'Let Me Gather Myself' - Discover the New You
I wrote this book to share lessons learned from my journey thus far. It is my hope that it becomes a signpost to help guide others, a source of inspiration to challenge you to ask better questions, and would boldly venture that it could be a milestone to visit later and see youthful ignorance laid bare. I welcome your feedback should you have tips to help improve its content and grammar. More
I wrote this book to help you get to know you; to help you create a unique manual for everyday life; to help you simplify and take charge. Well, you deserve that at least don’t you? You arrived in the world without so much as an invitation, an all-access visa, or even in-flight entertainments and nobody even gave you an instruction manual. How terrible! Now you can make one for yourself and maybe if you are lucky it will help you get your s#it together! And I’ll be honest, I actually wrote it as a faster, easier to read version of another book. The original book is more than one-hundred-and-twenty pages long, and hey… no pictures!
Let me stray a little, from the matter at hand and tell you a story to show you how doing simple things to take charge can have an impact. I promise to make it brief. Here goes:
A friend said that she was in a relationship with a really nice guy who, after some time, had turned out to be a manipulative jackass with passive aggressive tendencies. She wanted out. It just seemed like every time she was about to give him the boot he would suddenly change into the charming perfect lover she met and fell in love with all those years ago. What to do?
I gave her simple advice. I asked her what she thought being in a relationship meant. If the way her guy treated her helped her experience what she wanted in a relationship then she should stick with him. If there were things he was doing that she did not like and they made her believe strongly that she should not be in that relationship then it was obvious. It was about her and what she wanted out of it. It was not about him and his behavior. Of course, that was not enough. She also wanted a way to tell him.
The advice was simple: “The next time you see him just turn around and yell, ‘It’s not working!’ This is if you want to work things out. If you want to end it then rather say, ‘It’s over and I’m tired!’ Anything you say after he enquires what you mean will naturally lead to the result you want, and if it doesn’t just get out of the room.
If you try it enough times you’ll get it right. If he asks what you mean and you feel like you are getting cold feet just yell, ‘This thing that was…Us!’ The ‘was’ word sets the context for the balance of what you will say. My advice to her would apply in a lot of other situations where there is conflict, abuse of a party in a relationship, partnership or contract or a deteriorating relationship. Start with a directed and impactful expression of your dissatisfaction and then follow with a temporary retreat.
Don’t explain yourself! It is important that at least one of you have a moment to digest what you have said – the emotion can be all too much and there is nothing wrong with that, it is not a sign of weakness – rather it shows that you are truly invested and you don’t just care… you believe in commitment. State what you want as respectfully as you can, then adjourn for five minutes or get a moment of calm. Gather yourself. After you have gathered yourself then make sure to get your power back by saying the rest of the ‘why’ when in control.” Needless to say, she got it right.
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