on Oct. 17, 2011 :
A great start.
The concept is great,I see a very interesting story coming out of this. However, I am left confused, is this it for this book? I am assuming this is a share to get readers feedback....I also assume the author plans to add more to this book. So I will not comment on the length.
Ok for grammar I give 4 stars, the story flowed, I had no problem reading along. My only complaints are, I feel the author might be rushing to tell the story...do not be afraid to let it play out more, it seems to jump a little too much. Second complaint,no biggie, but may help, three of the characters names started with a C. It did cause a little confusion on deciphering between them.
Character relation/connection--4 stars. I could relate, but not the strongest connection just yet. Probably because this is a start. The way the story is playing I already can tell I am going to relate to Clayton and the Queen. The king I will hate. I think the Wizard will play a strong role in the story as well and I will like him. So it is set up great leaving me wonderin what will happen, how it ends...yet I was frustrated as well.Instantly I felt "What?! This is it? What is going on? This may frustrate readers and it may scare them off.
Small suggestion: If this is to get feedback(I def do not think this should be it for this one book...at least yet.) leave something at the end explaining your purpose for your share.
like "I have an idea of this great story and want to know what readers think so far?"
So all in all.... a great start!Sounds like its gonna be a great story! Good luck!
4stars- grammer (hey I have my own, and yours was not bad...really)
4 stars to character realation/connection
4 stars for story concept(4 was the due to confusion at end)
Overall 4 stars! I am not a professional reviewer...a fellow "Indie" who loves a free read and loves to help fellow authors. I look foward to what will happen next in this one and encourage others to read and share your own thoughts...it is Free:0)
Thanks for sharing! AD
(review of free book)