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Michael Makai is the author of the Amazon best-seller, Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook, and The BDSM Coloring Book: An Activity Book for Kinksters with Crayons. Michael has been a lifestyle Dominant for 37 years, a behind-the-scenes mentor and educator on BDSM and D/s for decades, and has been active in dozens of fetish lifestyle organizations in Europe and the U.S. Michael believes that the key to understanding the lifestyle and the people in it is to be able to recognize the very distinct differences between BDSM, which is something you do, and D/s, which is a relationship dynamic.
He is a full-time author, public speaker, and BDSM educator who travels extensively for book signings and to present workshops and demonstrations on the BDSM lifestyle and techniques.
Michael is a combat veteran and a retired senior Army noncommissioned officer with over 20 years of active military service. He has worked as a marketing consultant, banker, freelance writer, magazine publisher, and internet broadband service provider. He is an incorrigible word-maker-upperer who enjoys skiing, traveling, playing Scrabble, and raising koi. He currently resides near Wichita Falls, Texas.
on May 18, 2015 :
There is a best selling 2007 M/s book that spends an entire chapter talking about how the author likes his submissives to arrange his dinner parties. Thankfully, this is absolutely nothing like that book.
From the get-go, Michael Makai examines the question of whether Dominance & submission (D/s) is who we are, or something that we do. He distinguishes D/s (what happens in your head and heart, how you love and how you express that love) from BDSM (what physically happens between you and your partner or playmates). For many people these overlap, and for some people they don’t, but it gives the book a clear way to separate the two things, and there are chapters in the book that cover both.
Domination & Submission: The BDSM Relationship Handbook is a good-humoured look at who we are, what we do, and why we do it. He dedicates it to “the people who are simply tired of pretending to be something or someone they are not, and are ready for a change”, but he never talks down, and even experienced people in “the lifestyle” are going to find chapters in here that are interesting and expand the horizons.
After looking in detail at different types of dominants, submissives, switches and primals (and how you might tell where you best fit in the spectrum), he gets into some hot-button issues like Gorean culture, polyamory, power exchange, consent, groups, online relationships and religion. Threaded throughout, there’s a wealth of information on forming and keeping D/s relationships (as the title suggests), and a lot of solid information on scenes, toys, fetishes and the things we do.
Along with all the factual information, there are charming asides and personal stories. One of my favourites is the story of a long roadtrip Michael did with his father. With nothing better to do while crossing two states in a car, he took the opportunity to “come out” to his Dad and explain the (D/s and poly) lifestyle he was leading. “Sex slaves?” his Dad asked. “You’re telling me you have sex slaves?”. It’s a hilarious retelling of the story of how he tries to stay reasonable and objective as his hard-of-hearing Dad becomes fixated on the fact that he has “sex slaves”.
At 496 pages, you won’t read this in one sitting, but it’s so well written that it kept me coming back for more and I did read it over the course of a weekend. The writing was so good that I even read the parts I thought I wouldn’t be interested in.
Covering everything from first meetings to breakups, it lives up to its title as a relationship handbook. I wouldn’t use the word “objective” in describing the content, because Michael’s personality shines throughout, but I’ve been involved in discussions on many of the topics covered in this book and I’d certainly call it balanced, well researched, sane and solid. There’s no bad information in here, it’s content you can rely on. It’ll be a welcome addition to your library and I’ll go as far as saying that if you’re looking for a good first book for that library, it would be an ideal place to start.
(reviewed 50 days after purchase)
on March 27, 2015 :
The author actually contacted me personally and gave me a coupon for this book. I would have paid full price! This is an incredibly valuable reference source for so many different aspects of the D/s BDSM communities, and particularly as a beginner it had really helped me to stretch my mind around some new ideas. It gave me a lot of hope for figuring out my place in this lifestyle!
(reviewed 13 days after purchase)
on Jan. 20, 2015 :
I just finished this book not too long ago and just now have been able to write a reveiw here. It is one of the best books I have ever read. Mr. Makai delivers a wealth of knowledge based on experience and research and his continued growth. From the moment I opened this book I was hooked. I have never been hooked on a book with such intensity before. I am new to the lifestyle and have learned so much from this guide. A lot about personal growth, exploration of who and what I am. Learning to give and let go, Mr. Makai delivers it all. He gives personal experiences with his input on topics. His "two cents" on things usually cracks me up. I shared with him through this book, fits of laughter, tears, heartache and honesty. I have learned so much about who I am and who I strive to be. I am so glad I've had the opportunity to read this. Very well written and with so much pull that you don't want to set it down. I finished this book in 3 days. I have just recently finished his Q62 book also. Highly HIGHLY recommend this book to anyone that is new into the lifestyle as I am.
(reviewed 29 days after purchase)
on Sep. 19, 2014 :
If you're someone looking to enter the lifestyle, want to learn about it, or even to "brush" up on the relationships between a Dominant and submissive, this is the book to read. I've read several books on the subject, as both a writer of this type of fiction, but also as a newly admitted Dominant. It's a great book and I definitely give it 5 stars. I read it twice and will definitely keep it as a reference. The book is written with the male being Dominant and the female being submissive, but that is not always the case and it recognizes it. It basically uses that relationship as a generic "gender" basis for the book. Loved it and
recommend it to anyone interested.
(reviewed 2 days after purchase)