Grundish and Askew

Adult
Rated 4.41/5 based on 17 reviews
Lance Carbuncle's second novel (Reader Views 2009 Literary Awards, First Place, Humor) drags the reader face first through this wild, deranged crime spree of a tale. Open the pages and see what happens when two white trash, trailer park-dwelling, platonic life partners go on a moronic and misdirected crime spree. Relax, enjoy, but don't sit too close or you might get some on you. More

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Words: 82,440
Language: English
ISBN: 9780982280010
About Lance Carbuncle

The Dr. Reverend Lance Carbuncle was born sometime during the last millennium and he’s been getting bigger, older and uglier ever since. Carbuncle is an ordained minister with the Church of Spiritual Humanism. Carbuncle doesn’t eat deviled eggs and he doesn’t drink cheap beer. Carbuncle doesn’t wear sock garters. Carbuncle does tell stories. Carbuncle’s stories are channeled through a pathetic little man who has to work a respectable job during the days in order to feed the infestation of children in his house. Carbuncle's first novel, Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed, and his recently released Grundish and Askew are sold through Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com. More reviews of Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed, and Grundish and Askew can be found on Amazon and Barnesandnoble.com.

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Reviews

Review by: Jason Denness on Jan. 28, 2015 :
Woooooooooooooooooooooo. What an awesome book! Really, really gross, very violent and really really gross.

Grundish is my new favourite character... ever. His relationship with the insane fuckup that is Askew is really moving at times. And just how proud he was over a massive poo he did had me laughing so much I had to take a photo of the page to send a friend, because my wife just didn't understand why it was so funny.

The book is well written and gradually adds more and more pace as the story nears it's conclusion. Lance has also been kind enough to include endnotes, I am always Googling words to see what they mean and luckily he saved me from having DOCKING (you'll have to buy this book now if you want to know what this is hehe) in my search history... so the book gets a point for teaching the reader new stuff. A few times during the book i think the author may have been a wee bit drunk and the characters start attacking the author about his lazy writing style, very funny if not strange.

There is a character in this book that is hinted at being in another so it looks like I need to read previous books to find out more.

If you are up for reading a story that pushes the limits of good taste then definitely give this a go. There is also an audiobook out and I think that would be good fun to listen to.

Looking forward to reading more.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: proofpad on March 31, 2013 :
I don't know if Mr. Lance Carbuncle considers himself a "bizarro" author, but this book definitely fits into the best of that set. One of those few bizarro books that seems completely realistic, doesn't depend on jokes to sell itself and is - for all the sophomoric humor and gory violence - a serious story about serious people.

First off, this is NOT "Thelma and Louise" with men. That's what I thought at first ... but I was so far off-base it's not even funny. This is too much like a Noir (granted, a pre-Hayes Code Noir ... or "unrated exxxtra long" Noir) for something like "Thelma and Louise." And it's no "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" ... I mean, they ride bicycles and sing Burt Bacharach songs. Grundish and Askew would smack them upside their pretty-boy faces and let them in on the real world. A world full of cheap smokes, cheaper beer, and cheapest women.

But a world that is so suffocatingly (I took a lesson from Carbuncle and made up a word there) real, that one can't help but feel for everyone involved. Except the F**kers. There's only hatred for those guys.

And despite the vile (as in gross; not poorly written) details that ooze from the pages (my computer screen needs to be washed now ... it's rather disgusting), the story feels restrained. It's not out to just drown the reader with guts and sperm and blood and snot and fecal matter - not like the worst Troma films - but rather, the bile and such are sprinkled lightly throughout the book ... like one would do cheese on pasta.

All of this work, though, and I still feel a little cold. I'm not sure what I was missing to truly love this book (maybe it's just because I finished Harbor which is up on my top books of all time list ... poor timing), but when I come back to it in a couple of years I'm sure I'll find lots of what I was missing.

I'll just skip the prologue though. I think the story reads better when told linearly instead of in medium rays , as Askew would say.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: proofpad on March 31, 2013 : (no rating)
I don't know if Mr. Lance Carbuncle considers himself a "bizarro" author, but this book definitely fits into the best of that set. One of those few bizarro books that seems completely realistic, doesn't depend on jokes to sell itself and is - for all the sophomoric humor and gory violence - a serious story about serious people.

First off, this is NOT "Thelma and Louise" with men. That's what I thought at first ... but I was so far off-base it's not even funny. This is too much like a Noir (granted, a pre-Hayes Code Noir ... or "unrated exxxtra long" Noir) for something like "Thelma and Louise." And it's no "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" ... I mean, they ride bicycles and sing Burt Bacharach songs. Grundish and Askew would smack them upside their pretty-boy faces and let them in on the real world. A world full of cheap smokes, cheaper beer, and cheapest women.

But a world that is so suffocatingly (I took a lesson from Carbuncle and made up a word there) real, that one can't help but feel for everyone involved. Except the F**kers. There's only hatred for those guys.

And despite the vile (as in gross; not poorly written) details that ooze from the pages (my computer screen needs to be washed now ... it's rather disgusting), the story feels restrained. It's not out to just drown the reader with guts and sperm and blood and snot and fecal matter - not like the worst Troma films - but rather, the bile and such are sprinkled lightly throughout the book ... like one would do cheese on pasta.

All of this work, though, and I still feel a little cold. I'm not sure what I was missing to truly love this book (maybe it's just because I finished Harbor which is up on my top books of all time list ... poor timing), but when I come back to it in a couple of years I'm sure I'll find lots of what I was missing.

I'll just skip the prologue though. I think the story reads better when told linearly instead of in medium rays , as Askew would say.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Elizabeth Miller on July 04, 2012 :
Imagine if Kurt Vonnegut found an unpublished John Steinbeck novel and gave it a rewrite. Then imagine in a drugged out haze Hunter S Thompson found it and rewrote it again, this book is what you would get. Losers Grundish and friend since childhood Leroy Askew can't seem to catch a break. Askew who has never raised his voice as long as Grundish has known him, goes into a killing rampage. Hiding from the law with Askew's Aunt, they get deeper and deeper into trouble. WOW. Greta way to spend an afternoon in the sun.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Igor Jovanovic on March 09, 2012 :
I believe this to be the most EPIC if not the most important book about "Bromance" since "The Lord of the Rings". Mr Carbuncle's writing spread across the pages as smooth as Nutella on a slice of white Dempster's bread. His use of the English language will never be out matched and his knowledge of man speak has set a new bar for all other writers.

But seriously a great fun read. Loved the book thanks giving me a chance to read your writing.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Amy Galletly on March 04, 2012 : (no rating)
Epub/Absurd Humor: First a disclaimer that I got the epub free from the author. That being said, I liked the book. While I didn't find the book laugh out loud funny, I did find it humorous and entertaining. Absurd humor isn't for everyone, mostly because it equals gross and lewd.
This is the story of two friends who are trailer park losers. They are both sociopaths who have no real sympathy for people or other people's property. Grundish could probably make it okay in the world, but unfortunately he met Askew early in life. Askew is one hot mess. He doesn't seem to have any impulse control.
As unlikable as they may seem, I did start to find myself rooting for these two numbskulls. My favorite character was Alf the mule. He had a hard life and I felt sorry for him.
If you like absurd novels, you will love this one. It's like Of Mice and Men, only grosser.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Donald Armfield on Jan. 27, 2012 :
Trailer Park trashy talk. Plans for a better future. A bunch of girls on a yacht no f**kers. Grundish has all the prison ways as his best friend has the loose handle that gets them into more trouble. Its Harold and Kumar as Bonnie and Clyde. With all the white trash antics, cigarettes and fruit cup demands in a bag of donkey luggies that only Lance Carbuncle can dish out. 5 big stars.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Xan Rubey on Jan. 12, 2012 : (no rating)
So much fun for a book about a murderous pair of ne'er do wells. Thoroughly enjoyed the main characters, especially Turleen and their relationship with her. The characters could be crude, crass and disgusting one moment, then touchingly sweet the next. The story itself is is a nail-biter. You think you know what's going to happen and then something completely different happens, right up until the last line of the book. A wonderful read full of wonderful people.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Ann Smith on Dec. 30, 2011 :
When I first read Hunter Thompson's Fear and Loathing, I felt like I was going crazy. Like the drugs and insanity were seeping into my skin from the pages of the book. I would put it down and not be completely sure of where I was, or if I belonged there (a little worrisome when I was supposed to go back to work after lunch...). I have not been affected by a book like that since. Until I read Grundish and Askew. The characters are completely unfamiliar - yet utterly believable. I look forward to reading more of Mr. Carbuncle's work.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: sistahanime on Dec. 04, 2011 :
This book is amazing and not for the faint of heart.

This is the first time I have ever read a dark comedy fiction. I didn't think this book would be able to pull off something like this and boy was I wrong.

This book is balls to the wall, gritty, straight forward, full speed, dark comedy fiction. I am now in love with a new genre. I never thought i would care so much about two characters in my life. They were so in depth and you followed them so closely that you were actually hoping they achieved this simple dream of hookers, weed, and yacht on international seas.

I also loved the part when the book knows its a book. It takes big BIG balls to critique your own novel during your own novel. This author knows what he is doing and does it well. when I have the time and the money I am getting the previous book before this.

Normally for a good book I would give a 4.5 but i give this a full 5. If i could... I would give it a 9. This book keep me intrigued, laughing, and several times my mouth dropped.

I recommend this book to everyone.... except those who are sensitive. No way on earth you are going to make it through this book.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: sistahanime on Dec. 04, 2011 :
This book is amazing and not for the faint of heart.

This is the first time I have ever read a dark comedy fiction. I didn't think this book would be able to pull off something like this and boy was I wrong.

This book is balls to the wall, gritty, straight forward, full speed, dark comedy fiction. I am now in love with a new genre. I never thought i would care so much about two characters in my life. They were so in depth and you followed them so closely that you were actually hoping they achieved this simple dream of hookers, weed, and yacht on international seas.

I also loved the part when the book knows its a book. It takes big BIG balls to critique your own novel during your own novel. This author knows what he is doing and does it well. when I have the time and the money I am getting the previous book before this.

Normally for a good book I would give a 4.5 but i give this a full 5. If i could... I would give it a 9. This book keep me intrigued, laughing, and several times my mouth dropped.

I recommend this book to everyone.... except those who are sensitive. No way on earth you are going to make it through this book.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: mohitgoel on Nov. 07, 2011 :
I received this book as part of the LibraryThing Member giveaway.

The book came with a warning that it is not for faint of heart. I was a little skeptical about reading such a book as I usually don't read such genre but I guess i am a little glad that I did.

There is some serious graphic description of stuff that is better left undescribed. I guess the entire story was kind of worth it but I am not sure I have the stomach for another one of these.

In any case, people who subscribe to such a genre will find it a good read.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Rebecca on Oct. 23, 2011 :
This book was incredibly disturbing, but ended beautifully. It was a fast read, and hard to put down. This is definitely on my list of favorite books. It was worth reading through the graphic parts to get the central meaning of the book. I enjoyed it immensely.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Bill Thibadeau on Sep. 08, 2011 :
This book is about two very dysfunctional brothers with a very strong brotherly relationship. I found the book to be very graphic and unnerving at times. This is not a book for those with sensitive feelings.

However, the story is captivating as are the characters. My favorite character was Turleen and she is a supporting act. The story is a sort of violent Thelma and Louise but much more captivating. The author has written a very compelling story of how bad life can get if there is an occurrence that lets the mind slip a bit out of phase.

I recommend this book for those not faint of heart. It is a good somber read.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Craig Machen on Aug. 07, 2011 :
Was pleasantly surprised by this one. Had no idea what to expect, and it turned out to be quite good. More scatological then I prefer (and to be clear, this book is very scatological), but Lance Carbuncle is likable - and also comically absurd, self-effacing, and fun to read. A good book by a talented and quirky writer.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Shaun abels on July 29, 2011 :
Grundish and Askew will certainly leave you almost at a loss for words; at least that's where i'm at right now. As I try to form an opinion of this little gem of vulgar bromance meets unplanned psycho killing spree I keep chuckling to myself about the Of Mice and Men undertones..."tell me again Grundish. Tell me about the ladies...", and the overall this-should-offend-me-but-it's-actually-really-good quality the book has. The Reverend Carbuncle has created two main characters you can't help but to simultaneously hate, cringe at, and to root for. Like a ugly little dog, you just gotta live them.

Two eternally hopeless ne're-do-wells, Grundish and Askew have absolutely nothing going for them in life with the promise of nothing special to come. They live their hopeless lives semi-happily in a trailer park for societal rejects and they attempt to go about their day trying not to tell the man to stick it, all in the hopes of keeping their lame ass jobs and staying out of jail. All is well until one sunny afternoon when Grundish just has enough. He proceeds to assault of bunch of trailer park-pedophile ex cons with stolen frozen hot dogs, and when one of them tries to "attack" him, Askew loses it and commits a gruesome murder to protect his friend. This bizarre scene sets off a series of crazy events as they attempt to go on the run. Along the way you meet talking dogs with a penchant for fine cigarettes, Ralph the Sacred Burrow, a hapless and lovelorn hooker, and many other colorful characters with refreshingly well written personalities.

A politically incorrect yet poignant social commentary,and surprisingly well written dark comedy about some sorry ass guys that just can't get it right. Grundish and Askew is one hell of a read that you won't be able to help but enjoy. Excellent work Mr. Carbuncle.
(reviewed long after purchase)

Review by: Michelle on July 05, 2011 :
From the opening sentence of the the novel Grundish and Askew by Lance Carbuncle, i felt like a fly on the wall, in a room with Stephen King, Hunter S. Thompson, and Quentin Tarantino, brainstorming a new tale of craziness. Lance Carbuncle does a great job of character development, storytelling, and giving an ending that is perfect. Even though, I didn't want it to end.

The characters and events in this novel are humorous, gory, and downright attention grasping. It was a very difficult to put down, once I started reading it. I am looking forward to reading more books by Lance Carbuncle.

My only complaint is that it was too short...I wanted more Grundish and Askew!!
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Felonious on June 19, 2011 :
Before I decided to read this book I looked it up on http://goodreads.com It said to strap on a jock strap grab a barf bag and be prepared to get kicked in the nuts (paraphrasing).

This book does contain strong language, sexual situations and vivid descriptions of things most people would be happy not to have described.

Once I sat down and started to read Grundish and Askew it was hard to put down. The story is full of great characters and the plot was interesting and intriguing enough that I just didn’t want to stop reading. The author, Lance Carbuncle, did a few things that I normally can’t stand. One example is having a character know he is a “fictional character in a lame novel” (his words not mine) and another example is the mixing of reality and the dream world. Even with that said, Lance Carbuncle’s story telling made this a story that was funny, moving, a bit disgusting and worth reading as along as you have a better than average tolerance for offensive material.

There are only a select few that I will recommend this book to but I’m sure that those I do recommend it to will enjoy it immensely.
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Amanda Lyons on June 06, 2011 :
Grundish is a down and out quiet soul whose life has been lived for the benefit of his friend Askew who's asked him to help him avoid the fate of of his forebears (all of of whom have ended up in jail at an early age and therefore waste their lives) by shooting him if it ever looks as if he's going to have to go to prison. This arrangement has worked out for the pair over the years (though Grundish finds himself serving time for Askew and therefore faces several setbacks and expressing himself through carefully orchestrated breaking and entering jobs)until Askew goes completely insane on a man who lives in their trailer park and kills him.

Frustrated by events as it was Grundish now flees with his friend and his octogenarian Aunt in an attempt to once again save Askew from the fate he seems destined to fulfill. The only trouble is that just when things start to look better they only get worse and usually because Askew isn't able control his impulses. Caught in a whirlwind of crime, insanity, death and mayhem Grundish, Askew and the people dragged into their misadventure are locked in on path of doom.

Once again Lance Carbuncle has created a cast of characters that fascinate and amuse the reader as often as they horrify them with their actions. Carbuncle is no ordinary author with his blend of Gonzo and off the wall Harry Crews inspired characters he manages to create a unique story that goes much farther than you might expect. Grundish, Askew and Askew's Aunt Turleen have their own unique world view which often leaves them outside normal society, wrapped up in the mens problems they all form a cohesive unit that while often flawed in action tries very hard to seek out whats best for the group.

While the oddball charm is just as strong here as in Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed there's a tempered quality to the way its dolled out over the course of Grundish and Askew which allows the novel to be serious more often than not and this actually makes Carbuncle's second novel better than his first.I highly recommend this book for its humor, sense of adventure and loveable oddball qualities all of which make it a standout and a clearly original piece
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

Review by: Amanda Felber on May 20, 2011 :
If George and Lenny lived in a trailer park, drank beer, had few ambitions and a violent streak, they’d be Grundish and Askew. This is the second book by the good Dr. Reverend Lance Carbuncle, but the first one I’ve had the pleasure of reading. I’m looking forward to satiating myself on more raunchy, cult inspiring awesomeness.

Grundish and Askew are soul mates and hetero life partners who haven’t been dealt the best hand but are determined to make the most of what they have. Askew is determined to break the generational cycle of prison bound men in his family while Grundish, after serving his time, just wants to stay out of jail. But when a frozen hot dog prank in their trailer park goes awry, the two men have to flee, taking their one-lunged senior citizen aunt with them.

The characters in “Grundish and Askew” are great. The two main characters are raw and disgusting, yet I found myself rooting for them. Turleen, the one-lunged aunt, is well developed as a secondary character and one of my favorites, especially during her interactions with two dogs that show up in her hallucinatory dreams. Minor characters add spice and plot and Carbuncle weaves them into the story with either great skill or lots of luck (I’m going to say the former).

“Grundish and Askew” isn’t for the faint of heart or virgin-minded. There’s sex, violence, gore, bodily functions and some disturbing scenery along the way. But it’s a fun, wild ride that’s well written and one I highly recommend.
(Also posted to Amazon and Goodreads)
(reviewed within a month of purchase)

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