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Laurian is a fairly amiable individual with a talented and beautiful wife, a litter of brilliant children and a house payment. There are animals on the property as well. Lots and lots of animals. And they all have names so, they probably will never be eaten. By Laurian, anyway.
He once faked his own attempted kidnapping when he was 9 years old, simply to get out of taking the kitchen garbage to the dumpster. So, you can just imagine the kind of things with which his wife must deal.