O'Kane has made some bold choices in his narrative style. Bold in the sense of "a burlap shirt is a bold choice". And like a burlap shirt, those choices continuously irritated me.
I gave up around page 30, because I couldn't stand to read any more. So I can't tell you if the story is any good or not.
"Third-person omniscient" point of view is rarely seen in modern fiction outside of an occasional piece of literary fiction. Present tense is rarely seen in modern fiction, although a few authors do use it with first-person narrative. Third-person omniscient present-tense is just weird; it reads like a screenplay warped into narrative form, where the actors are being given stage directions.
The present-tense narrative is occasionally turned into Yoda-speak, with "says Mike" instead of "Mike says".
There is a *lot* of description. Mike enters a night club and we get treated to 850 words (about 4 pages) of description of the night club before action resumes. No wonder this novel came in about 50% over the typical 90,000 words.
Like I said, it reads like a screenplay for a 10-hour miniseries rather than a novel. Set descriptions, stage directions, etc.
Repeated misuse of participial phrases also made me wince, although in my experience most people wouldn't notice. Some wrong words (hey, they passed the spell checker) didn't help.
The e-book suffers from a serious 'mechanical' problem. Some of the paragraphs are misformatted so that the lines overlap each other, making them very difficult to read indeed. Click on the HTML 'View' link above and jump to page 13; you'll see what I mean. After trying to decode more than a half-dozen of those, including one that was critical to following what was going on, I'd had enough.
(review of free book)