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Our story is like many you’ve heard. We’re just a couple of folks who tried to make it in a relationship.
Before we got very far along in ours, we had tumbled into a horrendous quagmire of screaming, jealousy, bouts of violence, and walking out on each other. By the time we happened upon this book’s astonishingly useful tools in 1987, we were caught in a whirlpool of rage, fear, and despair.
As we began to discover and put into practice the magic power of deeply hearing one another, we started noticing that our “freshness” and closeness surprisingly renewed itself, repeatedly.
Gradually, we got better at using these marvelous understandings, and our home began to turn into a revitalizing and immensely comforting sanctuary. Each time one of us would recoil from speaking what he or she really thought in an effort not to rock the boat, we witnessed a dramatic drop in our gratitude for and lovingness toward one another.
Emotional well-being (and the safety to express anything) soon became our top priority because we really liked the loving closeness it produced. The byproduct was that we were having more and more fun together.
Although we were having remarkable breakthroughs with one another, none of our friends had these tools, and at first we could share our successes and failures and report our amazement only to each other.
Soon, friends began asking us for assistance with their relationship challenges, and we began hosting group events and weekend workshops. People with whom we shared these tools—the new ways of seeing, talking, and thinking we present in this book—told us they could not imagine living without them.
Is it possible, we wondered, that most of our problems as human beings could be completely healed (or at least a lot more discussable!), if we had the ability to really hear and deeply understand each other?
This book is our way of sharing with you some foundational things we have learned as a result of over two decades of practicing and experimenting with the communication tools of our many teachers, and from teaching in private and public settings across the United States. It’s a distillation of what consistently works for us and others to reliably produce “sparkling” aliveness in human relationships. All the stories and anecdotes were gathered from real-life experiences, whether ours or those of our clients.
This work is offered in gratitude for what we have in each other, and with joyous anticipation of a time when all beings will be truly heard as to their most precious feelings, thoughts, and ever-present positive intent.
In loving service,
Fred and Heidi 928 277 8229 415 299 7451