Invisible Friend (A Pastafarian Sermon)

Rated 1.75/5 based on 4 reviews
In the world today, many people have different beliefs. Pastafarians are followers of the second most popular, monotheistic, creationist, deity in the modern world. Discouraged by scripture from building physical Churches/ Temples/Mosques/Shrines we gather in public spaces, physical and electronic. Here Is the first sermon delivered at our Kiva lending team page. More
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Words: 670
Language: English
About James Jenkins

I like to read, OK you figured that out before you started reading this... And I post the occasional Pastafarian sermon. Mostly I read, and I try to write a review for everything I read.

I like to read stories that are new, that stretch my mind and my imagination. Smashwords provides a vehicle for exercising that desire. There are more works posted here for free than I can possibly read, I download the ones that I would like to read, and the ones that look most inviting I try and get read this week. Every week I try to read a few that I downloaded a while back and have not got to yet, so you may see reviews from recent downloads to ones from long ago.

Authors post their work on Smashwords because they want to share what they have often spent a lot of effort working on. I try to review every work that I read, in repayment for allowing me to read it.

My early reviewers are a bit kinder than my more recent reviews. Sometime ago I realized that some works were better than most of the ones I was giving 5 stars to. As there is no way to give 6 stars, I dialed back my ratings a bit. Here is how I currently am awarding stars.

1 Star; this work was not ready to be published
2 Stars: The presentation made me think I would like it, but I didn't like it. I probably did not finish reading it (defined in each review)
3 Stars: AVERAGE - not good or bad, the presentation and the work match, I was not disappointed or overly excited. I am glad I read it and will likely look for other works by the author.
4 Stars: I got more than I was expecting from this work, I am actively looking for more works by this author
5 Stars: I can not believe I did not have to pay for this work! Looking for more works by the author, keeping this one so I can read it again later, it will probably be the foundation of a later famous work by this author.

Review with no stars or no review: I read a book, even though the presentation did not reach out to me. I am not the authors target audience so it is inappropriate for me to rate it with stars.

I read your book and did not give it 5 star review... Sorry but that is not something I do lightly, here are a few popular books that I would give 5 stars to. Before you take offense, ask yourself if your work is really equal to these.

* Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card
* James and the Giant Peach by Roald Dahl
* Have Space Suit—Will Travel by Robert A. Heinlein
* Spaceling by Doris Piserchia.
* Number of the Beast by Robert A. Heinlein

How to fail as a self-published author OR things I see authors do, that don't seem to add value to their work.

Smashwords is wonderful venue for the self-published author to get exposure. It is great place for readers find works that bypass the narrow focus of major publishing houses.

• Ask your friends to post a review as soon as you post your new book on Smashwords.
• Use the description to tell why you are the best author EVER and why the reader should download your book NOW.
• Use lots of descriptive words in your work, never use 2 words if you can get a 100 to say the same thing
• Don’t worry about universe plausibility
• You religion is the best, be sure your readers are left with no doubt about it.
• Publish the first chapter of your novel as soon as possible.
• Try to sell the first book in your series, while offering the other non-stand alone works for free.
• Don't bother proof reading your work
• WRITE YOUR INTRO IN ALL CAPS

Also by This Author

Reviews

Review by: Jordan Dumer on Aug. 18, 2018 :
It's honest, with some good observations. I liked it. And thank you for your review for my shaggy dog story inspired by Asimov.
(review of free book)

Review by: Lee Roth X on July 29, 2018 :
Add whatreallyhappened.com to your atheist websites if atheism is your bag this particular lifetime ♩
(review of free book)

Review by: Philip Gilliver on March 10, 2017 : (no rating)
A little narcissistic. I think the author is in love with himself.
(review of free book)

Review by: Jacob Mossberg on Sep. 10, 2016 :
Poorly formatted neo-atheistic nonsense. It is more or less a work of fiction with basis in the idea that since there is no God, all religions must be the same, thus placing every religion of the world in the same ideological basket. I'll give it one star based solely on the fact that the author managed to convert it into an eBook.
(review of free book)

Review by: Nick Nova on Sep. 04, 2016 :
This is a barely readable ‘story’ that requires the reader to have a large amount of foreknowledge concerning a niche atheist community before they even start reading. It’s full of comma and other grammatical errors.

Weird formatting choices make it hard to read with too many line breaks and pointless bracket instructions. Lack of other formatting means that it’s impossible to easily tell when quotes end. You have to rely on brackets.

There are bizarre out of context phrases such as a reference to Kiva even though this is Smashwords.

The premise is interesting. The idea of doing a sermon about what the FSM has to say about invisible friends is certainly unique, if nothing else. There are some clever turns of phrase like “visiting the next plane of existence momentarily.”

Overall, this is one of the more confusing passages I’ve ever read. At least half of it consists of quotes from somewhere else and even the original text is merely an unhelpful explanation of these quotes with very little else added. Kiva references are largely unexplained except for a brief reference to the original posting at the beginning which is easily missed.

It reads like the world’s most bizarre and ineffective infomercial for Kiva.
(review of free book)

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