Deleted Memories

Rated 3.00/5 based on 3 reviews
Detective Constable Lyttle's life is turned upside down when he comes across a killers' confession. What began as a seemingly uneventful evening soon turns into a fight between life and death. Will justice be served or will it all go up in flames?
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Words: 3,050
Language: English
ISBN: 9781311078285
About Alexandra Mosko

Nice to meet you fellow authors and avid readers! I am new to the self publishing club and I am still very much in the process of learning. With this in mind, if you do choose to leave feedback for me I only ask it is done in a constructive way. Your opinions and thoughts really do matter...it is for you that I write! I really hope you find something in my works that you like or can relate to. :) thanks for reading.

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Reviews

Review by: jen1223 on Jan. 27, 2014 :
Hi

I'm not sure what qualifications Patrick Jane has, but I think the book is really good for a first time author! For your first book the blurb is gripping, the opening statement at the bottom of the book is enticing.
Secondly your book is centred around the killers confession and the how the dective deals with it. Cronological and flows. I couldn't find any rules that the hook had to be on the first page, but any way.
I loved the back stories, it gave a sense of depth to the characters, also the humility and understanding of the police in a nerve racking situation gripped me.
I support everything your doing, and your incredibly brave to publish a book, especially when people rip it apart. Keep going I will be an avid fan, love your writing style!
(review of free book)

Review by: Patrick Jane on Jan. 23, 2014 : (no rating)
Hello,

I read your story and gave it a nasty one star review not because I want to discourage you as a writer but because there are several obvious problems with your story.

They are as follows:-

1. Your story does not provide the “hook” {introduction of the confession of the killer} till the fourth page, which is the half of the story. The hook must be on the first page.

2. There are several non-interesting back-stories of the characters such as circumstances of Simon’s inclusion into the force, Adam getting taunts for babysitting and then Simon proving himself useful etc. These back stories make your story boring and since this is a short story there is no place for back-stories in it. If it were a novel, it would have been alright.

3. Your characters are unbelievable. Your main characters who are supposed to be cops act like chicken when a killer shows up at their doorsteps. Most of the cops are brave because they have guns and training in handling scum. Taking care of thugs, gangsters and killers is a part of their daily routine. They are not going to be intimidated by a single crazy man at their doorstep specially when there are two of them.

Moreover, it is highly unlikely that a serial killer would like to draw the attention of a cop therefore showing up at the cop’s house to intimidate him seem to be far-fetched. Think like the killer.

What your story needs is a rewrite. You can open the story with the confession of the killer and then establish that Adam and Simon are watching it on the laptop. Change Adam and Simon from cops to journalists or lawyers etc anyone who is not trained to maintain law and order. Then the serial killer showing up at the doorstep would be feasible.

The idea of your story is right but the setting and presentation is wrong. Although, I strongly believe that you have the talent to improve your story and once you have done it, I would humbly retract my current review of your book.

I did now want to post all of this at Smashwords under the review of your book because somehow it did not feel right but you leave me no choice by not mentioning any web address where I could contact you.

I hope I have not offended you or your intelligence in any way and if I did, I apologize. Best of luck with your writing career.

Sincerely Yours,
Patrick Jane
(review of free book)

Review by: Jeff McDargh on Jan. 23, 2014 :
I enjoyed your store, thank you. Do not listen to people like Patrick Jane.
A one word review isn't constructive and as a fellow author he should be ashamed.
If you haven't, check out First Mistakes by David Blake, especially the first part.
It can be found here at Smashwords. Keep writing.
(review of free book)

Review by: Patrick Jane on Jan. 22, 2014 :
Superficial.
(review of free book)

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