The main character is a man in his mid years who had a traumatic dysfunctional childhood exacerbated by one particular bully. That was thirty years ago and Nathan Huffnagle never got over it but allowed the events to color and stifle every day of his life. As he approaches his forty-fifth birthday he reaches a decision that life just isn’t worth it and suicide becomes his plan. He writes a journal, not just a note, explaining why he has decided on this action.
The story is told as Nathan lies in the hospital. He is still alive having really botched his own suicide. Heavily medicated the lines between hallucination and reality, present and past are totally blurred. The author pulls the reader through the jumbled mix of painful memories and the visitors that come to see Nathan: Death angels urging him to find his truth and pivotal people in his life that he must come to terms with.
It is a painful but thought provoking book to read. Nathan’s life drips with the burn of old emotional wounds that have never healed. The author vividly demonstrates the confusion the medication and physical trauma has to Nathan’s thoughts which sometimes resemble puzzle pieces dumped out of a box. Nathan sorts through them putting order and meaning to the events of past and present.
You can’t read this book and be unaffected as you invariably examine your own perspectives.
(reviewed 15 days after purchase)