on March 3, 2014 :
WARNING: THIS IS NOT A BOOK FOR CHILDREN OR EVEN YOUNG ADULTS. IF YOU ARE 18 OR YOUNGER, STOP READING THIS REVIEW RIGHT NOW! EVEN THIS REVIEW IS INAPPROPRIATE FOR SOME.
And there will be spoilers.
Rating: 3 out of 5 stars, Genre: Apocalyptic/ Erotica, Pages: 434, Reading Level: Easy
Book Description from Barnes & Noble:
“A virus devastates humanity. Few men survive. The rest are monsters. The women are dead, except Evie.
Through a quirk in her genetics, she survives. When her physiology begins to evolve, she must come to terms with what she is and accept her role in finding a cure.
The mutated hunt her. The men brutalize her…except three. Cryptic warrior, contrite lover, caring enemy; they are fiercely protective of the last living woman, but divided in their own agendas. Can they come together to protect the only hope for humanity?
Evie must survive.
Content advisory: Guns. Gore. Sex.”
How would you like to be the only human female left on the planet, with men everywhere? Men who adore you. Men who will do anything for you, pleasure you when you want and won’t mind sharing you with other men. And the way this book is going, men who wouldn’t mind if another man joined in.
Hello mommy porn!
Here’s the thing- before writing this review, I looked up classifications of this book. Post-apocalyptic seems to come up the most. Others include, fantasy, horror, thriller and even space exploration, of which there is none. Do you know what DOES NOT come up? Erotica. So why did I include erotica in my genre? That is a very good question. The answer is- because the main character is a sex addict. Yessiree. The only human female left on the planet is a sex addict.
I’ll try to summarize the book a bit. A murderous, incestuous, rapist, Muslim, misogynist, sociopathic terrorist releases a virus that turns humans into aphids and women are just pretty much killed off and the reason that he is not attracted to Evie is because he is turning into a bug and NOT because he is the only gay man to survive the apocalypse. Evie is immune and begins to take on ladybug features because ladybugs are aphids’ natural predators. But Evie soon discovers she can send messages to the aphids if she has skin on skin contact with men. So when she has to do mental battle, she strips down and has the men around her do the same so they can hold her while she engages in aphid mind control.
Oh, did I forget to mention that one of her three main squeezes is a priest?
I know what you are thinking. I am totally pulling your leg because the previous two paragraphs really make no sense at all. Well I’m not. And I can prove it. Read the book.
However, don’t get all nice and comfortable, ready for some hot, steamy mommy porn. There is a lot of killing, gore and rape. After all, having every single man on the planet pine for you comes at a cost. You may get chained up and brutally raped from time to time, maybe someone will try to cut off your breasts, etc. But it’s totally worth it, right? I mean seriously, in the post-apocalyptic world, it’s raining men.
I am having a bit of fun about it, but I know it’s like a whole hive thing and Evie is the queen; I just don’t know that it works all that well.
What Did Not Work
The constant stirring between Evie’s legs. It got old. Everything turns her on. She could be held prisoner, mistreated, fearing for her life and her captor turns her on. Not kidding people.
The level of neediness. Someone else had to bathe her at one point. She needs skin on skin contact to keep the nightmares away and two men work better than one.
The fawning. I love you Evie. I’ll do anything for you Evie. Even if you never touch me again, I’ll die for you Evie. Blech. Her husband was the only one who spoke like a real man, in my humble, feminine opinion. That’s why I keep referring to this as mommy porn. I guess some women like it; I don’t.
There are some editing/ proofreading issues that are borderline distracting.
What Did Work
Mommy porn. Need I say more?
Well I will anyway. It may sound convenient that she is well trained with weapons and fighting techniques and goes into this already prepared. But in spite of the fact that she is well-prepared, she still ends up in bad situations. Since it’s a trilogy, I don’t think it’s a huge spoiler to say she makes it, but she doesn’t make it unscathed.
What Would Have Made this Book Better
If it had been classified as erotica.
If it had been a spoof of apocalyptic fiction.
If there had been one man who said, “Eh. No thanks. I’m gay.” Really? Sociopath bug boy is the only gay man who survived the apocalypse?
If there were a few other women like her and some of her sex puppies had been tempted by someone else, causing a big cat fight. Now that would have been AWESOME! But in all seriousness, maybe one or both of the next two will bring this into the story, but there have to be other women out there like Evie. I want to see what happens when they meet.
Will I read the next book?
Absolutely. I am looking forward to more it’s raining men mommy porn.
However… read at your own risk. I debated between 2, 3 and 4 stars, but at no point was I tempted to put the book down. The only thing that would have persuaded me to put the book down was if Evie had run into some gay men and they all fell head over heels in love with her. Well, there’s always book 2…
Reviewed by Christina
Update- October 14, 2013
YOU TOO CAN PREPARE FOR THE APOCALYPSE!
I revisited the discussion thread of this book in a Goodreads group and one thing we kept going back to was how conveniently, well prepared Eve is for the apocalypse. So I decided to start making a list of things to do so that you too can be prepared.
Make sure you are on a birth control that works for years, preferably one that decreases the frequency of your monthly visitor, if you are female of course. As one member commented, no period during the apocalypse= awesome!
Waxing, especially you women. Brazilian is probably best but make sure you get those legs, underarms, moustache anywhere else that might eventually get those thick, coarse granny hairs. It would be most embarrassing if you end up hooking up with every man you run into and you are presenting them with your own personal jungle.
That brings me to condoms. If you are going to hook up with every man you run into, make sure you are really, very well stocked with condoms. With no doctors around, you don’t want to catch something unseemly. And while you’re at it, maybe stock up on penicillin so if you do get something unseemly, you can get rid of it.
Make sure you are married to a survivalist. Even if he is 86ed early on, you will be well-trained and well-armed.
Make sure you are fluent in many languages. You never know when you will run into a dog that only responds to German commands.
Make sure you own a crappy car. That way when you are looking for transportation after the apocalypse, you will have mad skills like hotwiring.
Make sure you have many pairs of panties. Again, hooking up with so many guys + you being the only female survivor = torn or lost panties.
It helps if dead family members come back as spirit guides.
If you do not yet have one, get yourself a voodoo vagina. It may come in handy.
If you are a sex addict who absolutely cannot get enough, make sure you have an electronic device that can get the job done in the event there is no male available. The toothpaste drawer is the perfect place to stash it.
(reviewed 11 months after purchase)