Some people don’t ask to become heroes. All they want is to live a nice peaceful life, and to get laid every once in a while. Destiny, however, might have other plans for a few of us, evil plans including witches, Satanists, demons, zombies and even possessed babies. One man, Scary Peter, can’t hide from his destiny anymore. Destiny is coming, and it wants to kill him. Rating: HIGH controversy. More
Some people don’t ask to become heroes. All they want is to live a nice peaceful life, and to get laid every once in a while. Destiny, however, might have other plans for a few of us, evil plans including witches, Satanists, demons, zombies and even possessed babies. One man, Scary Peter, can’t hide from his destiny anymore. Destiny is coming, and it wants to kill him. Rating: HIGH controversy.
Scary Peter’s Introduction
Where do I begin?
I mean, so much heavy shit has gone down, I don’t even know where to start. You probably won’t even believe most of it. I know I wouldn’t, if I hadn’t gone through it myself. Heck, I’d be standing right there next to you calling ‘bullshit’ on the whole thing. But it really happened, man. It happened to me.
To hell and back, that’s where I’ve gone, and probably where I’m headed to as well. It’s like something bad got a hold of me, and it’s dragging me all over the place like I’m a chunk of meat stuck in the teeth of some big-ass dinosaur. And it’s not just a bad thing that has me clamped in its jaws, either, but the most evil and corrupt thing in the universe. I’m watching this thing trampling down on innocents and chomping them up like so many dried twigs. It’s like a roller coaster ride that I can’t get off of. And I’m on this ride all the time, man, even right now that I’m sitting here talking to you.
I know what you’re thinking; that I’m some big and stupid biker that fried up one too many brain cells using speed. I’ve got to tell you, I ain’t never used hard drugs in my life. And as for the jeans and jacket, well, what can I say? The chicks dig it. I’m not talking about the ugly ones with all the scars and the tats, but about the pretty office girls at work. You could say that I’m playing the part of a hardcore biker, but let’s get one thing straight. I ain’t no pussy and I ain’t no bitch. I’m not really a troublemaker either. But if push comes to shove, I’m not the type to run away with my tail between my legs, like some others guys I’ve known.
Except when it comes to the supernatural. Call me a chicken-shit if you want. Let’s see how you react when you have some horned demon gnashing its fangs and dripping saliva right in front of your face, and you’re using all of your strength to keep yourself from becoming its lunch.
That’s part of how I got nicknamed Scary Peter. I run into some scary shit, and when I tell other people about it, they think it is scary, too. People who don’t know my past assume I’m called Scary Peter because I can look intimidating when I’m not even trying, but I don’t know, that’s just my ‘look.’ I’ve heard that a couple of guys call me ‘Scary Peter’ because they claim I get so scared I wet my pants sometimes, although none of these clowns has the balls to say that to my face.
I’ll tell you my stories, but I’m not going all the way back to my early childhood or anything, because there isn’t much to tell from back then. Besides, it’s none of your business. Matter of fact, let me start over a bit, but this time I’ll use what I like to call my ‘friendly approach,’ like when I’m training a new employee or giving a revenue rundown to one of my bosses. You just have to pretend that I’m wearing a long sleeve button shirt and a semi-psychedelic tie, instead of the leather jacket and jeans you see me in now.
(Pauses to snort, and hawks a loogie into a nearby planter.)