Me And My Mom And My Sister (AKA The Last Ones Left Alive)
My mom and my sister were practical jokers. Real annoying. I wasn’t. Never was. Well, not usually. At least not until I came up with a real doozy. Probably too big. Let me tell you about it and maybe you can tell me if I went too far? More
My mom and my sister were practical jokers. Real annoying. I wasn’t. Never was. Well, not usually. At least not until I came up with a real doozy. Probably too big. Ya see, back then; I lived in a nuclear fallout shelter. In our backyard. Ever since I saw that movie The Day After, you know, that 80’s movie where Steve Guttenberg’s face melts off, due to nuclear fallout, or something or other. Anyway, so that’s where I lived. And that’s where I stayed. While my mom and my sister, basically, stayed in our house and probably sat around making fun of me nonstop.
That was, until my real doozy of a practical joke, when they came for a visit, down into my humble abode, my underground nuclear fallout shelter, for a my little impromptu 21st birthday party for me, and after we watched all the Ernest Goes To Camps and played Monopoly and Risk two times each, my mom and my sister fell asleep on my makeshift bed.
And that’s when it happened. Earthquake, a pretty big one, too, it was California after all.
So, I zoomed up the ladder and opened the latch, and after a quick scan around, saw, basically, nothing major was amiss, just a few broken tree limbs and some telephone wires on the fritz. And that’s when it hit me, my real doozy of a practical joke.
I immediately latched the latch nice and tight, locking it in place. Then scrambled down the ladder, missing the last wrung, I was so excited. Then I had to compose myself. I had to keep a straight face. And that’s when I delivered my real doozy of a practical joke. While my mom and my sister were still coming to, shaken and confused by the earthquake, I said, as somberly as I could, that it had happened. It had finally happened. Nuclear War.
My mom and my sister’s faces melted, not literally, not like Steve Guttenberg’s, just out of fright as they began to crumble and cry in each other’s arms. At first, I thought, maybe, they had seen through my little ruse and were faking it. But, after a near-hour of my mom and sister crumbling and crying in each other’s arms, I knew, holy fuck, I had successfully delivered my doozy of a practical joke.
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