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I’m a woman and I write nasty, cruel, humiliation, torture erotica about unfortunate victimized women. Many assume I’m a dominant. The fact: all the submissive victims in my tales are all me. The victims are always me, even if they’re a teen, slim or male. But their psyches are very much my own. They are all flawed, masochistic creatures with suppressed needs to be punished, humiliated and sexed. They all have an “inner slut”—and in my stories, this is always forced to the light.
Punishment, torture, humiliation and forced sex acts are the central spine in my porn tales. Why I like such things, I am not sure. I am not a psychologist; someone more qualified would have to explain it. But, there are plenty of villains... cruel soldiers, sadistic men, prison guards, corrupt cops, pirates and backwoods primitives in my stories forcing women to do disgusting things.
My heroines seem to crave sexual humiliation. Sometimes they are whipped or subjected to torture first. Eventually they are raped and sodomized. Occasionally they are coerced into extremely degrading acts like bestiality. More than their bodies, it is their minds and souls which are raped.
Older men say I am voluptuous and rubenesque. But I know that most guys like girls who are twenty, tall and slim. That’s not me. I was a tomboy when I was young. Then around ten, I became a ‘girly’ girl, interested in dolls, clothes, make-up and boys.
As far as sex was concerned, my libido was always turbocharged. I must have a lot of testosterone as I began to masturbate when I was only seven. But, I discovered early on that no one wants a girl with a high sex drive or too interested in sex. If she is highly sexed, then her value as a potential mate and mother suffers in the mind of society.
Here is the key to what makes me tick. Like so many key pieces to people, it is to be found in childhood. An older male cousin would sometimes wrestle me to the ground and hold me down to spit saliva into my mouth. I hated and loved him. But when I was a kid I found this treatment excited me. And then when I was eleven and on the way home from school a group of boys began teasing me in a sexual way about my breasts, just starting to develop. At one point, the oldest grabbed me by the arm and told me I was a little slut. And he would punish me for it. Then he let me go.
I used to daydream that he took me and made me do ‘bad things’. This is what drives my fantasies today—that I’m punished and/or forced to do humiliating, nasty, sex acts and I respond. Pain? I am not really into pain; but the thought of torture inflames my imagination. For me, it is a more a means to an end. I need to be punished or tortured and then made to do degrading things. The shame and humiliation is a huge turn-on for me.
I discovered that pornography turned me on when I was 18 and entering college. I stumbled across an erotic book section in a mall bookstore. There were lots of books, including the ‘romance’ type, but the ones that attracted me were stories about women being punished, abused and raped. I was in heaven and guiltily chose an anthology of stories from a famous 19th century English pornographer.
I often, in those days, scoured the library for books about Indians torturing female captives and tales of Romans torturing female slaves or Christians; or witches suffering at the hands of the Inquisition. I always imagined that the men in charge tortured the women and forced them sexually. I had growing thoughts about being humiliated and forced. I began to dream up my own scenes and some of them, surprising even to me, involved quite a bit of torture.
But, here’s the main fantasy playing in my head: I am someone who has broken the rules or done something bad and I must be punished. I am sentenced to be exhibited. I got this idea from reading books about people punished in the stocks and the pillory in the middle ages in Europe.
I have always liked this scenario in particular: The heroine betrays someone and in retaliation she is sentenced to be shamed and disciplined. They strip and tie her to a wagon wheel and then humiliate her by spreading her cheeks to expose her private parts to the mob. Following this, the man who was to whip her, spends time ‘mortifying her.’ These types of stories kept me happily masturbating for years.
I like share my fantasies online with people who are like-minded. Writing has helped me get in touch with my feelings. Early on, I saw the negative reaction I got from some people. Now I only open up to those who are as twisted as I am. I enjoy writing and have met people online from all over the world who are even more perverted than me. Cheers!