The Scorpion Nest: A Short Story

Rated 3.33/5 based on 3 reviews
Newlyweds Joel and Sonnet have just wrapped up a housewarming party in Suburban Phoenix. Custom-built on the site of a meteor crash a half century ago, the young couple received everything they wanted in their dream house. Unfortunately, Joel and Sonnet also got what they didn't want: thousands of unwelcome, venomous guests. More
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About Guy Harrison

Guy Harrison is a Phoenix area-based author raised in Philadelphia. Once an aspiring sportscaster, Harrison released his debut novel, Agents of Change, in February 2012. He currently lives in Chandler, Arizona with his wife Lindsay and their son Vance.

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Review by: solar storm on May 10, 2013 :
Disclaimer: I received this from the author in exchange for a review.

A slightly confusing, but creepy tale of horror and revenge.

I like scorpions. I think they are very cool creatures. However, while I would have snakes, lizards, and spiders for pets, I don’t think I would have a scorpion for a pet. They are better at a distance. I can’t imagine the horror to find that your house is infested with scorpions that seem dead set on terror. The horror was good and the revenge Joel got was sweet. I was confused by the scorpions. Where did they actually come from? Why didn’t they kill Joel? Despite my confusion, this was a good, quick horror read.
(review of free book)
Review by: Harrison Drake on July 25, 2012 :
Anyone who says they don't judge a book (or ebook) by the cover is lying. As an independent author myself, I know that it is imperative that the cover art be well done. A shoddy cover suggests one thing: the author didn't care enough to bother. This is definitely not a shoddy cover - it's fantastic. Cover art is an investment, there is no doubt about that, and since The Scorpion Nest is a free download via Smashwords in a number of formats, and on Amazon for Kindle for $0.99 (Amazon is slow on the price-matching), it is an investment that may never be returned. That shows professionalism and dedication to the craft.

On to the story itself. Guy has done what many authors (including myself) have done: include an excerpt from another work. But the excerpt came before the short story I wanted to read. I'm not a fan of flipping through virtual pages to get to the 'meat and potatoes', and this was a lot of flips. I prefer to see the excerpts and "Coming Soons" at the end of the book.

Once we make it to The Scorpion Nest, it opens with a "you had me at hello" moment, set in 1962 Arizona. I love the 50's and early 60's - the music, the (likely idealized view of) courtship, the fashions - and so having the story begin with a young couple listening to Buddy Holly in the car, while the male party attempts to court his lady friend made me a happy reader. But of course, the semi-idyllic beginning doesn't last long thanks to a meteor crashing into the ground not far from where they were parked. In typical horror movie fashion, the young man decides to exercise his right to bravado and approaches the impact site.

The story skips ahead to 2012 and a new couple, Joel and Sonnet (love the name). After our first scorpion, we learn that the couple have recently built their dream home in Arizona. Guy does a great job of building the suspense slowly and showing the terror that Sonnet feels at having scorpions in her home as well as Joel's somewhat feigned lack of concern. I felt for Joel and Sonnet. There are luckily no scorpions in Canada...­ at least not that I know of. Creepy little buggers.

Guy has clearly done his research into scorpions. And from the interview questions below you'll be treated to the reasoning as to why. Let's just say it wasn't all for this story. We are treated to an education into scorpion physiology and behaviour without ever feeling like it is being forced upon the reader. Too often writers hone in on a topic and it turns into a Bubba moment, fifteen pages talking about shrimp. Guy's factoids are spaced out, slipped into the dialogue and subtle. And creepy. (I retain the right to overuse the word 'creepy'.)

I found myself on Wikipedia after finishing the story to fact check, hoping that certain things weren't true. But alas, scorpions really do flouresce under a UV light. And as the tension builds, both between Sonnet and Joel, and between the two of them and the scorpions, Guy drops what I felt was the creepiest scene by far. It involves an empty room in the house, Sonnet's UV flashlight and...­ well, the room isn't exactly empty.

This is not your standard 'creature-feature'. With some science fiction elements woven through the story, things definitely aren't always what they seem. As the suspense is reaching the boiling point, the issues between Sonnet and Joel coming to a head, and the scorpions still doing their creepy thing, the story takes a major turn. And it's a turn that I'm really not sure what to think of. I found that the twist came very quickly, so quickly that I had to do the reading equivalent of a double-take. I backed up a page and reread the part to make sure I hadn't missed something. I hadn't.

I like twists. A lot. I'm probably one of the few people who loved M. Night Shyamalan's The Village. I like getting to the end of a movie or book and saying, "what the bleep just happened?", then rereading or rewatching it to see if I can pick out the little hints along the way. But I wasn't a fan of this twist. We're then taken to the attic of the house where we're treated to a big surprise and the chance to see Joel's athletic prowess in action.

The epilogue to the story (not labelled as such) is brilliant and wraps up the subplot between Joel and Sonnet, and just makes for a fabulous ending. Joel's last line of dialogue made me laugh diabolically (inside, of course).

Overall, Guy's writing is solid and descriptive. When the suspense builds, the sentences shorten and become sharper. When the pace is slower, the descriptions are longer and more detailed, the dialogue restful with an omnipresent tinge of suspense. And the dialogue shines. Guy is a talented writer and it shows. The dialogue is realistic, written as it would be spoken and changing given the situation. The characters are well-developed as is the dynamic between Joel and Sonnet. To achieve this in the span of only a few thousand words takes skill.

Guy did an excellent job with this story, making me think twice about going anywhere with scorpions or at least taking a UV flashlight with me. And that is, I would say, what Guy was trying to achieve. I would have liked to see the final pre-'epilogue' scene fleshed out a little more. It wouldn't have detracted from the suspense and it would have made what was an unusual and out-of-the-blue twist a little easier to read and accept. The 1962 prologue set the stage for the sci-fi elements, but by the time the twist came Guy had done such a good job getting me wrapped up in the scorpions that what happened in the 60's wasn't fresh in my mind. I believe that if Guy had slowed the pace just a bit before the twist, threw in a few more lines to remind the reader of the opening scene (without forcefeeding), the transition from 'creature-feature' to 'oh-my-gawd' would have been smoother.
(review of free book)
Review by: The Critic on March 21, 2012 :
Expressive and vivid
(review of free book)
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