50 Shades of Gray Matter
Zombies everywhere, Hal is suddenly bitten by his now-infected girlfriend. So much for love.
Rather than turn undead, he’s going to end it: overdosing on pain meds.
Instead he gets a hold of ED medication (common mistake, surely).
Turns out, diverting that wee bit of blood prevents zombification, imbuing Hal with zombie-like abilities.
Can he & his new companions now prevent the zombie take over? More
As Hal drives home from his entry level Graphic Designer job, weaving slowly through traffic which the growing zombie commuter population make worse every day, he decides: Why go to work for one more day if, inevitably, waiting in line at the Cinnabon or whatever, I'll suffer the whole "rahrr!" crunch! thing from some wandering gimp?
Coming home to tell his lovely girlfriend about this decision, she greets him with a kiss (well...) and gets him infected, like herself, with the Zombie Bird Flu.
He's seen what becoming a citizen of the Nation of the Undead looks like: Poor hygiene, limited vocabulary, and affinity for 24-7 interstate driving.
Who wants that?
So, Hal stumbles over to a nearby pharmacy, breaks in, finds the locked up stash of prescription pain medication and gobbles down a handful in hopes of slipping off into the sweet slumber of non-zombie death.
But, it hadn't been pain meds he'd swallowed. It was Erectile Dysfunction medicine.
And, funny that-- it turns out that tiny amount of blood (just being honest) diverted from the brain is just enough to keep the Full Zombie effects at bay. Hal is now a creature inches away from zombie-- Near Zombie.
So, through an odd collections of mistakes, missteps, and total cock ups, Hal (imbued with odd, Near Zombie abilities) sets out to Save Mankind from the Zombie Horde Even Those Who Don't Deserve It.
In truth, it won't likely go very well