Just finished reading your book of love poems. More of a prosaic storyteller, than poetry weaver? You favorited me, so I’ll dare a bit of advice and hope you will not think it a vice. If you do not love repetition, you do not love music and do not love poetry the way you should. Play on themes as song lyrics play back on the refrain written before. Weave a web and not always so obvious. Look for words and phrases that have two or several meanings, going off in diverse directions, sometimes in apparent contradiction. And don’t forget to rip off the bards from time to time. Great artists steal, though try not to get caught or accused of plagiarism. Regular meter and rhyme (end of line or alliteration) help make for a tight weave. Make a tapestry. #17 Love in Yellow played on a theme and played on a word (one of your better ones for me.) #20 The First Date played on a theme. It was also negative in emotional intent but with an abiding love for child to make it OK. #31 Empty Promise had that collage technique, that crazy quilt construction that Stevie Nicks uses in her lyrics (hard to know what she’s talking about, but a challenge to puzzle over.) I am sure that Sting, Stevie Nicks, Carole King, William Blake and T.S. Eliot would agree with at least some of this. Try to make a tapestry; write to some favorite music as a cadence? You seem very nice and would love to give you unconditional praise, but no can do. If you were twice your apparent age, my rating would be halved. But you love to write. As Sid Caesar once advised an audience I once was in, when asked how to be a good writer: write, just write. And maybe think about what you are doing well and not well?
Oh, Annette please spin a net
It’s the Web you see Worldwide
A. Foster? Far famed Jodie?
Alicia her name, see.
Was it the Prez threat muse call?
She, that men kill for with glee
Ah, a bit kinky agreed
Fear not, ‘tis no Hinckley seed
Planted here, just let it be.
If you chafe at criticism, remember that those who can, do, and those that cannot, teach. Well, not necessarily. After all, there is something called bad poetry. God bless!
(review of free book)