The Mark

Rated 3.25/5 based on 4 reviews
People in a small town are getting a black mark on their foreheads. What is it? and What will it do to them?
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Review by: Yllektra V. on May 22, 2011 :
It was quite fun!
I think some of the parts that were a bit unrealistic would be a lot better, had this been longer!
(review of free book)
Review by: Anna Peterson on Dec. 1, 2010 :
Some parts are choppy, but some parts take me right into the story and I forget that I'm reading my brother's paper. Great Job William!
(review of free book)
Review by: Anastacia Knits on Dec. 1, 2010 :
Wonderful, intriguing premise. Some parts could have been written a little clearer, but then again, my grammar stinks. A few things stuck out at me: your daughter is kidnapped, and you cry for hours before you go get help? And they don't believe you, until you show them the hole in the wall? Police would be all over a crime scene (yes, I know this is fantasy, but it's written as realistic fantasy, so let's be consistent). And your daughter gets admitted no problem to the hospital, even though there's a crowd outside and the doctor tells you that they are turning people away? And then you find out your daughter is going to die, and you are completely calm about it? (even though the night before, you cried for hours when she was kidnapped? So dying is OK, but kidnapping is not?) And the doctor "diagnosed" the death? Don't you mean he witnessed the death, or signed off on the death?

And then, the whole thing ends with the guy waking up. Stupid - it's Dallas all over again.
(review of free book)
Review by: Scipio Africanus on Nov. 30, 2010 :
Interesting idea; I was intrigued by the subject matter and the plot of your story. I would encourage you to keep working on this story. A few things to think about 1. Read your story out loud to make sure it flows well. 2. Show, don't tell. In other words, use descriptive words and adjectives to make the reader see your story - don't just tell what happened. Try to make sure that your adjectives and verbs, all your words in fact, match the mood of your story.

Overall some very good work here and I am looking forward to seeing more of your writing in the future.
(review of free book)
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