Refuse

Rated 4.56/5 based on 9 reviews
Dean, a 22-year old female-to-male-transsexual, is no LGBT poster boy. Unemployed, depressed, mid-transition, friendless, and still living in the upstairs bedroom of his parents’ house, he can think of little to do but write his memoir. In the third person, he tells the tale of his would-be love affair with his college roommate, Colin, another trans man with a girlfriend and a successful band. More

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About Elliott DeLine

For A Limited Time, Popular Transgender Novels For Free or By Donation!
In honor of abused and financially oppressed trans adults, teens, and children.

When I first published my book Refuse, I made it free or by donation. I was glad I did this, because it enabled lots of trans readers to take a risk on the book that they couldn’t afford otherwise.

Since then however, this has become my only source of income. And for it to be sustainable, I need to charge for my work.

Tonight I got a message from person asking if there was anywhere they could get my books for free or other books about FTMs. For a moment, I was actually slightly annoyed. I’ve gotten jaded, because people never seem to want to pay writers. Especially oppressed writers. But assuming the best, I offered to email them a free copy, and hey, maybe if they liked it they would return the favor and donate to my patreon or something. Or just tell a friend about my book.

They thanked me, but explained that they could not receive an emailed PDF of the book, because their parents check their email, and they would be in huge trouble.

Oh my god…that broke my heart and enraged me. I dealt with that shit. It’s emotional abuse. And that’s when I needed art to relate to the most.

So kudos to this person for asking me. I often ask conferences and bookfairs if they have discounted price for low income people. There’s no shame in wanting to be paid for your work. But there’s no shame in asking for something you want/need/deserve and can’t otherwise afford.

So, in that reader’s honor, and all my other readers or future readers who have been abused by family and financially trapped, ebook versions of my books are “you pick the price” again, for a limited time. Please give whatever you can, but don’t feel bad if you want it and can’t/don’t feel comfortable paying. I won’t know who it was, and I’ll be happy just to see a download.

Paperback copies are still available at elliottdeline.com :)

Thanks everyone. Please share widely!

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Reviews

Review by: Quiet Riot Girl on Nov. 29, 2011 :
Titles are hard and Refuse is a brilliant title!

I was completely immersed in the life of the lead character from the start of the story. The prose reminded me of Quentin Crisp, particularly the searing honesty and grim humour.

Despite the dark theme of a turbulent coming of age, there were also some laugh out loud moments of funniness.

My favourite scene - without giving too much away - was the trans support group and the appearance by the elusive figure of 'Hunter'.

A brilliant debut. More please!
(reviewed the day of purchase)

Review by: Alex Marshall on Oct. 01, 2011 :
I loved this book. It's wonderful. I don't really have anything else to say about it, but I would definitely recommend it to ftms, non-binaries, loners, and anyone who wants to know more about an ftm perspective.
Heartbreaking, beautiful and relatable. What else could you want in a book?
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: skcup on Sep. 28, 2011 :
I read this book because I wanted to find an ftm narrative that expressed some of my experience (feeling out of place in many ftm spaces, identifying as gay ftm) but, unfortunately, I would not recommend this story. It was sort of painful to read - the author's sadness was palpable but the stereotyped characters and maudlin/melodramatic plot twists were just too over the top for me. I think it worth noting the commitment required to finish a novel of any quality but I hope maturity and perspective (and perhaps a good dose of healing and self-love) will really improve this writer's ability and style.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Nate Russell on Sep. 15, 2011 :
This was a great read. It was insightful and funny as well as thought provoking and sad. It is not just another trans memoir, it is a truly engaging story, a wonderful addition to the trans library. Actually, it has a broader appeal than that, it is a worthy addition to any library!
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Blake Haley on Aug. 26, 2011 : (no rating)
Really related to this story. My favorite part was probably the amount of peter pan references. It was very difficult to put down, even though I was reading it during work, so I had to put it down frequently :(
I loved it and recommended it to all of my friends.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Lissa on Aug. 13, 2011 :
I knew by the end of the first page that I was going to fall in love with this story. After about an hour of reading I'd started to get a headache from staring at the computer screen, but I just kept going until I was through. The characters continued to surprise me until the end as I smiled, laughed, and cried along with Dean's experiences. Through the tragedy, anger, and cynicism, DeLine gives us a very real story about love, growth, and redemption for ourselves and others. Have a feeling that I will (print it out and) read it again!
(reviewed the day of purchase)

Review by: igor repute on Aug. 09, 2011 :
great
(reviewed within a week of purchase)

Review by: Sam Cathartes on Aug. 07, 2011 :
A beautiful book. I wish I could write a more poetic review to try and give it justice, but the best I can say is, it really helped me as a trans-man still figuring myself out, and is compelling, thought-provoking, and entertaining as well. A taste of chaotic truth, and good medicine.
(reviewed within a week of purchase)

Review by: D Ren on May 02, 2011 :
-
(reviewed the day of purchase)

Review by: Rusty Shackleford on May 01, 2011 :
This is one of the few books I return to again and again. Genius.
(reviewed the day of purchase)

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