The Diaries of Kairie Lawless

I was born in 1979 in German, my parents called me their miracle child, because by medical standards then, I shouldn't have come into existence. Still I wasn't born perfect, but with the typical deformities for Nail-Patella-Syndrome. As the name says it causes deformities in nails and joints as well as deformed, or to small patella's.
In 1995, I finished school with a secondary school degree, glad that school, which was hell in many ways, was over.
My first endeavor into the world of labor wasn't successful, and I returned to school for a while but then after turning 18 discovered a new world and lifestyle. I discovered the bar scene, and quickly fell under the spell of alcohol and fun while changing into a different version of myself. A version that was freer, and which less high emotional walls, outgoing and capable of connecting to other people.
Then after meeting my first love, I was diagnosed with Dyslexia and some of my life suddenly fell into place, like this one missing puzzle piece that when you place it into the puzzle reveals the whole picture and makes sense of it.
Less than a year later I became pregnant and my life and the way I lived it changed. I stopped drinking, got my life in order and became responsible. After having the child, I took a job, with the help of my parents support. Another year later I got married and moved with my husband into a larger apartment.
In 2002, I had my second child and we moved to France where we had found a larger apartment and much needed relieve from the horrendous taxation in Germany.
Being a home staying mom gave me the time to explore the internet, to relieve the boredom I felt between housekeeping and diaper changing. During my excursions into several online communities, I was often asked about rules and regulations when it came to immigrating to France. The questions became often enough that I decided to put all info on a website, simply because I didn't want to answer the questions over and over again.
In 2005, a publisher stumbled upon my website and talked me into transforming it into a book and getting it published. I warned the publisher that I was dyslexic and making a book out of my data would be a lot of work since I had nobody to look over what I wrote. Yet the publisher just shrugged and told me that this was what editors were for. I agreed and got to work, then in March 2006 my first book was published.
It was a heady feeling to hold my own book in my hands, exhilarating and exciting as nothing else. It wasn't a big book, just 80 - 90 pages, but it was a testament that I could write after all, maybe not spell it right but produce something with meaning conveyed by words on paper.
Since it was a small publisher I took it upon myself to help promote the book, putting the information about it in all the communities I had talked to before, as well as new ones. Only to discover adversity and insult far too often. When I even got told that people like me should be put down, I had enough and in a way snapped. Since I could hardly strangle someone through the internet, I sat down and poured all my anger into words. I was fed up with being insulted, hearing how useless I was since first grade, I not only poured my new anger into those pages but all my anger for all the years gone by.
I didn't do it planned, but a few days later I not only felt better but held the draft of my life's story in my hands. Reading it again, I decided to try and offered it to my publisher, not really believing he would go for it. After all, who was I that anyone would want to read about my life. It wasn't like I was someone of importance, so why would anyone care to read it. When my publisher almost jumped on it, I was more than just surprised, I was stumped.
At the end of 2006, my life's story was published, at the same time as we decided to immigrate to Canada. My husband had lost his Job earlier in the Year and hadn't been able to find a new one, neither had I any success in finding a position. It was a hard and life altering decision, but not long into the New Year did we get ready to move.
Mai 2007 we entered Canada with a work permit, and for reasons I will never be able to explain, it felt like coming home. I had left my parents behind, my family and friends, and yet seeing the open fields and prairie, the little towns surrounded by it, it felt like I belonged. As scared as I was taking the step, I never regretted it.
After we settled in and the kids were settled in school, I joined my husband in the labor force. And for the next few years, we were a two-income household, until I got sick in 2011 and was diagnosed after half a year of living in pain, with Fibromyalgia. As I read up on this chronic pain illness I had developed I realized that at some point I wouldn't be able to continue with my job as a cook, or any job with physical labor.
I knew that finding an office job with being dyslexic was just as unlikely as finding a job with no physical labor that wasn't in an office. Unsure what to do I started writing again, first just for myself to cope with this new situation. A while later I worked consciously on improving my English and adapting a writing style fitting the North American market.
In 2013 I had to stop working and not long after quit my job, knowing I just couldn't do it anymore. Still undecided what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, I got a little depressed and felt lost for some time. Then in 2014, we had to go to Toronto to get our German Passports renewed and the change of scenery was like a being battered with inspiration.
Back home I began to write to create a world like nothing I had ever read or seen or imagined before. What had started as a short contemporary romance short story, became a fantasy romance novel series of five books. Representing anything and everything I loved about history, mythology and fables. I had created a world but knew it was far from ready for publishing.
In early 2015 my husband fell ill with a hernia and went into emergency surgery. While waiting in the visitors lounge, pacing from one end to the other, dark worries and thoughts swirled through my mind. The next morning, back home, knowing my husband would be fine, I sat down and began to write mostly in order to come with the experience. One that had me rattled and unsettled.
Before I knew it I had the draft to a full blown contemporary romance novel in my hands. Waiting in the Wings was born, and after working on it for a while and having someone look over it, I published it independently. My spell and grammar check couldn't find anything, neither could the person I had asked to look over it, or anyone else I asked. I was thinking I had done it, I had written a book without mistakes as dyslexic.
Well, you might imagine that I was wrong, which I was told not long after having it published. I invested the money for a professional editor and republished it a few months later.
And that is how my writing career in North America begun.