Rated 3.00/5 based on 2 reviews
Marvin is fascinated with the stories his Grand Father has told him. Stories about a reptilian like creature resembling a Snake allegedly living in the Cave on the mountain. More
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Words: 1,900
Language: American English
ISBN: 9781301290611
About William Case

I live in the beautiful state of West Virginia. I have been a writer for about 25 years but had never had a book published until about 3 years ago.
I write mostly poetry, and am currently working on a couple Trivia Books and short stories.
I am a big fan of Sci-Fi, Horror and some Mystry / Detective and even some Fiction.
Some of the Authors I read are Steven King, Wes Craven, James Patterson, and Lee Child.


Review by: Michael Carter on Aug. 29, 2013 :
Firstly; good cover, simple and striking, I liked it.

Unfortunately, I wasn't as keen on the story, but urge readers to take a look at it anyway, to make up their own minds.

This review then is really just for the authors attention, in a hope that constructive criticism might help him improve. To people who haven't read the story, this review contains SPOILERS.

The idea itself, strange snake creature in a cave, is fine, great, no problem with that. I liked also the mention of a long history of oral legends of the thing, and how it would be cool if a TV investigation show came to town to take a look. Perhaps if the story had gone down this route, it might have been more interesting.

Let's be honest, the writing's not great, all over the place. Odd Capital Letters all over the place put me off, as did the all-over-the-place narrative. The detailed description of the truck drive and of the layout of the lumber-yard is just not necessary and it confuses the reader and diverts attention from the story. Neither do you really need the detail about the guy's friend fancying his sister; this is an okay bit of detail, but because it's not picked up on or expanded on in any way, it's all irrelevant to the story. You could have used those words to describe some of the past encounters with the creature; instead of just going to a lumber-yard, your characters could have gone to the cave and done their own investigation, like on the TV.

Your ending; 'it was a dream' was getting a bit overused a century ago, but never mind, it's overused because it's a classic ending and can still have legs if done well. What the problem was, is that the waking from the dream, the realisation that it WAS a dream, WAS your ending. There was no need to describe the entirely-normal journey back home again; doing this makes your story dribble to the finish, instead of ending on a punch.

Don't take this review to heart and curse my name, it's meant as advice. I know it sounds pretentious and like a school-teacher, but I'd really like to see this story again, maybe taking on board the advice from these reviews here.

Anyway, thanks for sharing, and I'll look out for more things in the future.
(review of free book)

Review by: Jonathan Antony Strickland on Aug. 27, 2013 :
The story for me was too over-descriptive in places and although it is short it still seemed to take far too long to arrive anywhere. The truck ride for example, I found reading about left and right turns and long descriptions of scenery a bit overly long and dull.

The story also seemed a little odd to me as the tale begins with our lead character knowing of the creature. Then for some unknown reason while on a trip the creature appears. The whole thing for me was a bit clumsy.

However, with this being the authors first outing here on smashwords i'll give the story 3 stars. I encourage others to read it and leave there opinions in a review, as my judgement is but one opinion.
(review of free book)

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