This is a pretty enjoyable read overall, but I do have some things I ought to point out. For starters, I think the cover image could've been done a lot better, and it doesn't take a second glance to see that it was put together by the author themselves. No matter how long or short a book is, having a well-made cover image is absolutely critical; people who are much better writers than I am could tell you that. There's really no reason not to have a decent cover image when one can be made for you on Fiverr for five or ten dollars.
Another thing is the ending. The aspect of it that I don't like is the fact that Lori and Derek discuss marriage when they've basically only known each other for only few months prior to this encounter—and only just admitted their attraction for one another. The way they act like they already love each other at the end felt far too sudden within the timeframe of this story.
One other thing that's kind of hit-and-miss for me is the dialogue. It feels somewhat rigid at times when Lori is talking. The background descriptions of her feelings clearly show attraction, but her words at times seem to tell otherwise. As an example, the speech that begins with "I don't panic when you …" strikes me as a very caustic thing for her to say. I can appreciate that it's extremely difficult to make dialogue that's convincing and that conveys the emotions intended, but I definitely think some of Lori's lines could be modified or augmented. For Derek, funny enough, the situation is kind of the opposite: I glean more emotion from the things he says, but his background, in terms of his attraction to Lori, is uncertain. In the beginning, it's told that, when he hired Lori to be his secretary, he made it clear that he had no interest in a personal relationship. When and how did that change? I even made sure to scan through the story a second time to make sure I wasn't forgetting a detail whilst writing this, and I still couldn't find any real explanation.
I know it may sound like I have far too many criticisms here, but the bottom line is simple: This is still a very nice and sweet short story that manages to fit a good deal of substance into a short amount of space. The background development of the characters, in particular, is undeniably well done. The things I point out are just blemishes in an otherwise fine story, and although I can definitely see some things changing, I do like this one a lot.
(review of free book)