999 Bees in My Bonnet: A Collection of Irritating Irritants

Rated 5.00/5 based on 17 reviews
Bill Linden's been a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king (not to mention gag writer for major comic strips and Chicago Sun Times art director!). His many adventures have taught him a lot—about what drives him nuts! Whether it's the double-crossing staff at Traitor Joe’s, reptile dysfunction, "Northern" fried chicken, or seven-year jock itch, Bill's got a gripe to crack you up. More

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About Bill Linden

Bill's occupations in previous lives include being a bitter and disillusioned graphic designer/art director for the Chicago Sun-Times, a bitter and disillusioned Hollywood screenwriter and a bitter and disillusioned gag writer for major comic strips. Bill's been a pirate, a poet, a pawn and a king. Bill's been up and down and over and out, but he knows one thing—each time he finds himself flat on his face, Bill picks himself up and gets back in the race.

When not writing gags, photographing Chicago or being bitter and disillusioned, Bill finds his charity work with the elderly quite rewarding. Once a week he takes his dear, feeble, white-haired mother, Josephine, to Denny's for a "Moons Over My Hammy".

Bill has no vices. His hobbies include smoking, drinking and Facebooking 24/7.

Bill lives way beyond his means with his current sexy redheaded missus, Karen, in a fancy-but- not-schmancy downtown Chicago hi-rise run by Hitler's Youth.

Bill lives by the motto, "If you can't beat 'em, mock 'em, then ridicule 'em on the Facebook Social Media Network until they unfriend and block you."

Read Bill Linden's Smashwords Interview
Learn more about Bill Linden

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tpeigh reviewed on on March 28, 2014

Ok. Where do i send 50 bucks....for that's what this book is really worth. Yes, it's very , very funny...and will surely brighten your day. Now i have to wait for the sequel. Well done, Mr. Bill. 6 Stars
(reviewed 2 days after purchase)
Dave Hoekstra reviewed on on March 24, 2014

This book floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee.
And it is funnier than Twitter to me.
A landmark work from Chicago's Champion of Fun.
(reviewed the day of purchase)
nanci obrien reviewed on on March 24, 2014

WOW! What a hoot. It's not often a book can deliver so many laughs. In the future whenever I'm sad or need a lift this will be my go-to book! LUV LUV LUV it!
(reviewed 5 days after purchase)
Boyd McDowell reviewed on on March 24, 2014

Do you need a laugh? A couple laughs? How about 999 laughs? That's what you'll get when you read this gem by Chicago's funnyman. Don't put a bee in my bonnet by failing to purchase this book. It's a gem that just keeps on sparkling!
(reviewed 4 days after purchase)
Elaine Soloway reviewed on on March 24, 2014

I'm grateful to have a coffee table companion -- I lie, it's on my Kindle app -- that I can turn to when it's been a hard day. Bill Linden's new comic book, sans images, has me chuckling and nodding my head in agreement. Witty, sardonic, but actually, on target in many cases, Bill's 999 observations are delightful zingers that require memorizing -- stealing -- and repeating. Great buy at $4.99!
(reviewed 5 days after purchase)
NanciB reviewed on on March 23, 2014
(no rating)
Funny stuff from Chicago's funniest guy. 999 laughs for only $4.95 - it's an un-bee-lievable deal!
(reviewed the day of purchase)
Christopher Reulbach reviewed on on March 23, 2014

I am halfway through and had to stop because my sides are aching from laughing. Mr. Bill® has done it again... and again... and again... (add 996 more "and agains" to this). Chris
(reviewed the day of purchase)
Al reviewed on on March 23, 2014

Brilliant. This should be required reading for higher education or anyone wishing to become a US citizen.

I laughed until I cried, and wet myself just a little.
(reviewed the day of purchase)
BrandiMcKoy reviewed on on March 23, 2014

Funny guy writes funny book!!!! There really is not much better! You are an amazing inspiration for all of and I am proud to be your almost 40 year young daughter! Oh...but just one thing....a Smooches is a boy! How about #1,000: when people refer to your grand-dog Smooches as a girl! :-)
(reviewed 5 days after purchase)
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