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Ervin K. Kery
(consciousness researcher, writer, publisher)
What is the nature of the human soul, the human spirit? Why do we think the way we actually do? How our habits and roles evolve? What are we, beyond our roles? What is the mysterious Life that lives in me, and experiences the world through me?
I have long been fascinated by the secret of human existence, the mystery of human soul/spirit. There has to be something that is beyond social roles and programming. There has to be a ”foundation,” which lives in me as life, and to which learnt and acquired thoughts and habits, the programmed patterns–the personality–are attached. Psychology, still not a full-fledged science, only studies the conditioned patterns of behavior, that is, the Ego (it is therefore possible to refer to it as the science of the Ego), but it does not address the issues that precede the emergence of the Ego, not does it deal with whatever is beyond the Ego. What is the eternal factor that follows us from our birth to our death, no matter what a mature and powerful personality we believe we have?
I have been enthusiastically and anxiously studying the human consciousness for over twenty years, experimenting with various methods of meditation, hoping that in this way I would finally understand myself and the world completely. This understanding, however, did not come easily.
Then something extraordinary happened. When I was deep in my adulthood, a critical period came in my life; everything I had believed in, collapsed. Mulling over the past and the dark visions of the future brought about a lot of suffering, and when I was no longer able to face the internal hell, there was nothing to be done, and I gave up the fight. I was not able to carry the burden of my sufferings any longer. At that time, something mysterious took place, and it shattered all my former ideas about myself and the world. When I finally released all that had been previously, I was able to get over the heavy prison of my personality, and for hours I felt some incredible inner peace, and a curious ”something” was contemplating the miraculous external world through me. After a while, however, the tormenting thoughts and the suffering returned.
This experience changed me drastically. From that time on, I have focused all my attention to learn what that exceptional experience was, and how it is possible to make that experience constant. In the course of my research I found that the most elementary method of all spiritual disciplines is monitoring the Consciousness living in us. That is what meditation is for, the profound prayer of monks, and the practice of transpersonal psychology. I therefore began to concentrate on the Consciousness inside me.
At that time we purchased a farmhouse in the country, far from the noise of the external world, so I retreated there from Budapest in order to abandon myself into observing my own inner world. I persisted in turning inward: I watched my bodily sensations, my emotions and thoughts and also the actor that senses all these: the Consciousness. As I concentrated my conscious attention on myself, I began to believe my own thoughts, emotions and convictions, and started to wake up from the dream world of dogmas. I woke up, then I woke up again, through a series of awakenings, each time into a more spacious world and a larger image of the world, until what had previously happened spontaneously, took place again.
After a few years of practice, the state of observing Consciousness became permanent. In this period I have made several astonishing discoveries about our real Self and the nature of the world.