to the end of Time itself, and a lot of luck, he makes it to the final confrontation with the ultimate being.

Tom wakes after an accident to find he has mislaid a load of years and his entire planet. He becomes a universal commuter in the search for his lost love. One of the problems with hopping between universes is that there is an off chance that you can meet yourself. That really can’t happen of course, and so it does, right at the point where the whole fabric of space and time folds up.

Tom is reborn into a chaotic world where bureaucracy and process have taken over from all logic and good sense. He has the misfortune find himself as the leader of a company, but nobody will tell him what it does. With the impending collapse of four universes, he has to do something. But where to start, without catching a bullet? A lusty romp through everything wrong with business and life today.

In a world where bureaucracy has gone mad, Tom is now in charge of a shady corporation. With a workforce of Viking rejects and a director who won’t quit, the search to cure the Dokuvirus discovers just about everything else. With the Temporal Conduct Authority closing in, Tom has to pull something out of the mess, or they will put him back into his proper place in time and space (i.e. dead).

Tom’s non-payment of a parking fine coincides with the rise of the vehicle storage junta and he begins a crusade against parking charges, revenue cameras and the new 10mph speed limit. His reign of unrest sadly ends when he loses his life in a freak copper-sodium flavored pizza incident, but his people fight on without him... until they are bribed to stop. Is there any hope for decent people now?

Maybe being in charge of the very end of Time, and living forever, is a good thing, but perhaps reconsider when a horde of hungry aliens turn up, and why do they want to do a documentary? Two-Dan $mith (sic) has to stop the invasion... with only a clapped-out Time Cylinder, and allies consisting of a retired PI, a trophy android, and the best cup of tea in all the universes.