All Over Grandma: Episode 1

When I was 18 I was a fucking asshole. More than that, I was a horny fucking asshole. And so, as gently as they could, my parents asked me if I could curtail my masturbating. I was like, “Fuck off!” and I turned into an even bigger asshole. So, running out of answers, my parents sent me to my grandma, who, bar none, was the biggest fucking asshole in our family. And so, the rest is history. More

When I was 18 I was a fucking asshole. More than that, I was a horny fucking asshole. I was getting off sometimes a dozen times a day, no joke. Usually a guy tries to be discreet about that sort of thing, but it’s kind of hard when you’re getting off in the dozens. So, naturally, my parents found out. I mean, gees, I was in the bathroom more than my mom and my sister combined, and that’s saying something. My parents were even starting to worry about me. And so, as gently as they could, they asked me if it was alright if I curtailed my getting off. I was like, “Fuck off!” and I turned into an even bigger asshole. I assure you, I’m not like this anymore. But at the time, I simply could not be helped. Running out of answers, my parents got the idea to send me to my grandma, who, bar none, was the biggest fucking asshole in our family. I mean, she really didn’t seem to give two shits about anyone else but herself, and the hatred seemed to go double for anyone related to her. So, I was like, “No fucking way!” But then they simply said it was settled. They gave me the keys to the Grand Am and said sayonara and drive safe. And that was that. I drove for a day and half. Got a little lost. So, I stopped for a quick nap. I regrouped, AKA masturbated. And bought a new Atlas – probably should have done that to begin with. Then I drove the rest of the way to California, where my grandma lived. And the rest, as they say, is history.

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