My Idea For An Ideal Heaven

Rated 5.00/5 based on 8 reviews
So... Let's see... What is it I don't like? What can't I stand? What would I have to get rid of to make my ideal heaven? Without a shadow of a doubt the thing I personally would get rid of is...THE ONLY WAY TO FIND OUT THIS GREAT MYSTERY IS TO READ THE STORY!
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About Jonathan Antony Strickland

You really want me to reveal personal information here?
O.K then... here's some stuff you might (or might not) like to know about me!

Well for starters you can contact me on milthyswinebuckle@gmail.com

My Hobbies:
1_Are you bored. Then do what I do. Take off all your clothes and paint your face and arse bright blue. Then run outside and shout abuse at passers-by... passes the time if nothing else!
2_Managed 18 keepy ups with ye old pigs bladder once....What's that you say? Not that impressive! Well... what I failed to tell you was that the pigs bladder that I did the 18 keepy ups with, was still inside the pig!
3_Not pissing on the evil that is Milthy Swinebuckle, if he were ever to catch fire
4_Scratching my arse!
5_Watching Milthy get his arse kicked by a three legged tortoise...HA !!!
6_Scratching my arse and..oh wait I've already said that! Ah, what the hell. It's a good one so I'll say it again.
7_???? **** ???? with **** then ?*?*!
8_Wondering what I'm doing during hobby seven?

MY most prized possession: Hitler's missing left testicle (NOT FOR SALE).

My most famous quotes:
1_A step in the right direction can still mean the death of an ant!
2_I look down on almost everybody...although come to think about it, it's probably because I do climb a lot of trees!
3_You know that poem "if", what a load of crap. Kipling got it all wrong. What he should have said was "If you can portray the ideas you get to a sober man (no matter how shite though's ideas may be), and keep a straight face. Then you'll be a man MA SON!
4_HMMMMMM........I think I'll eat my socks!
5_MMMMM.......cheese and onion flavour .........NNNNIIIICCCCEEE!!!!
6_Ignore the above quote's and instead just read and live your life by number 7.
7 As far as I'm concerned you should not judge a fellow person on their looks, sex, race or beliefs. There are only two types of people: 1_Everyday ordinary people who just want to get on with their lives and not bother anybody else...2_The preachers, the arseholes and the gobshites, who want to tell you what to do, what you should be doing and how you should be doing it.

My favourite words:...knickers, bra's, boobs, bums, knockers, shit, shite, bollicks, twat, boobs (such a good word it needed to be said twice), gussets, stains, ugabalooga, randy, stodgeflaps, fgkgkujhghrewh, and TURD!!! That's TURD... Got it? No? Then I'll say it again, just in case you missed it...T.U.R.D

My Arch Enemies:
1_Milthy Swinebuckle....Beware he who sneaks, creeps, squawks and chortles. He who goes by many names. Names such as... Archibald Stott, Feagus the mostly squidgy, Terrance the quite nasty tormentor etc... but to me he will always be Milthy Swinebuckle (or if I meet him face to face... ARSEWIPE!)
2_Mr.Hairy Monkfish... Swinebuckle's main henchman (and suspected bumchum)
3_Randy Stodgeflaps... not much to say about this guy except he is one of Swinebuckle's best mates and a bit of a ballbag!

Charity work.....Milthy Swinebuckle has been infected with writers tourettes. Only I can help him. I really hope I don't catch it though, as every few words he writes he can't stop himself writing words like..."KNICKERS" or"ARSE" or some other filth. It takes him a good twenty minutes to write and edit a single sentence. I really "NADS" feel sorry "BOOBS" for the "GUSSETS" poor guy......"B...BB...BBB BOTOMSSS, ARSEHOLES, PANTS,......Oh bugger!"

PS: Does anyone actually read any of this personal information shit?

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Reviews

Review by: Angela Hope on July 1, 2018 :
I laughed out loud all through this and by the end I was crying.
Brilliant!
(review of free book)
Review by: Tristan Reid on May 15, 2017 :
Random but humorous.
(review of free book)
Review by: Tamara Wilkins on May 13, 2017 :
Short but funny. (Also how I keep my reviews).
(review of free book)
Review by: Andre' Mwansa on Oct. 7, 2016 :
Funny read, recommend you to download this one
(review of free book)
Review by: Walter Lazo on Aug. 18, 2016 :
The best grumpy story I've ever read.
(review of free book)
Review by: Jeff McDargh on Aug. 1, 2016 :
I love the fact that I always feel as if I'm sitting and being told a story by someone even though I'm the one reading it. This is no different. Fun read.
(review of free book)
Review by: tarnyloo73 on July 23, 2016 :
Entertaining exploration of the more paranoid side of our nature.
(review of free book)
Review by: James Hold on July 9, 2016 :
Funny. Progresses nicely to a inevitable, if bleak, outcome.
(review of free book)
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