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WINNER OF THE 2014 UK PEOPLE'S BOOK PRIZE
Billy Bob Buttons is from Earth, the third planet from the sun in a small galaxy called the Milky Way. Subsequently, he is called 'Earthling'. He is 'normal' in many ways - for example, he enjoys chocolate. Note, any earthling suspected of not liking chocolate cannot be trusted and must be exterminated.
Having observed this human from our ship, the following has been noted: He is 14,235 earth days old and plays a sport called 'tennis' a lot, in which he hits a fuzzy green ball over a net and shouts, 'Love 15'. Note, who are the 15? And why is he in love with them? He is also very popular and has 7,745,121 friends. They all live together in a place called 'London'.
He has two matching baby earthlings called, 'No! No! Stop chewing on that electric cable!' and, 'There's no way she needs a nappy change! Is there?!' He also has a mate called 'Sorry, Darling' who seems vastly more intelligent and is the ruler of the dwelling. Finally, he spends lots of earth hours thumping two fingers on the keys of a primitive computer.
To conclude, the specimen must be kidnapped, probed and tested.