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I was once asked…
“What is the hardest thing about being a mother?”
I told her not being one…
I have lived every parent’s worst fear twice, and learned to live with joy again.
My first child died suddenly in a car accident, and my fourth child died eight years later from cancer.
I was born in the desert of Arizona, but grew up in the mountains of the Pacific Northwest. Becoming an Author was not planned; it just came about as I went down my life path. I thought I was going to work in the local bank, have a couple of kids, and enjoy raising my family.
~It was a simple dream that never quite became my reality~
Love & Courage was born from my pain, but written in love. I am sharing a part of myself with everyone who reads this book. I hope this will bring about a better understanding of the pain and emotions that a family endures in the death of a child or loved one. My family and friends were all a huge part of my healing from Terry’s death, and with their love I was able to climb out of the darkness of depression, only to fall right back in when Brandon died. He had cancer. It was ugly.
I was once again struggling to become bigger than my own pain.
I chose to name the book “Becoming Bigger Than Our Pain” because truly it is not just my pain, or your pain, or their pain, it is OUR pain. And to work through the grief, one must become bigger.
The pain will always be there, but with MUCH LOVE, and GREAT COURAGE, we can truly...
BECOME BIGGER THAN OUR PAIN
And learn to live life again in our new tougher skin.
Why did I write this book?
In Brandon’s journey through cancer, and in his death, I was given the gift of love. Some people came into my life, who shared their love, and brought me a little bit of sunshine when I desperately needed it. It is to them that I dedicate this book, especially the Spokane Chapter of the Candlelighters, and Make-A-Wish Foundation of Washington State. I share my love with them as they share their love with others.
The first printing of this book was 20 years ago, in 1989. It was written by hand, and then typed with a typewriter, long before laptops and PC’s. The manuscript was stored on the first type of “flimsy” that current computers cannot read. So I had to retype the entire manuscript into an electronic format, which was a huge emotional project. I asked a friend to type the parts that I was not editing or adding, to help shorten my time spent in the painful world I write about. I have kept the pages the same only making some parts of Brandon’s story flow better, and kept most of the hand drawn artwork the same. I have been asked if I would write the same book today, and I know I would not. I would try to soften the book; to ease the pain the reader may feel themselves in reading the book. What I did do, was to add some of the letters I received from readers and poems for solace.
With this new edition of Love and Courage now titled
~Becoming Bigger Than Our Pain ~
I send hope, compassion, and gentle guidance to others and pay the love forward.