on May 26, 2013 :
The basic plot of this one is okay, but the writing is a bit of a mish-mash. As it concerns a blind girl hoping to get her eyesight restored, this could have been a much stronger, emotional tale told entirely from Alison's point of view; descriptions could have relied entirely on sounds, smells, touch in order for the reader to better experience the ordeal Alison is going through, but instead the story opts for a much weaker and less satisfying omniscient point of view. Character descriptions rigidly adhere to a person's height and hair colour.
Some moments are confusing. Does a person who has just had a terrible fright, and has adrenalin rushing through them, feel the inclination to yawn? And how can a person who has been blind for some time, has a bandage over her eyes and has her eyes closed think it's too dark? That just didn't make sense to me.
The doctor's relationship to the killer was unexpected - but also completely superfluous, as nothing is then made of this connection.
As for Alison, the main character, it would have been nice to learn a little more about her. Why did she need the op in the first place? Where were the rest of her family at such an important time in her life?
The writer talks of wanting to make money from his hobby. I can see a lot of potential, but also a lot of flaws that are common to the works of untrained writers. Without wanting to come across as patronising, I'd strongly suggest doing what any writer who is serious considering selling his work does, buy a book or two about how to write fiction. There are lots of good ones on the market and their advice is essential. If a writer is too lazy or stubborn to learn the craft properly, then they really shouldn't expect anybody to pay for their work.
(review of free book)