Very new to writing but enjoy it, looking to improve with each story I write. All my ebooks will be free as I do it for an hobby. Please feel free to review my eBooks as this can only help me improve as a writer.
on June 25, 2013 :
Hi Sean. I see from your profile that you are new to writing and looking to improve with each story you write. That's good, and I hope you will take my advice as sincere and not take it too much to heart.
You really really need to brush up on your punctuation. Too many sentences in your story just flowed into one another, and important things like question marks and capital letters were missing. This made your story far more difficult to read than should have been the case, and will put readers off your work immediately.
Your story didn't describe what anything looked like - the people, the places... It repeatedly used the term word countryside as though that was sufficient, but there are lots of different types of countryside! (And if the two backpackers are in a pub that is a few miles into the countryside, why would somebody ask them if they are going into the countryside if they are already there?)
Your story idea was good though, with a nice ending.
If you're determined to improve, then invest in a book on how to write fiction, there are many excellent ones available on the market. I don't say this as a slight on your ability, it is advice I would give to any aspiring writer and yes, I've bought several myself over the years. The other piece of advice I would give is to read as much fiction as you can. Learn from the masters, learn how they tackle their ideas, learn to broaden your vocabulary. Good writing is not just telling a good story, it's telling that story in the most interesting way possible.
(review of free book)