Can't Buy a Thrill

Rated 4.67/5 based on 12 reviews
There’s a fundamental difference between men and women when it comes to shopping—namely, women browse while men purchase.
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About James Hold

"First you're an unknown, then you write one book and you move up to obscurity." — Martin Meyers

I published my first book in 2004. It became an immediate collector's item. I know this for a fact as I have several hundred copies collecting dust in my attic. Critics everywhere said it belonged right up there between Ernest Hemingway and Robert E Howard—on an alphabetical bookshelf.

My influences include Rocky & Bullwinkle, 1950s sci-fi movies, and silver-age comics.

I live in Texas with my Princess wife, and cats Rocky and Dusty. You can contact me at

About the Series: Psycho Killer and Other Tales Told In Red
My stories are generally light. Here are some that are a little darker. A little redder.

Also in Series: Psycho Killer and Other Tales Told In Red

Also by This Author

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Review by: jm97jett on March 18, 2017 :
James hit the nail on the head (pun intended) with this short story. I try to never go into a store with my wife because what he describes is pretty much what happens (except the ending). Great job James.
(review of free book)
Review by: Amy Long on Feb. 26, 2017 :
This is my first time to review a story on this site. I am busy working two jobs and do not have the luxury of reading any thing that pops up. I rely on suggestions from my friend Michelle.
I found this story extremely amusing and for that reason could not disagree more with Mr. Jenkins' comments. "Sexist?" Perhaps if you never read Dave Berry or watched the standup comedy of Rodney Dangerfield. "Wife" jokes are a staple of countless comedy acts and that is all the first part of this is. It's a well paced comedy monologue in the tradition of any night club comic. If Mr. Jenkins had to read the ending twice to understand it then he is either very dense or does not understand twist endings. The story is part of the author's "Psycho Killer" series and if Mr. Jenkins was paying attention he should know that series always ends with some act of violence.
To be fair to Mr. Jenkins I read one of his "Pasta" stories to assess how qualified he was to judge others. In my opinion his writings are poorly executed and any skill he has lies squarely in his own head. Where he comes off giving 1 or 2 star ratings in his reviews of others work is a mystery. I suspect his low ratings arise from jealousy over his own shortcomings.
But enough of that. "Can't Buy a Thrill" is hilarious until the final paragraphs. After that it becomes a dark tale of a frustrated man driven to do a heinous deed. The ending comes out of nowhere and takes the reader by surprise.
(review of free book)
Review by: James Jenkins on Feb. 25, 2017 :
Very sexist....

I had to read the ending twice before I understood the final scene, as I wasn't expecting it. The ending seems as inappropriate as the rest of the story.
(review of free book)
Review by: Lee mulubwa on Feb. 18, 2017 :
I might not have a wife, but I totally agree to this. ..
(review of free book)
Review by: Diego Forby on Feb. 17, 2017 :
filipino women are no different about shopping. our 's-m' malls are complete traffic jams. i am giving this 4-stars because i feel it would have worked just as effective as a comedy dialogue without the tragic ending.
(review of free book)
Review by: Andre' Mwansa on Feb. 17, 2017 :
So nice, very nice and so true
(review of free book)
Review by: Hiranya Borah on Feb. 15, 2017 :
Nice gifts are coming in small pack!
(review of free book)
Review by: Jonathan Antony Strickland on Feb. 15, 2017 :
At first I was wondering where this was going. Then the funnies began to appear and I giggled along as I read more and more. But it's the ending that really makes this short observational piece work, and makes this a nice short story to read to your loved one on valentines day!
(review of free book)
Review by: ckrenzke on Feb. 15, 2017 :
Funny, but true. This is why I never take my husband with me when I shop. I want to avoid the surprise at the end. He doesn't ask me to go golfing with him and I reciprocate by not asking him to go shopping with me.
(review of free book)
Review by: Synova Cantrell on Feb. 15, 2017 :
Very humorous, but sadly it's so true. I'm sure my husband would agree. That's why he stopped shopping with me a long time ago. Loved it.
(review of free book)
Review by: Doctor Caronte 6 on Feb. 15, 2017 :
Gracias Tía Michelle por recomendar esto. Nunca iré de compras con una mujer de nuevo.
(review of free book)
Review by: Michelle B on Feb. 14, 2017 :
I jumped on this the minute I saw it. The story took me completely by surprise. The first 95% reads like a collaboration between Robert Benchley and Dave Barry...really amusing stuff...only to have the final paragraph become Robert Bloch. An excellent job of misdirection. Only I should have known better since this is part of his "Psycho Killer" series. Cousin Caronte, you definitely need to read this.
(review of free book)
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