No Tears For Jack
Zelda, the mysterious Psychic Queen of Cricket Falls, Colorado, has been missing for over thirty years. After Jack Lamont has a chance encounter with Zelda, she warns him he must align his emotional age with his biological age or he's doomed. Jack, a confirmed bachelor for reasons he would rather not discuss, believes the thin elderly woman is a charlatan who wants to relieve him of his money. More
Jack Lamont is a thirty-four-year-old bachelor who blew his chance to get married ten years earlier. After his boss orders him to get a psychic reading for an upcoming television segment, Jack intentionally locates a palm reader and psychic advisor his boss would never find. The psychic takes one look at his palm and warns him he must align his emotional age with his biological age or he's doomed.
He has no reason to believe the thin elderly woman is anything but a charlatan out to relieve him of his money, and he refuses to pay more to learn the details of her vision. But a day later when one of Zelda's predictions come true, Jack is desperate to find the palm reader again. Good luck with that. The Psychic Queen of Cricket Falls mysteriously disappeared over thirty years earlier and would be 128 years old, if still alive.
Desperate to save himself from a premature death, Jack turns to a bartender for help. Unfortunately, the cocktail meister's plan to save Jack involves marriage, or more accurately, a pretend marriage. Mike, the bartender, convinces Jack he must advertise on the Internet for a pretend wife, who has kids, the main ingredients necessary for gaining emotional alignment, in less than a year.
Across the country, Mary, a thirty-six-year-old widow with children, is struggling to pay her bills, and has been evicted from her home. She responds to an ad on the Internet for a pretend family. As long as the relationship remains platonic she is willing to help. At least she'll have a place for her and her kids to live, and, if the guy does die within the year, as predicted by a psychic, she and her kids will get the man's house.
But what happens if Jack lives? Unlikely to be of any concern since Zelda is six for six in accurately predicting her client's demise. But then again, anything can happen in this humorous fairy tale.