Speak if You May

1 star1 star1 star0.25 star
Stuck in a hospital, a young girl gets taken advantage of by her nurse who knows that the little girl can't and won't tell anyone. More
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Published: June 16, 2011
Words: 1,620
Language: English
ISBN: 9781458054876
About N. Jaber

Writing's always been a huge part of my life and I hope you enjoy reading my stories as much as I enjoy writing them.
Feel free to contact (about my work) me on njaber93@hotmail.com.

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Reviews

Review by: Stanley Willow on Nov. 09, 2013 : star star star star star
Excellent story. Moved along nicely. This kind of thing probably happens more than we think.
Lack of paragraphing is easily fixed.
Correct copyrighting also easily fixed.
5 stars. Great writer. :)
(review of free book)

Review by: Selena Faith on Oct. 26, 2012 : star star star star
Loved it!
(review of free book)

Review by: David Blake on Oct. 06, 2012 : star star
Odd one this, and it leaves me asking myself what is the point of a horror story? I suppose we readers like to get some stimulation by indulging in our own personal fears, and if the writing can touch on them and engage those fears, then it works. None of us really wants to meet a werewolf or a vampire on a dark night, or be locked in a deserted warehouse with a psychopathic killer, but I suppose on some level certain horror stories must indulge some inner fantasy as well.
That's why this story of child abuse is odd, because I'm struggling to see what its purpose is. Is it to entertain? I certainly hope not, because the subject matter is disturbing. Is it to educate? I don't see how it really does - it's too basic and straightforward. Does it have something new to say about the subject? I wouldn't have said so.
Unfortunately that leaves it looking like some erotic fantasy more likely to appall than entertain.
Putting the subject matter to one side, I felt the writing was a bit awkward and the girl's character lacked sufficient depth. Exactly how old was she? What is this mysterious illness she has? As the story is related in the past tense, how old is she supposed to be now?
A brave subject to tackle, but it needed to have more of a point to it.
(review of free book)

Review by: Lotta Bangs on March 30, 2012 : star star star
You do have a talent, but this is NOT well written. The girl has language and can read, so presumably she can also write and would have to have done so previously to communicate with her mother. She may also know Sign. Perhaps you should have had her arms in a cast. There aren’t any IV tubes, nothing to prevent her getting out of bed and fleeing, banging a chair up and down to make a noise and attract attention when there are people around. Mary is not on duty 24/7.And how about the call button?

To me, this is more horror than erotica.

The piece is very short and effective, but still should have been edited better to make reading smoother. The best writers edit and polish their work to perfection BEFORE publishing. You also should respect your readers enough to present the best possible product.

Read up on semicolon use. Some of your words don’t work, e.g. already in the first sentence and you get others out of order: would make ever that => would ever make that; she reluctantly said => she said reluctantly; mind could never; and => mind never could and.
(review of free book)

Review by: Kimberly Grubb on Dec. 28, 2011 : star star star
Well, written but does the girl ever get her voice back-and if she doesn't, does she find the courage and the way to tell someone and get help?!?
(review of free book)

Review by: Nikki Palmer on June 18, 2011 : star
Very difficult to read. There are no paragraphs. I didn't like it at all.
(review of free book)

Review by: Leroy Jones on June 17, 2011 : star star star star
Again good narrative that hold the attention. Projects the real terror that such a situation would hold for the victim. Well written.
(review of free book)

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