Death: What Not To Say
With, Death: What Not To Say, Colin Bird has created an awakening. This invigorating read is an easy to follow archetype of how to assist those we know suffering heartbreaking grief in loss. Sprinkled by stories of Bird's personal experience; seeing his father die, and mother follow...then professional, absorbing both helpful and hurtful examples of people trying to grasp exactly, what not to say. More
Powerful. An incredible view into all aspects of death and dying, focused on the Griever caught between; how to care and be there, as told in anecdotal perspective of a former twenty-something Nursing Home Chaplain turned screenwriter and actor. In this conversational guidebook by Colin Bird readers are transformed from friend, nervous if not terrified of what to say, how to act, in the presence of their close friend in their presence of grief, into a calmer, collected and informed, companion of care.
Bird crafts a realm of encouragement for those of us thrust into a foreseeably awkward season of assistance by systematically identifying the new life patterns of our friend the Griever thrust into their forever season of surviving an encompassing world of death.
This book guides then equips us readers to not simply ascertain which type of grief (laid on by which type of death: Shocking, Expected, Relief) each type of Griever (Close Friend, Acquaintance and Complete Stranger) has fallen into in their midst of pain and ongoing aftermath of grief.
Bird provides hands-on easy to follow instructions of how to give common sense oriented, from the heart support by taking our hand to courageously walk us delicately but bluntly, in through the door of his own stories of his own loss, his harshest, deepest grief and his baffling experiences of being with others as their others departed, told with truthful page turning vulnerability.
These glowing pages are a path worth being taken on, while of our own volition, taking them on alone in order only to make certain the hurting one we care for, isn’t left to do so as such. It is a trail of enhanced insights into the newly consistent needs of new to persistent Grievers. A natural storyteller, Bird shares stunning stories of what not to say or do with a hope of elevating us into actualized advocates for those in our near, found in their need.
Death: What Not To Say, dispenses direction targeted straight to the needs of Grievers frozen in fear by navigating itself to the Medical and Psychological Communities, Chaplains, Support Groups, Pastors or Spiritual Guides of the leadership like who offer validation to this work of heart, penned for the hearts of hurting others. Those who promote this book corporately, you matter. But far more who matters to the author, is the one with no way to speak.
The father getting the late night call his son’s girlfriend slipped in the ice skating rink breaking her neck and died. This dad has to process this event, personal pain, then set it as far aside as humanely possible, rise from a work night bed, walk the dark hall to wake his son made in the image of himself, see himself in his child’s eyes and somehow miraculously create a way to break his heart. Then keep his son’s heart from stopping, keep those resembling eyes from going insane in the moments leading to days into weeks of the coming hurt, one far darker than a harsh hall walk to tell his son the love of the boy’s young life has gone away into death.
This work is purposeful in helping those who are crying. When your last tear dropped who helped catch or let them crash to the place they needed to fall? How did they treat you when they saw you give your all to hold all your tears from falling free? Was that person kind? Were they prepped? Did they screw up and let you down? Did you know they were nowhere equipped to help you handle? They’re not professional teardrop catchers ya know. They're your friend. Even if it takes the lifetime their friend is no longer afforded, we must help friends forced to walk their own dark hall. It’s important for you to have the confidence on your way to them, be empowered enough to know you don’t have to worry about the words you’d otherwise not know to say.
Whoever you are, this is a book for and about the you who hears your friend just heard theirs is never coming home. This is a book, for and about, us all. For all we want is to do this hard thing right.
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