Rose Artless

Rated 4.00/5 based on 1 reviews
What do you get when art and photography are bulldozed by modern mores in our ultra-sensitive #MeToo generation? Have a laugh (hopefully two) as husband and wife team Randy and Rose parody the Offensive-less task of creating figure art. More
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About Rose Maru

Born a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away... no, wait, that wasn't me, but sometimes it certainly seems like it.

Before getting into all the fun details, I want to clear the air of a rather large aspect of my writing because it has a huge impact on my work: I have HSDS (Hypoactive Sexual Desire Syndrome). In fact, if it weren't for my HSDS, I wouldn't be here and you wouldn't be there reading this - my previously unpublished writings were explorations into kick-starting my, ahem, 'motor.' I tried to explore anything that might cause a little tingle below, even ideas and concepts my thinking brain refused to hear. Creating an alter-ego in my stories allowed me to safely penetrate the veil of non-existence - I was forced to think about sexy thoughts and situations.

I wrote for years covering a wide range of topics, my husband providing a large number of seedlings from which to grow my stories (HSDS... what do you expect? Much to my dismay, what I learned to expect was very raunchy pillow-talk. Much to his dismay, he learned to expect me to leap from bed saying, "Oh! That is so good, I've got to write it down!"). It turns out, writing romantic erotica usually wasn't doing it for me. I gave up on it for a period of time - in essence, I gave up trying to help myself, as well.

Then my significant's bright idea: if it didn't help me, maybe it would help someone else. I was back to writing again, or more correctly, preparing my work for release unto an unsuspecting public (I have now officially absolved myself from any evil that befalls you after reading my books - it's all his fault). So I dredged up my folder of rough and unpolished stories - damn, I wrote this much? No wonder I wasn't having sex, I was busy writing about it. (Fib alert: so not true it's not funny. Not the 'not having sex' part, but the lack of bedroom action wasn't really due to my writing.)

An odd thing happened, though, as I was rereading my material and editing it. I felt a little something that I hadn't experienced in a long time. I actually felt a little tingle from down below. That soft little call, while editing some stories, started to get a little louder - still very quiet, but it was most certainly there where it hadn't been for decades. I gave in to the siren call almost immediately - surprised the hell out of my husband (thank goodness it wasn't the UPS guy at the door during those moments). Complete, spontaneous, due-to-my-doing rumpy-bumpy. Holy humper, Batman, I'm fixed!

I wish. It disappeared again, just as easily slipping back into my 'normal abnormal' routine of never thinking about it within hours. Back to editing. Being the patient sort, I allowed myself to edit a whole three paragraphs before anguish sets in, "It's not working! Ah! I'm broken forever!" Luckily, I have a never say die attitude (Fib alert: ... no, wait, this isn't my stories where I have to include a 'truth' section - let me have my freaking moment), and said, "Piss on it, I'm still going to release my work. I've come this far."

And so it went - although much to my joy (and my hubby's) - every so often, I'd find myself showing such obvious responses to passages, it was apparent to even an HSDS girl - and we'd make joy (sometimes several times) to the situation. I wasn't fixed, but at least I had a crutch.

Which leaves me editing my old material, exploring new, and tormenting you with it - where I hope it does you some good, too. If it can't make you happy that way, I hope it'll at least provide you a little laugh the other way - especially since I do provide a 'Truth and Consequences' side to all my stories at the end of each book where I detail the nitty-gritty and harsh reality of every piece. This allows everyone's inner voyeur to be released because my HSDS does a great job of preventing me from grasping 'TMI,' so I tend to spill my guts back there in my books.

As for my bio (side note: doesn't that make it an 'auto-bio?'), I'm a cute, twenty-one year-old (Fib Alert! Oh my Lord! If you're writing fantasy-fiction, at least make it believable!) - crap, okay, fine, I'm old enough to probably be your sister - from a second marriage - so we're not blood related, which means you don't have to get all weirded out about reading sex stuff about me) - and I live in the Pacific Northwest where I am still happily married to my first husband (very funny - he edits my other fibs so I have to tell the truth, but leaves the happily married one)... at least until he reads the final published product where I changed the truth section in every book back to being brutally honest contrary to his corrections.

And, yes, that is me on the cover of all my books, but I'm not spilling the beans here, you have to read the book.

Read Rose Maru's Smashwords Interview
Learn more about Rose Maru
About the Series: Visual Rose - Art vs. the Establishment: Rose Be Banned
See Rose.

See Rose Exposed.

See Red Rose.

Saw, Read Rose (Before Book Banned).


Art & photography from Rose Maru and her husband where she gets to pretend she's a real model and he gets to pretend he never gave up his career in photography. Each collection is enhanced with Rose's special take upon seeing her work and insights into the creation of art, both while working with her spouse & other artists. Delving into the mystery that is her life with HSDD, the visual arts provide yet another contrast to how a woman unable to recognize "sexy" or "hot and bothered" views the over-sexed modern world where it seems everything is sexualized - which if you don't have that 'sex' neurochemistry hooked up correctly, it's just "ualized" and is entertaining on a whole different level. These often humorous works are not meant for those under the age of consent in your particular country and should be avoided if you think you may be offended easily. Part of HSDD, and part of the reason for these works, is the exploration of a world most of us cannot fathom, let alone experience.

*Warning: This is art, so there will necessarily be body bits, but way less than any Game of Thrones episode.

Also in Series: Visual Rose - Art vs. the Establishment: Rose Be Banned

Also by This Author


Thomas Lawrence reviewed on Feb. 6, 2019

This is the 2nd ("sanitized") version of the Rose Maru classic "Rose Art". Much of the narrative is the same as the original but most of the artwork has been removed at the insistence of the morality police. (Because we all know that even the slightest glimpse of a dark spot that might, possibly be a (gasp!) nipple would probably cause all our innocent brain cells to melt into a pornographic puddle of goo. Thank you morality police for saving us.)

Although the artwork is gone, Rose's delightful stories and descriptions and especially all of the Truth Sections are still there and they still sparkle with warmth and humor. And the back and forth comments/banter between Rose and her loyal and long-suffering photographer/husband (whom she affectionately refers to as "The Asshole") is still as fresh and delightful as ever. In fact, the one good thing that has come about as a result this moral sanitizing is the fact that, since you can't see the missing pictures, Randy (the aforementioned photographer/husband) spends quite a bit of time describing what the image was. This is really interesting because it allows us to get some real insight into his thought process as he was creating the images. It's a fascinating look into the mind and heart of the artist as he describes what he was trying to capture. Even if you already have the original 1st version of Rose Art I would recommend getting this version for that reason alone. If you don't have the original, then definitely get this one so you can enjoy their voices, even if you can't enjoy Rose's images.
(reviewed 48 days after purchase)
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