Angel's Story

Rated 2.00/5 based on 5 reviews
It is a story of Angel and how she finds out who she is.
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Review by: Clinton Alexander on Jan. 17, 2013 :
Rain- I just wanted to say that I liked your story. While it was a little rough around the edges, I'm glad that you shared it with us and hope that now, two years later that you are still writing. As an author- which is what you are, there will always be those that like your work and those that will not, the more we all read and write the more skilled we become at it. Good Luck and keep writing. :)
(review of free book)

Review by: Dale Cusack on Dec. 30, 2010 : (no rating)
Taking into account that this is the authors first attempt and that the author is very young I have decided to focus on the positives in my review.

The story is written in a style largely void of dialogue. I remember my writing tutor saying that novels should be around eighty percent dialogue. Let the characters tell the story rather than the author.

Character development is another key component of good writing. We place characters into novel situations and then they tell us how they are reacting to that. In your story angel discovers she is a vampire. How do you think you would react to that news? As a fourteen year old girl yourself you must have a good idea? You merely said that "she was shocked". Maybe you could have fleshed this out a little. Angel was shocked, her head spun and she felt dizzy. 
"Are you ok?" Alex asked moving forward to steady his friend. "would you like some water? Or perhaps a little blood...."
"I'm ok I just need to sit down." Alex looked on unconvinced. "No really I'll be ok, I just need a minute. I kinda suspected deep down but....well I mean, a vampire! It's just so unreal"

You see the use of dialogue to describe the emotions she is feeling and how she is reacting and her friend is reacting to her reaction. This is far more interesting for readers to follow than a documentary style.  

On the positives you have imagination, you have the drive to complete a story, and you are brave enough to publish it for peer review. Keep writing, experiment with dialogue. Try writing out conversations between characters you make up. Say a conversation between a priest and a vampire on a midnight bus traveling through the city. Anything for practice. I'm happy to read and review your work as I'm sure many others on here as well as a previous excellent suggestion that you join a writers group or forum. You will need a thick skin.
(review of free book)

Review by: MJ Ware on Aug. 26, 2010 : (no rating)
Rain, Don't let the bad reviews get you down! Join a writer's group, or an online board. Absolute write is great, as they have a section where you can post your stories and get valuable feedback.

Just because your first try wasn't a bestseller don't give up. My first effort stunk and I was twice your age.

(review of free book)

Review by: Rain Waldner on Aug. 26, 2010 : (no rating)
What do you expect I'm only fourteen.
(review of free book)

Review by: Exy Breeze on Aug. 25, 2010 :
Decent idea, but the story needs to be expanded on. I found it far too short. As this is your first book, keep trying. The jotted note style isn't really the way to get this story across, you need to describe the world, the people, the situation. Also, watch for your POV, some words just slip.
(review of free book)

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