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Alan Edwards majored in English at the University of Florida for approximately four weeks, until the endless daily grind of non-stop investigations into whether every single mention of a long straight object was nothing more than a phallic symbol made him quickly realize that he would never make it through to actually get a less-than-useful English degree. He determinedly became a drunkard and dropout afterwards.
Later, he learned the fine art of bookkeeping, decided he enjoyed it, and eventually went back to school, this time for an Accounting degree, which he was able to complete while working full-time and attending night classes for the simple reason that there was no discussion of phallic symbols.
Becoming a stalwart and valiant accountant, he set the world afire with the speed of his T-accounts, the precision of his reconciliations, and uncanny way of balancing debits and credits. By night, he dazzled and amazed all and sundry by reading, playing computer and console games as well as tabletop role-playing games, watching TV, and playing with his dogs.
Nearly all of his time is spent with his lovely wife and companion Lisa, whose patience and love quite seriously carries him through the tribulations of life.